The Sitter Page #4

will help this

particular situation.

Why doesn't Garv do it?

Karl, don't let me die!

I have kids, man.

My God. Jesus Christ.

F***ing hell!

Somebody help me.

Fine! What?

Help me, please.

He's going into shock.

Please, help me.

Oh, God.

Now, please, hurry up.

What's up, fool?

Got you!

What's happening right now?

I don't understand. Are you okay?

What, is this a joke?

I got him! I got him!

I could smell your breath that time.

You were so close.

What's happening?

You're so adorable.

You just fell

for a little prank.

Prank?

Around here,

we pull pranks and sh*t

to make sure people

aren't undercover pigs

'cause we kill

pigs around here.

This is Julio,

my business partner.

This is Kool-Aid, man.

Come on over here.

Let's get down to business.

Right there,

there are prostitutes

and there are people with guns.

And I don't want

to get shot tonight.

She ain't nothin' but a hoochie

mama Hoodrat, hoodrat hoochie mama

Oh, I love those big brown eyes

And the way you

shake your thighs

Acting like you're so damn cute

Just let your boy

just slide them boots

- You got my money?

- Yeah.

- Yeah!

- Put out your hand.

Here's one ticket.

Trick or treat, smell my feet.

How do you know Marisa?

You know Marisa?

She is my girlfriend, actually.

Come on, man, stop it!

Karl.

There's some kid here.

You didn't call

the fuzz, did you, Noah?

No. Rodrigo.

What are you doing? Go back to the car.

How'd you even get in here?

I pee-pee now.

He's with you?

Yeah, I'm, uh babysitting.

Babysitting?

You need to go back to the car,

because you already

went pee-pee. Okay?

I pee-pee.

Pee your pants.

What's your problem, man?

Let him take a piss!

Trying to make a little kid

hold in his pee-pee!

That's right. Oye, Fonzie.

You go pee-pee

Don't make a mess!

Come in for a bear hug.

Get outta here.

Put that handshake away.

Better hug this motherf***er if

you know what's good for you.

Hug him tight!

Swordfight up in this motherf***er!

Pull it together!

Have a great night.

Okay, I know we had a few

setbacks, but we're almost done.

I just gotta drop off this

package to my girlfriend,

say a quick hi-ho to her,

then I'm going to turn us

around and take us home.

I know I can be a bit

of a prick sometimes,

so I want to thank you guys

for being patient.

Okay, so we're gonna go

to my favorite

club in New York City,

and you're gonna come...

Hey, buddy, what you got there?

I no know.

I find it in bathroom.

Sh*t!

Rodrigo,

give that to me right now.

I'm serious, man.

Give it to me right now.

No way. Finder keepers.

Put it in my hand right now!

No.

Rodrigo.

No.

Just... Just let go!

It's mine.

Let it go!

Just give it to me!

You're both such booger faces.

Stop fighting!

Let go!

Okay.

It's snowing!

What the f***?

Hello?

Noah Griffith!

Hey!

Hey, Karl, what's up?

How did you get this number?

I got it off

your Facebook page,

as I was trying to friend you

as you were walking out.

Anyway, as I was friending

you, Julio noticed that

maybe you stole a baby

dinosaur egg from me.

And it's just,

like, I'm confused.

You know what I mean?

Because I'm thinking that we're friends,

and then all of a sudden,

I don't know, it's like...

I really liked you, you know?

Karl, just relax, please.

I'm sorry, I don't have your drugs.

The kid I'm babysitting,

he took one of your eggs,

and I was trying to get it back

and it accidentally

splashed in my face.

F***ing shut the f*** up.

Unless I get my drugs back

or my money back,

I'm going to kill you!

I'll f***ing kill you!

I want you to meet me

at Wing's Fish Market.

Where?

Wing's Fish Market.

It's in Chinese Town.

You meet me there in one hour with

my 10 grand, or you're dead meat.

Um, okay. Thanks, bye.

I have to go pee-pee now.

You're holding it in

this time, a**hole.

It'll be all right.

I thought he was my friend.

It's all right.

Shut up!

I wanna go home.

I don't

know what you're saying.

Don't. Stop it!

Stop! No!

No, my lip gloss!

Give it back!

Shut up! Shut up!

Shut the f*** up!

What are you

getting mad at us for?

Because Rodrigo here is a thief,

and now I'm in deep sh*t.

And the worst

part of all of this

is that I'm stuck

here with you three.

You, you got more issues

than a magazine stand.

And, you, wipe the makeup

off your face, Picasso.

What are you, a mob wife?

And, you, you're the worst.

I know you're a little kid,

and I know I'm not

supposed to say this

kind of stuff to you,

but f*** you.

F*** you so much.

You're a douche.

Look, Noah,

if you hate us that much,

then just drop us

off with our parents.

You know what?

That's an amazing idea. Let's go.

I've seen the way

you look at me

I know the things you say

when I'm not there

But when you're here

alone with me

Baby, don't pretend

that you don't care

Come on, let the feeling begin

Come on, baby Come on, yeah

Don't stop

when the feeling begins

Come on. I've changed my mind.

I need to clean up my mess myself.

All right, ideas,

ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas.

Okay. Slater,

can you get off the phone?

I need an idea. You can text

your buddy Clayton later, okay?

Yeah, man, seriously!

It's not Clayton.

It's those twins,

and they want me to

go to Prospect Hall

for Wendy Sapperstein's

Bat Mitzvah.

That's, like, a pretty

swanky joint, right?

Yeah, the Sappersteins

are totally loaded

and she's, like, crazy spoiled.

Spoiled.

So lots of gifts, lots of cash.

Slater, you're a genius.

You're a genius, dude!

All right, let's go,

let's go, let's go!

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Hustle!

All right, come on, kids.

Come on.

All right, thank you.

This place looks like a party.

Keep walking, keep walking.

Maybe you should

just invite anyone you know,

anyone who's ugly, because

they seem to all be here!

That's very nice.

Is that what

the rabbis taught you?

Mom! This is my night.

It's my celebration,

and I did not invite these

nerds to my Bat Mitzvah!

What more can I do for you?

Rent the Taj Ma-f***ing-hal for you?

There's so much blue cheese

here, it smells like barf, Mom!

Damn, Wendy Sapperstein's

a big ol' b*tch!

Yeah, she scares me.

All right, guys, we're gonna

stay under the radar.

Okay? Keep it low profile.

Did you hear what I just said?

I said low profile!

All right?

Stop puncturing balloons!

Do you understand me?

Noah, Noah. Does this place

have bottle service?

I want a Red Bull and vodka.

No, you don't.

You don't even know

what that is.

It's bad for you.

Slater! You showed up!

We've been looking

all over for you!

Oh. Hey.

We've been dancing all night.

Yeah, this Bat

Mitzvah is the best!

It's like Jew city out there,

and we're the f***ing mayors.

You ready to go dance?

He's ready to go dance.

This guy was born to dance.

You want to come?

Come on. Let's go.

You big stud.

Time to go make

a Slater sandwich!

Some of that gingerbread,

my man.

No bathrooms, you understand me, Rodrigo?

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