The Skeleton Twins Page #6

And I know you blame me,

and I know you think

I ruined this blossoming relationship

between you and him.

I know you think I ruined his life,

that I ruined your life,

but I did what I had to do.

Look, it had nothing to do with you.

That is bullshit.

You're my brother.

And we're supposed to

be there for each other.

And if you don't get that by now, then,

I don't know, I guess I'll talk

to you in another 10 years.

- Maggie, wait.

- This sucks.

I was having such a good night with you.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...

Sunday, Monday...

Oh, sh*t.

- Morning, chief.

- Morning.

Well, looks like your sis

is down for the count.

I think she's got, like,

food poisoning or something.

Right, or something.

Maybe we should have a dude's day.

- A what?

- You know, dude's day.

I think your version of dude's day

and my version of dude's day

are totally different.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t!

Come on, man. You almost had it that time.

Lance, this harness has my balls

in my f***ing throat.

Can I please come down?

It's all part of the experience, buddy boy.

The only good thing about this experience

is that every guy in here's gorgeous.

Yeah, it's great here, man.

You're surrounded by a bunch of hunks.

It's beautiful.

Come on, you gotta use the pain.

Get inspired by it.

What are you, some sort of,

like, climbing Nazi?

I just believe in you, that's all.

Come on, I saw you out there

working at the park.

You got it in you, dude. I believe in you.

- Come on.

- You're such a piece of sh*t, Lance.

Yeah, awesome. Awesome.

Just keep doing it just like that, man.

That's what I'm talking about!

Boo-ya, dude!

- To dude's day.

- To dude's day.

I gotta tell you, you were channeling

my middle school P.E. teacher out there.

Yeah, you were into it, huh?

Yeah, it was very...

You're very motivating.

Thank you.

You're gonna be a good dad someday.

That was good.

Thanks, man.

It's funny, 'cause all my buddies,

they're scared shitless about

the whole fatherhood thing,

and, yeah, I just know

that I'm ready for it.

That's why the whole pregnancy thing

has been frustrating, you know?

Just wanna make sure

I'm not firing blanks, you know?

Right.

Guess I'm just a little paranoid.

Have you noticed

her acting a little strange at all lately?

Like, I mean...

I don't know what I mean.

I know what you mean, yeah.

It'll all happen in Hawaii.

That's how I feel.

Just in between

the trade winds and the palm trees

and the people and,

you know, exotic spices.

Yeah.

Maybe we'll do it in a hammock.

Hawaii's definitely baby-making country.

You know, Maggie can be very secretive.

Like, when we were kids and stuff,

she would hide cigarettes

and things like that around the house.

You know, places you

wouldn't think to look.

Maybe there's some medication or

something that's affecting things.

Just a thought.

Yeah, I don't think Maggie'd

hide something like that from me.

- I'm sure you're right.

- Yeah.

Hey, miss, do you need help with anything?

Yeah, you know what? I'm... I just...

I'm a little late.

But not seriously late, just a little.

But I'm... You know what?

I don't need this.

I'm fine, thanks.

Thank you for putting that back. Thanks.

What else did I need?

...puked all over the field.

Maggie Dean?

It's Carlie Van der Hoff.

Garfield High?

- Yeah, hi.

- Yeah, my God! How are you?

- I'm fine.

- Oh, this is Cullen.

- Say hi, Cullen.

- Hi.

He's the oldest of my rug rats.

Yeah, but look at you.

Are you visiting family?

No, no, I live here.

- Really?

- Yeah.

That's so weird

that we've never run into each other.

- Yeah.

- I'm at the school employees credit union.

- Mom.

- Cullen, hush.

If you're bored, go wait in the car.

- Oh, I'm gonna be leaving.

- Beat it.

- Kiss my ass!

- Hey, you watch it, mister!

Back at ya!

What a little sh*t.

Can you believe kids today? The attitudes.

- Do you have kids?

- No.

Well, you're lucky

because they are little shits.

So, how are you? How's Milo?

Tell me everything.

I'm all right.

- You got married?

- I did.

Of course, you always had

so many boyfriends.

Oh, boy.

Are you okay?

Carlie, can you...

Can you give me one second?

- Yeah.

- Be right back.

Thank you, thank you. Oh, thank...

It's over.

No, for real.

Hi.

Honey, what's going on here?

Those are old.

Okay, well, the prescription says

that they're from last month, so...

Honey, I'm sorry that...

Listen...

If you don't want to have kids right now,

we can talk about that, okay?

You don't need to lie to me.

Sweetie, you're freaking me out right now.

I'm a sick person, Lance.

What do you mean?

I've been with other men

since we've been married.

Three.

Three other men.

I wasn't in love with any of them.

I know that doesn't matter.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

Lance?

Look, he was confused.

I felt terrible for him.

- Hey!

- You had no right!

Things were gonna crash down eventually.

No, you were just trying to get back at me.

- I was trying to help you.

- You just ruined my marriage.

- What marriage?

- F*** you.

Look, you're miserable,

and if you're too chicken sh*t

to do anything about it, then I will.

Oh, so, you know what's best for me?

Yes, you're my sister.

We're supposed to help each other out.

- You said that.

- This is different!

- How?

- We are adults. This is my marriage.

If you think that's a marriage,

then you're f***ing nuts, okay?

- I'm sorry. Enjoy your marital bliss.

- Okay, yeah, go. Leave anyway.

This is not working out.

You know what the sad thing is?

Is that we're a good team.

Oh, yeah, and you'd be a real hoot to have

around if you weren't such a fuckup.

We're both fuckups, okay?

And I'm tired of you acting

like you're the healthy one

and I'm your special needs kid.

What does it even matter anymore, Milo?

You got your revenge. You got it.

I was trying to lay it out on the table.

That's what I was trying to do.

- You wanna lay it out on the table?

- Yes!

Okay, then, go for it.

- You're emotionally unstable.

- You're a prick.

You need professional help.

And this coming from a guy

who just tried to kill himself.

Maybe I should try

f***ing all my problems away.

Well, maybe next time

you should cut deeper.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sh*t.

F***.

Come on. F***.

Come on, come on, come on.

There we go. There we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.

Come on!

Come on!

Hey, I know I'm not supposed

to come over here or anything,

but I want to talk to you,

and I think you owe me that.

You owe me. That's what I think.

Listen, I'm sure your sister

didn't mean what she said.

So, how do you make this work?

Like, how do you juggle a girlfriend

and a son with guys like me?

Well, there aren't a lot of guys like you.

Thanks, Teach.

No, not... I mean, it's not a pattern.

Are you gay?

I can make it work with Melinda,

and I really want to.

Well, good luck with that.

Don't... Can you...

What are you f***ing doing, man?

That's not why I came over here.

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