The Skeleton Twins Page #5

Take it to the good times,

see it through the bad times

Whatever it takes

is what I'm gonna do

Let 'em say we're crazy

What do they know?

Put your arms around me,

baby, don't ever let go

Let the world around us

just fall apart

Baby, we can make it

if we're heart to heart

And we can build

this dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world

runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us,

nothing's gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you

All that I ever need

All that I want to do

Is hold you forever

Ever and ever

And we can build

this dream together

Standing strong forever...

Hi.

Hi.

Is your dad home?

Yeah, hold on.

Dad, some guy's at the door for you.

I'm sorry, I thought you had him...

What are you doing? You can't be here.

That's my kid in there.

Okay, I thought

you only had him on the weekends.

I have a life, Milo. A whole life.

Give me a shot of Cuervo, please.

Can I have another one, please?

Hey.

What are you doing up here?

I'm waiting for you, Mr. Big Officer Man.

The f*** you say?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

No problem. Take care, now.

Thanks.

Maggie, don't freak out.

What is going on?

You wouldn't understand.

Try me. You might be surprised.

I get depressed about my life

and I do stupid things. That's it.

We all get sad about our lives, Milo.

That doesn't mean we go

jumping off of rooftops.

I wasn't gonna jump.

Okay, well, how do I know that?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I can't take this, Milo.

I can't right now. I can't.

Hey, I'm sorry.

Do you remember

Justin Meyer in eighth grade?

Jock, a**hole, he used to

f*** with me all the time?

Dad, he told me... He

said, "Guys like Justin,

"like, high school is the best

it's ever gonna get for them.

"They're gonna peak in high school,

"and the rest of their life

is just gonna be a disappointment."

And that kids like me,

that I would soar after high school.

And, in fact, I would sit there,

I would fast-forward 10

years into the future

and I would think

about our high school reunion

and seeing Justin,

and he would just be this fat, balding guy

who, you know, is the assistant

manager at some sporting goods store,

and I would be this famous actor

who lives in L.A. or New York

and I have this beautiful boyfriend.

And I'm happy.

Do you know I looked Justin up online?

And do you know what he's doing now?

He's an electrician,

and he has two beautiful daughters

and a pretty wife.

And he's happy.

And it turns out that...

It just turns out that I'm the one

that peaked in high school.

You know, if that's not depressing, then...

So, that's it, sweetie?

You're not a famous actor?

'Cause I got news for you.

No one's a famous actor.

George Clooney's a famous actor.

Okay, George Clooney,

I guess that's one exception.

But the rest of us are just walking around

trying not to be disappointed

with the way that our lives turned out.

And either we find a way to deal or...

I need to know

you're not gonna check out on me.

I'll do my best.

What?

What are you doing?

It's gotta be in here somewhere.

Oh, my God!

Wow!

Oh, here it is! I found it!

Oh, my God! You still have that thing?

- We're going out.

- What?

It is Halloween, Lance

is at fantasy football,

I say you put on

something pretty and/or freaky.

Preferably both.

Yeah.

I can do this better myself.

No, I wanna do it.

Okay.

Tell me if you don't like it.

I will tell you immediately

if I don't like it.

Is that a good scream?

That was a great scream. I love it.

Oh, my God! I can't believe it still fits.

- I know.

- Look at me.

You have better legs than I do, by the way.

I have a body like a frog.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

What does that mean?

Just a big belly

and long arms and long legs.

Just like...

Oh, Michelle Waller.

Pregnant again, baby number three.

- Baby number three?

- Yeah.

- Sh*t, I didn't even know she was married.

- Yeah.

We haven't done

the cemetery walk since Dad died.

I know.

Oh, my God, watch your step.

God, it has not changed a bit.

I had my first wine cooler here.

- With who?

- Jenny Copeland.

- That makes sense.

- Yeah.

Oh, wow!

Dad loved Halloween.

Who can blame him?

Scram.

Get outta here.

What, are you deaf?

I'm not deaf. It's Halloween, a**holes.

F***ing people.

Oh, my God!

Wait, what was the name of the...

...adolescent psychiatrist

that they assigned us?

- What was her name?

- Oh, sh*t.

- Mary?

- Mamie Mortimer.

- Mamie Mortimer.

- Mamie Mortimer and her f***ing journals.

Giant sweaters.

What was with those sweaters?

Huge! She's not a big woman.

Every day was Christmas

for Mamie Mortimer.

Oh, my God!

"Did you write that in your journal?"

"There's nothing that can't

be solved by journaling."

"Oh, your dad died? Put it in a journal.

- "You forgot about it, didn't ya?"

- "My dad died, I feel better."

She had a tough gig, though.

I mean, we were not good kids.

I mean, what do you do

to two kids whose dad...

- You make them keep a journal.

- Yeah, I mean, we were 14.

God, we were ungrateful

bastards, though. Right?

Speak for yourself.

I was an angel.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Maggie.

- "Maggie."

- Maggie.

Let me... Oh, wait. Let me see it.

What?

I want to see it.

Oh, what is that, a new place?

No, it's always been here.

Oh, there she is, dancing away.

Of course she is.

Did you think I got rid of it?

I don't know. You're a tricky bird, Magpie.

How'd we go 10 years without talking?

Oh, it's probably not

worth talking about now.

Probably not.

Let me take my hat off.

- Come on.

- Be polite.

Magpie.

Oh, peeing in a dress at a urinal

is actually not that hard.

I'm gonna go.

Do you want another round?

I'm gonna go.

Hey, hey.

Wait up, Maggie.

Hey, what's going on?

Kevin Clancy?

Kevin Clancy moved to Miami six years ago.

He was in town for the weekend.

What? What is this?

I saw your cell phone.

You have a missed call from Rich Levitt.

Are you sleeping with him?

Some of us have our secrets

and some of us have our reasons, Maggie.

Wow.

So, what, you're still

attracted to child molesters?

Is that it?

He's not a child molester.

You were 15

and he was your English teacher.

You didn't see the way he treated me.

- He wanted to f*** you.

- Who are you to judge, okay?

You've had boyfriends

since you were in the fifth grade, okay?

I was 15. I had never been kissed before.

- So what if he was my teacher?

- So what?

He made me feel good!

He made me feel good about myself!

I don't want to hear how he made you feel.

You know what?

You wanna go hang out with Rich Levitt,

go ahead. I am not gonna stop you.

But when all that sh*t went down,

I know, looking back, I was right.

And I can't feel guilty about it anymore.

And it could've been a lot worse.

He could've gone to f***ing jail, Milo.

Do you realize that?

He is lucky that we dealt

with this quietly.

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