The Skeleton Twins Page #4

- What?

Last month in L.A...

What? What?

I ate p*ssy.

What?

- What?

- I know, I'm not proud of it.

Why? How? Why? Who?

She looked like a young Debbie Harry.

I was drunk and curious.

I just couldn't resist.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, what... How... Verdict?

I was a little out to sea.

I'll tell you that.

Out in a wet, stormy,

pungent sea.

- All right, now your turn.

- My turn?

I told you a secret.

You have to tell me a secret.

- I don't have any secrets.

- Maggie.

Maggie Dean.

I'm on birth control.

Really?

Yeah.

I hide it in a basket in the bathroom.

I figure Lance won't be

looking for butterfly

decorative soaps anytime soon.

So, it's terrible.

Wouldn't it be easier just to tell Lance

you're not ready to have a kid?

Yeah.

It would be a lot easier.

But there's a little more to it than that.

What?

- It's really bad.

- What?

I slept with my scuba instructor.

Maggie.

I know, it sounds like a porno.

Just once?

- With him?

- "With him"?

Yeah. I took a French cooking class

like six months ago.

Maggie!

And a nature photography course...

I met this guy.

It's a fetish is what it sounds like.

If Lance finds out, it will destroy him

and I will not be able to live with myself.

Please say something.

I guess Lance just doesn't do it for you.

But why? He's so great.

He's so sweet and cute and nice

and he would make such a great dad,

and he is the polar

opposite of all the a**holes

that I'm used to dating.

He doesn't deserve

a f***ing whore as a wife.

- You're not a whore.

- Oh, really?

- So don't say that, please.

- What would you call it, then?

You're a restless housewife

with whore-like tendencies.

Shut up.

It doesn't help.

Do you love him?

Yeah, I do. He's...

He's good.

Maybe good isn't your thing.

Maybe.

What am I gonna do?

You're gonna do a bunch of nitrous

with your gay brother?

You wanna talk about this more downstairs?

Sure.

- Oh, this hurts my back.

- Me, too, my spine.

- Why did I say, "Let's talk downstairs"?

- I don't know.

- Wait, what time is it?

- I don't know.

Sh*t.

- What?

- Come on, we gotta go.

- Why?

- I have a meeting.

You have a meeting? With who?

With Kevin Clancy from high school.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Cool. Can I come?

No. I think he wanted to make it

kind of like a one-on-one kind of meeting.

- Is that weird? I'm sorry.

- No.

- No, it's fine.

- Is that cool?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- All right, we gotta go, though.

We gotta go.

Oh, my God! You're killing me.

No, no, no, but, listen, it's like,

"Melville, dude, please,

"just write me a story about a whale,

a guy who catches a whale.

"Why does it have to be 800 pages

of the history of whaling

"and all this existential crisis bullshit?"

Like, who gives a sh*t when the writing

is that weird and funny and rich and alive

and did I mention weird?

You know what I mean, though?

But with class.

And pretentious. And pretentious.

There's a great Moby Dick illustrated

that I think you'd love.

- There's a pop-up whale at the end.

- F*** you.

Didn't I give you a whale?

I feel like I gave you,

like, a copper figurine

for your birthday

that I got at that...

Wow! You carry that with you?

I don't know. It's, like, a little

good luck charm or something.

Well, it's working.

- Is it? I don't know if it is.

- Yeah.

Yeah, Mr. Fancy L.A. Agent.

I should've kept that whale for myself.

It's not that big of a deal.

He's not that big of an agent.

I think it's incredible.

I always knew you'd

do something amazing with your life.

I'm proud of you, Milo.

Do you wanna get out of here?

Those lobster cages can

knock you right off.

What?

Well, actually, they're

called lobster pots,

but they can knock these guys

right off the deck.

They're real dangerous.

I think those are crabs.

- Where?

- Everywhere.

Oh, yeah, maybe they are.

No, they are.

So, how's Milo working out?

Good. He's definitely doing his best,

but he's been... He's trying.

Good.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I really love you.

Thank you.

God, I can't believe he's 16.

It's strange, man. Having a kid that old.

He just got his license.

I'm like, "Really?

"I'm old enough to have

a kid who can drive?"

My God!

Does he know about me and you?

No, no, God, no.

He knows I used to teach

and sometimes he asks why I stopped,

you know, but...

What do you tell him?

That it wasn't my thing.

I'm sorry, Rich.

No, Milo, you don't

ever have to apologize.

You didn't do anything wrong.

You understand me?

Okay.

Look, I know what happened

was weird and illegal and sh*t,

but it really meant something to me.

And we're adults.

Well, I'm an adult.

God, I feel like the freshman

asking the senior to the dance.

That's part of the problem. There's...

There's a freshman/senior dynamic

between us.

There doesn't have to be.

Milo, get up. Lance

is leaving in 10 minutes.

Milo?

Milo, is that your phone?

Oh, sh*t, what time is it?

It's after 9:
00.

F***, I'm late for work.

You and me both.

So, here.

- "Sunrise in Manhattan."

- It's a romantic comedy.

- About what, Balzac and Foucault?

- No, it's actually pretty straightforward.

I wrote it for, you know,

like, Jennifer Aniston or Kate Hudson.

And I don't want to be presumptuous,

but I thought, you know,

if you wanted to read it

and maybe if you liked it,

you could pass it along to your agent?

Yeah, okay. Yeah, totally.

- Yeah, I could totally...

- Cool.

...pass it on if... I'll read it.

- Cool.

- Yeah.

I kind of... I need you to leave.

Okay. Yeah, sure.

- Last night was fun.

- Yeah.

Kind of a blast from the past.

Yeah, make sure the door locks

when you close it.

Greetings, Ms. Dean.

What brings you around these parts?

It was a mistake.

All right.

I mean it, the whole thing.

Fine.

Is that all?

Yeah. Yeah, that's all.

What are you doing?

No, Billy, I'm serious.

No.

Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit.

Bullshit.

Bull sh*t.

Hello.

Where were you this morning?

Well, Kevin had a friend,

and last night, I got lucky.

Well, you missed work, so, not cool.

I was a little late. Lance understood.

You have to get your sh*t together, Milo.

That is a very interesting

statement coming from you.

- You know what?

- What?

Wow.

What are you doing?

Milo.

Looking in your eyes

I see a paradise

This world that I found

is too good to be true

Standing here beside you,

want so much to give you

This love in my heart

that I'm feeling for you

Let 'em say we're crazy

I don't care about that

Put your hand in my hand, baby

Don't ever look back

Let the world around us

just fall apart

Baby, we can make it

if we're heart to heart

And we can build

this dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world

runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Okay, I got it.

I'm so glad I found you

I'm not gonna lose you

Whatever it takes,

I will stay here with you

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