The Son of Bigfoot Page #3

I almost flipped my rig!

Sir... (GRUNTS)

We got something.

Mmm. (CHUCKLES)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hello? Is this Harrison?

Check the house.

(GASPS)

(LINE RINGING)

I think we got something.

Car's gone. No sign of the mother.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GROANING)

(GASPS)

(YELPS)

Stay away from me! Help!

(SCREAMING)

Don't come any closer! (GRUNTS)

What... What are you?

Well, I'm, uh... (SIGHS)

I'm not sure how to break this to you...

But I'm your dad.

Dad? No, you're not!

Where is he? What did you

do with him? Did you eat him?

No, I promise, Adam. I'm your dad.

Stop saying that! (GRUNTS) And back off!

Ooh, easy, killer. Don't twig me to death.

Calm down, you have nothing to fear.

Where did you get these?

BIGFOOT:
Your mother sent them to me.

I hate this picture.

- That's you?

- Yep.

It's you, me, and your mom.

You were six months old.

- Oh, man...

- (TWIG CLATTERS)

My dad is Bigfoot?

- Yep.

- Could my life get any worse?

"Hey, Adam, your dad's famous,

but not like a rock star,

"more like a hideous beast

that hides in the forest."

Hideous? That's a bit strong.

Are you kidding? You're a monster.

I can see why you ran away.

Whoa. I didn't leave because I'm a bigfoot.

I left because I was being hunted.

- Hunted?

- You see,

a pharmaceutical company wanted

to turn me into a lab rat.

I left to protect you and your mother.

We didn't tell you for your own safety.

What do you mean, a lab rat?

Does your mom know you're out here?

Yeah. She gave me the address.

She told me to come out here...

Alone.

Adam, you're lying to me.

You and mom have been

lying to me my entire life.

We had no choice.

You have no idea how

hard it was on both of us.

What about me?

It broke my heart that I couldn't

be there when you needed me.

Adam, this is serious.

Tell me how you found me.

- I found your letters.

- (SIGHS)

You took a big risk coming here.

Your mom must be worried sick.

Hmm? (GRUNTS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

- What's going on?

- Just a routine check.

Routine? It doesn't look that way to me.

Are you Shelly Harrison?

What? Are you a police officer?

I'm going to have to ask you to turn off

your engine and step out of the vehicle.

Hmm. Okay.

Ma'am, it's futile.

- I suggest you get out of the car.

- (GRUNTS)

She sent me everything. (CHUCKLES)

I couldn't get enough of

it. She's so proud of you.

I always thought Mom threw these out.

Not a single one of them.

So what about me?

Am I gonna be... Like you?

No. You've got nothing to worry about.

You're already 13...

- So what?

- Well... (SIGHS)

You'd have symptoms by now.

Oh, you mean like hair

that grows a foot overnight?

Feet that blow through

the ends of my shoes?

That kind of thing?

I'm going to be a monster?

It's not so bad.

How is it not so bad?

Spending the rest of my life

hiding in the forest like an animal?

Slow down. What else do you have?

The hair thing, the feet.

What about your ears?

When your adrenaline's up,

does your hearing change?

Sometimes it gets super loud.

Like a migraine or something.

When's the last time you shaved your hands?

What? Ew! Never!

But you shave your back?

No. I don't shave anything.

This is amazing. My hands

and back are where it started.

By the time I was 12, I was waxing

my back every weekend with duct tape.

But you're different.

It's like you've got all the

good stuff, but none of the fur.

How is any of this "good stuff"?

There's a lot of good

things about being a bigfoot.

You're standing on that leg, aren't you?

(ADAM SCREAMING)

(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS RUNNING)

(ADAM GRUNTING)

(ADAM GROANS)

You... You fixed my leg.

How is that possible?

The healing touch, fast

growing hair, big feet...

It all goes with the territory.

Holy moly. What are you?

Some kind of hairy wizard?

Ha. Nothing that exciting.

We've got to find out what else you can do.

Hang on to this.

What's it do?

(ADAM SCREAMING)

- (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

- (BIGFOOT YELLS)

BIGFOOT:
Whoo-hoo!

(ADAM CONTINUES SCREAMING)

BIGFOOT:
Whoo-hoo!

(GROWLS)

ADAM:
Whoa!

(GASPING)

(ADAM GRUNTING)

BIGFOOT:
(LAUGHS) Whoa! (GRUNTS)

(GASPING)

What's going on? It hurts!

(BUZZING LOUDLY)

- (THUDDING)

- (BEES BUZZING LOUDLY)

(BIRDS SQUAWKING LOUDLY)

- (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

- (GROANS)

Just relax...

That was so irresponsible!

You could've killed me!

It's the adrenaline.

- Calm down.

- (BREATHING RAPIDLY)

- Take a deep breath.

- (BREATHES DEEPLY)

That's it. And listen.

(TAPPING)

- Whoa. It's a woodpecker.

- (LAUGHS)

Focus over there.

That's a... What do you call it?

- A geyser.

- It's like I can see it.

The sound makes a picture in your head.

Dolphins and bats have something

similar called echolocation.

Pretty cool, Huh?

I guess. Well, Batman's cool...

Dolphinman, not so much.

And your feet... Tell me you've tried them?

Ditch the shoes, buddy.

- Ah!

- What?

It's cold.

- (LAUGHS) Try to keep up.

- Huh?

- Whoo-hoo!

- Wait!

(GRUNTING)

MAN:
Where you belong

(GRUNTING)

Dark days are gone

Somebody new

Takes us along

ADAM:
Whoo-hoo!

This is amazing!

Feels good, doesn't it?

Yeah! It's the greatest feeling in the...

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS)

BIGFOOT:
Whoo-hoo!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

ADAM:
Whoo!

(LAUGHING)

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo! Oh!

Whoo... (GRUNTS)

Ouch, buddy. Oh.

- I'm so sorry. I should've warned you.

- (GROANS)

You've gotta avoid smashing

head first into the trees.

(GROANING)

I think I'm done with

bigfoot lessons for the day.

There's one more thing.

Does it involve smashing

head first into anything?

Nope. I can talk to animals.

Are you kidding?

Just watch. (WHISTLES)

Hey, Steve, come over here.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

(LAUGHING)

- So what did you say to her?

- (CHIRPING)

(LAUGHING) I love it.

I just hear chirps. I

guess I don't have that one.

Give it a shot. The secret

here is to slow things down.

(CHIRPING)

(CHIRPING)

(DISTORTED) Nice to finally meet you, Adam.

You look better in real

life than in your photo.

- No way.

- Yes way.

It works!

It... Is... Nice... To... Meet... You!

- (STEVE LAUGHS)

- You don't need to talk like that.

They understand you just fine.

VOICE FROM TREE:
What am I? Chopped liver?

Sheesh. He doesn't even introduce me!

The trees talk too?

This place is like a Disney movie!

Hello... Oh!

Trees don't talk, you stupid idiot.

(LAUGHS) That's just Trapper.

(GRUNTING)

Enchante. Ow!

Oh, yeah. This is my lovely wife, Weecha.

She's also enchanted.

Oh. Hello.

Nice to finally meet you, Adam.

Your dad talks about you all the time.

Every real man has a son.

I got kids on the way myself.

All boys.

WEECHA:
(LAUGHING) We don't know that.

I can tell.

How you doin', fellas? Gettin'

big and strong in there? Good.

I have to say...

- The kid doesn't look like a bigfoot.

- Trapper!

What? I'm just calling it like it is.

You've all got eyes. This is a bigfoot.

This is a boy. It's Humans 101.

Don't listen to Trapper. Nobody here does.

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