The Son of Bigfoot Page #7

(WILBUR GROANING)

I can't believe you're unlocking

all these randoms before me!

Thank you, my dear.

Mmm. Hello there, cowboy.

What are you in for?

Murder.

Just joking. I eat carrots.

(LAUGHING) You're funny.

(LAUGHING)

Tina! Get me out of here!

This is not the time for

fraternizing with inmates!

Adam, what are you doing?

Come on, Dad, I'm breaking you out.

I told you, I can't go. They'll always

be after me. We'll always be hiding.

I don't care, as long as we're together.

No, I won't do that to

you. I'm not leaving.

If you don't come with me, I'll

tell them I'm a bigfoot too.

You can't.

I've got your genes, I've got your crazy

hair. I've got everything they need.

Adam, no.

Either we both stay, or we both go.

It's up to you.

But I need my dad, and I'm

not leaving here without you.

(SIGHS)

You are one stubborn kid.

(CHUCKLES) I guess I take after my old man.

Where's Adam? You said

he was right behind us.

What have you done with my son?

Calm down, he's on the way.

As soon as he gets home,

we'll be out of your hair.

As soon as you leave, I'm calling the cops.

(LAUGHS) What are you gonna say?

"Hello, police? My husband is Bigfoot,

"and he's been captured

in an evil conspiracy."

Sounds pretty crazy to me.

You know, someone with a story like that

probably isn't fit to raise a kid.

How dare you. You should

be ashamed of yourself.

Listen, lady, we're just doing our jobs.

(SCOFFS)

Now where's the can? You

got a bathroom in this place?

No, we go in the bushes outside.

It's upstairs.

GARCIA:
Simpson! Come into

the bathroom, right now!

Uh... That's okay, I'll

wait until you're done.

Would you get in here?

What's going on?

Sir, we're at the house.

The boy's a bigfoot. We've

got the hair to prove it.

EASTMAN:
(EXCITEDLY) What?

Fantastic! Change of plan, then.

Roger that.

(GRUNTS)

That's not very nice. Do you

treat all your guests like this?

Just the ones that kidnap my son.

(SCREAMING)

AUTOMATED VOICE ON PA SYSTEM:

Evacuate, evacuate.

Time to get your butts in gear.

Evacuate! Evacuate!

(GRUNTS)

(EVACUATION ORDERS CONTINUE)

Follow me, buddy.

No more hiding. We're shutting

this place down for good.

(GRUNTS)

(BEEPING)

(ALARM BLARING)

Oh, no! Come on. Hurry!

(COUGHING)

What now?

There's got to be another way out.

Dad, up there.

Let's check it out... Follow me.

(COUGHING)

Adam, watch where you step. Stay close.

Keep on going, I'm right behind you.

(COUGHING)

Up there.

(YELLS)

There's no way down. We're trapped.

No, Dad. Look.

- Zipline!

- Zipline!

Aah!

Oh, shoot.

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS) One way in, one way out.

We're going home.

Let me go, you big oaf. (PANTING)

So what'll it be?

Shall we end this little charade

and return you to your cell?

He's never going back there.

(GROANS)

Dad!

You silly beast. You lied to me.

You're not so special. The

boy has everything we need.

No, please. Leave him alone. You promised.

It's too late now.

(GROWLS)

I would've kept you

both, but I only need one.

No, please!

I'm sorry, son.

No!

No.

Argh! You animal!

(LAUGHS) Really, it's

you who is the animal.

(GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLES) I hate to break it to you,

but that's only a flare gun.

It won't do you any

good. Now get back inside,

we've got work to do.

No, you're out of business.

No!

(SCREAMING)

Don't just stand there, pull me up!

No!

(THUDS)

Ooh, that must hurt.

ADAM:
Dad!

Dad!

Oh, oh...

Please, don't leave me.

BIGFOOT:
The healing touch, it

all goes with the territory.

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

Do we know where

the light is the brightest?

Do we know how to

clear what the fear is?

Do we know how to

feel when we crave it?

Do we know

what we are?

Look at that! He really is a bigfoot.

You see, you never listen

to me. I told you so!

Are you kidding?

Do we know

what we are?

(CRYING)

Adam?

Dad?

(LAUGHS)

For the better or for the worse,

it looks like you're stuck with me now.

You know, Dad, I'm glad to be a bigfoot.

Me too.

I don't know how you did

it, but that was amazing!

I got to say it, kid, you're the real deal!

I guess I am. Whoa, watch out guys!

You... You should have kept

your end of the bargain.

It did not have to end this way.

(GRUNTS)

Nobody messes with my family.

Huh, my kinda woman.

- ADAM:
Mom.

- BIGFOOT:
Honey.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hi, sweetheart. It's great to see you.

- No more hiding.

- No more hiding.

(LAUGHING) Look what I found.

(ALL LAUGHING)

- Yo, dudes, metal! Tada da da da da da, yeah!

- (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANING)

My research.

My lab!

(PANTING)

(SOBBING) My time sheet.

(ALARM RINGING)

Ah, ah. Hey! That hurts.

Don't you have a snooze button?

You're gonna be late

for school. Now get up!

(YELLS)

(YAWNS)

Yeah!

Good mornin'! Allow me.

Oops. Sorry.

Good to go.

Ew, gross.

Mmm.

How about a bearskin rug!

(GROANS)

Mmm, he's so soft.

(LAUGHS)

Hello, everyone.

Whoa, Trapper, that's

going to give me nightmares!

Girls, don't listen to Uncle Adam,

he's just jealous of how pretty you

made me look. Now who's doing my nails?

(LAUGHS) And you thought

you were going to have boys.

I never said that.

- That raccoon will never change.

- (LAUGHS)

I could get used to this.

I could definitely get used to this.

Well, get used to it. We've got a

lot of breakfasts to make up for.

Ooh, gotta go.

See you guys tonight.

Don't forget your lunch.

Let me guess, meatloaf?

- But of course.

- (LAUGHS)

New house rule. From now

on, Dad does all the cooking.

- (LAUGHING)

- You got a deal.

I, uh... I'm not so sure...

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Hey, Tony, what are you

doing here all by yourself?

Where are your bros?

(LAUGHS)

(SNAPS FINGERS)

Calling in the cavalry. I

guess some things never change.

Where have you been, mop-top?

(LAUGHING)

You know what? I like my hair.

Good for you.

I'm serious, leave me alone.

We don't need to fight.

You're better than this.

No, we're not.

Okay, you asked for it. (WHISTLES)

(LAUGHS)

What are you're going to

do, whistle us to death?

Just calling in the troops.

Remember, I gave you a chance to walk away.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Look what we have here. We're terrified!

(SCREAMING)

(ROARS)

Thanks, Wilbur.

Just doing my part.

Girls, Daddy is very proud of you.

What are you smiling about?

No. You didn't. Let's check them out.

(YELLS)

(GROANING)

Whoa. Don't mess with these girls.

They take after their old man.

Now you better get back inside

before somebody reports a giant

bear terrorizing kids in the city.

Hi, Adam.

Hi, there.

What was that all about?

Well, uh...

Do you want to walk to school with me?

I'll tell you on the way.

I'd love to. I thought you'd never ask.

Oh. Cool.

(SHOE RIPPING)

Oh, no, not again.

Whoa, what's with the feet?

You're really different. I like that.

Maybe it'd be better

if I switch to sandals.

We better hurry, we're going to be late.

Slow down, we've got plenty of time.

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