The Standoff Page #3

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I will be when this is over.

Just messing with you, man.

Actually, you know, I'm kind

of pulling for all of us.

We all deserve to win.

Just that...

Maybe some of us deserve it a

little bit more than others?

Are you messing with me again?

I can't really tell when

you're being serious.

Oh, look at her.

Beautiful, isn't she?

I don't know.

Kind of like in a

Kardashian way, I guess?

She's not really my type,

though, but like I see how...

Oh, no.

Not her.

Her.

Oh, my goodness.

You... are...

A total...

Loser!

Seriously, tool,

get out of my car.

Your car?

Unless you came here

with a checkbook today,

this ain't your car.

No, no, I'm not gonna...

Not gonna buy a car.

I'm gonna win one.

It turns out,

"gameninjaking4.0"

didn't realize

he actually had to leave his

house to be in the contest.

So they had to draw

for a replacement...

- No.

- And guess...

- No!

- Who they picked.

- No!

Ah! How do I look with the car?

Good, right?

What do you think, huh?

What are you doing?

I'm just testing out the waters.

Look, I'm already athletic

and good-looking.

All I need now is a cool car

and I can get any girl I want.

Really? That's why

you want the car?

So you can score chicks?

That's the only reason any

guy wants a car like this,

'cause a girl finds a guy more

attractive if he drives a nice car.

And that's a scientific fact.

Am I right?

So "scientifically" speaking,

what kind of car does a girl need

to drive to get a guy's attention?

A guy could care less

what car a girl drives.

We only care about the

way that you look.

That's not a scientific fact.

That's biology.

Am I right?

That is so neanderthal of you.

And why do you want the car?

Because I want to prove

that a strong mind

is more powerful

than a strong body.

So this contest is just a

science experiment for you?

It's as good a reason as any other.

Why do you want the car?

I'm using this contest to boost

my social media profile.

Same with Jerome.

Yo, I just want to be able to do something

without a cat for once, you know?

Okay, does anyone actually want

the car just to have the car?

I do. I want it so I can jump

over it on my motorcycle.

I knew it! I knew it, dude!

Do you remem...

Oh, you weren't there when

I said that, I'm sorry.

Okay, so you don't

even need the car?

- That doesn't seem fair.

- Fair?

Oh, we're talking about fair

stuff now, are we, Amy?

Your dad's rich.

You could buy any car you want.

Why are you here?

Just because she's rich

doesn't mean she can't win.

We all have our reasons

for being here.

Yeah, what's yours? You want

to donate the car to charity

so you can, like, save

a handicapped whale

or an underprivileged

puma or something?

Actually i...

I wanted the car

so I could sell it and pay for

my mom's kidney transplant,

before it's too late.

I'm just kidding!

- My mom is fine!

- That's a horrible joke.

I just wanted the car to give it

to her so she didn't have to walk

to her job as a janitor

at the prison every day.

It's 15 miles each way,

and it gets cold in the winter.

- Hi, I'm Maya.

- And I'm Mia

- and together...

- We're M&M.

And we're here at big Jim's

for the start of

his dream car contest.

As you can see, all of

the lucky contestants

are already here

surrounding the car.

If I were them, I'd be sitting

down as much as I could right now.

That's because you tend

to be a little bit lazy

and let other people

do the work for you.

Let's say hi!

Here we have Jerome Bryant.

You all know him as the

man behind rapping cat.

Literally, he's the guy who

stands behind rapping cat.

And then we have none other

than Sophie Jackson,

- Internet sensation.

- Maya:
Aw!

She's almost as pretty in

person as she is online.

- Then we have Klyde Kosar.

- And Colby Mann,

our stud muffin athletes.

I love athletes.

They're so athletic.

- Call me So do I, although

a few more sit-ups

wouldn't kill you, Colby.

And then we have all the rest.

Big honor to be here.

- Do you hear that?

- Hear what?

The sound of dreams

about to come true?

It's big Jim!

Hey there! Hello!

How you doing? Hey there,

good to see you, pardner.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, hi, everybody!

Welcome to my car depot!

It's great havin' you here,

I was just telling Bo.

It's like having a family over

for a barbecue, ain't it, Bo?

We should be servin' hot dogs

or something, shouldn't we?

No, no, no, we ain't...

We ain't here

for hot dogs today.

- We here for hot rods.

- All right!

We are here for that

magnificent machine.

Ain't she a beauty? And one

of you beautiful youngsters

is gonna take that

car home very soon.

Or maybe not so soon?

Who knows?

We may be here a few hours,

we may be here a few weeks.

I don't know.

But before we get started,

I do have to tell you a few

things that I am legally bound

to communicate

in your direction.

So, girls?

Participation in this contest

can result in,

but is not limited to,

swelling in the feet

and lower legs,

numbness in the hands,

confusion, dizziness,

indigestion,

severe constipation,

nausea and vomiting,

muscle aching,

neck pain, sleeplessness,

sudden vision loss,

deep vein thrombosis

and in some cases,

spontaneous combustion and sudden death.

Good luck!

Well, whoa, whoa,

whoa, there, girls,

nobody's gonna die, okay?

Maybe from happiness, but not from

standing around for a few hours.

Thank you, girls.

Anyways, I can tell what

you all are thinkin'.

You're thinkin', "I'm

just standin' here now.

Why don't we get

this thing goin'?"

Well, there are a few things

that you need to know

before we start.

First off, you will get one

10-minute break

every two hours

at the top of the hour.

Now you can eat, drink

or pee, I don't care.

Just as long as you're back in

time, 'cause if you're not,

you're out!

Okay?

And when you hear this sound...

Ooh, that means that someone's

time here has come to an end.

Next, do not

under any circumstances

lift your hand off the car,

except for on a break.

If you lift your hand

even the teeniest,

Li-ttlest bit...

You're out!

And next, no sittin'.

Just stand there with

your hand on the car.

It's as simple as that.

Last man... or woman...

Standing

wins that magnificent machine.

And one last thing.

You are all on the honor system.

If you see any of your fellow

contestants lift their hand,

you are obligated to report it.

But to avoid any kind

of moral conundrum,

two of you have to see it

for it to be official.

Helps keep things

on the up-and-up.

Are we clear?

- Everybody ready?

Good luck.

Girls, count 'em down.

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two,

one, go!

Dude, whoa.

Are you okay?

How can they expect us to do this, man?

We're just kids.

Oh, this is so brutal.

I don't know how much

longer I can last.

Hang in there, man.

Just breathe.

I can't see.

I can't breathe!

I can't feel...

I can't feel my legs!

Okay, two people

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