The Standoff Page #7

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- Show us!

- Come on, go Jerome!

- Come on!

- Yeah?

- Yeah!

Okay.

Ah, here we go!

Oh!

Jerome in the house!

Mm.

Oh, man!

Does that video

really have 33 million views?

Just leave me alone.

Go home, already.

But look what I'm making

for rapping cat.

Great, now my cat has something

to snuggle with at night.

Thank you.

And then there was four.

How did you do that?

Voodoo lady.

Stay still!

You smell like pizza.

That's because

I haven't really, like,

showered in a week.

That's so cute!

I have to be honest with

you and tell you that

I am really attracted to you.

You remind me so much of my mom.

What? I remind you

of your mom?

Yeah.

- I mean, no. I just...

- What?

- Oh.

- Yeah, so, like,

you're... you're smart

like my mom.

Right?

You're cool like my mom,

and you're hot like my mom.

What... "hot?"

Like your mom?

What kind of a sick person

are you?

No, I mean, like, you're

not hot like my mom,

- she's hot like you.

- Yeah, that really... it doesn't help.

That's not...

That's not helping.

I don't think you

or my mom are hot.

- Just... you know what? I lied.

- Okay...

Okay, you don't smell

like pizza.

You smell gross.

Get out of my tent.

Where's my makeup bag?

Have you seen my makeup bag?

No, I haven't.

All I could find

was the stupid red lipstick.

It doesn't even match

this outfit.

I need my makeup bag.

I'm sure you're just as pretty

without makeup.

That's what they say

to ugly people!

Don't patronize me!

Get out!

Don't look at me!

Oh, god, I need to find it.

I need to find it.

Okay, come on.

Get yourself together.

You can do this.

You can do this.

You have ziplined

over volcanoes.

You can do this.

Just deep breaths.

Deep breaths, all right.

Oh, where's the light?

Where's the switch?

Come on.

There it is.

Okay.

Uh...

I don't know how long

I've been in here.

It could be hours. It could be days.

I'm totally...

- totally lost track

of time at this point...

What was that?

Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is not happening.

This is not happening.

Okay, I want to die

in a tragic fireball accident,

okay, not in a toilet.

This is ridiculous.

Okay, come on, just breathe.

Just breathe.

Maya.

I'm doing it.

I am balancing it on my head.

Oh, my apple!

- Hi, I'm Maya.

- And I'm Mia, and...

We're still here.

It's been 31 hours so far.

And five minutes. Thirty-one

hours and five minutes.

You can't forget the minutes

because every minute counts.

You were definitely adopted.

- Hey, Soph.

- Oh, hi, Lala.

Oh, what are you doing?

"At big Jim's

with the Sophie Jackson.

She's never

looked better."

No, don't.

Don't post that.

- Just did.

- No, you didn't.

I can see how

this can be so addictive.

It already has like 3,000 likes.

I'm gonna kill you!

I just thought

you wanted to be noticed!

I'm gonna shove

that phone up your...

What?

No. No!

Stop taking pictures of me!

Stop looking at me!

Are you looking at me?

Stop looking at me!

My taste for revenge

is like pie.

It's never-ending.

- Good luck everyone.

- Thank you, Lala.

All right, so it's been 70 hours

since I left on my bike

from horseshoe trailhead.

Wait, that...

That wasn't even me.

That was James Franco

in that movie

where he cut his arm off.

I'm not cutting

my arm off, right?

That's been done.

Okay, I'm... I mean,

I could...

I could cut my leg off.

That'd be different, right?

Would it be different, though?

Oh, my god, what am I saying?

I'm losing my mind.

I am losing my mind right now.

I'm hungry.

I need food.

I need...

Oh, I need water.

So, so thirsty.

I mean, there's gotta be

water somewhere.

Think, Klyde.

Come on.

There's gotta be water.

Sink doesn't work.

God, okay, come on.

Aw, god.

Just do it.

Just do it.

Damn it.

Don't look at this.

Sooner or later

you're gonna have to look out

for yourself in this world.

I mean, life is just so tough.

You can't just let people

walk all over you.

And sometimes, if you want

to get what you want,

you have to stop trying

to be everybody's best friend.

Hey, listen, thank you

so much for listening.

I mean, it just feels so good

to talk to somebody

that understands.

Can I actually have

some of this? 'Cause...

Mmm.

Okay. Thank you.

- Hi, I'm Maya.

- And I'm Mia.

- And were still here!

- It's been like, a million hours,

- and yes, we're still here.

- Yep.

This is ridiculous.

How long are they going to be

standing there?

- Well, I think.

- No one cares what you think.

Well, I was just going to say...

No one cares

what you have to say.

In fact, without me,

you would have nothing to say.

That's... wha...

What?

You know what?

I'm finished.

I'm... I'm outta here.

I am done with this stupid

competition and I'm done with you.

Without me in your life, you

would have no idea what to do!

Oh!

You scared me.

I'm sorry. I need to

talk to you in private.

About what?

Farrell.

It makes me so angry

to see how he treats you.

In any other situation

I might have to

just give him a punch

to defend you.

- O-okay, thank you.

- You're welcome.

Yeah, but I think I can

handle him myself, so...

Well, I think that

I have a way

we can get Farrell out

of both of our lives.

- What do you mean?

- You know how big Jim said

that if two people

see someone lift their hand,

they can have them removed

from the competition?

Yeah.

Well, what if we see Farrell

lift his hand?

Okay, well, obviously

if we see him lift his hand

- we're gonna say something.

- No.

What if he doesn't,

and we say something?

No. No, okay?

That wouldn't be right.

I couldn't do that.

Funny, because he didn't seem

to have a problem with it

when he asked me

if I would help him

do that to you.

- Wait, what?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, he thinks

we're gonna do it

right after this,

that we're gonna get you

out of the competition.

- I can't believe he would do that.

- I know, right?

What can you do?

Oh, I know.

We can do it to him instead.

Take him completely unawares,

Amy.

He'll never know what hit him.

Anyway, think about it, okay?

- Excuse me.

- Mm-hmm.

What?

Hi, everyone.

It's Mia.

And, eh... I'm...

Antidisestablishmentarianism.

That was the word...

That kept me from winning

the ninth grade spelling bee.

Not that I'm bitter

or anything. Hmm.

Antidisestablishmentarianism.

A-n-t-i-d-i-s-e-s-t-a-b-l-i-s-h-

m-e-n-t-a-r-i-a-n-i-s...

Nope.

A-n-t-i-d-i-s-

e-s-t-a-b-l-i-s-h-

m-e-n-t-a-r-i-a-n-i-s-m.

I just did it!

- He just did it!

- I just did it!

He just did it!

He just lifted his hand!

- I... what?

- Hey! Could...

Could we get big Jim over here, please?

He lifted his hand.

No, I didn't.

What are you doing?

Well, what's going on here,

kids?

Hey, big Jim.

He... he lifted

his hand, so...

- He's out.

- Are you a psychopath?

I did not lift my hand.

Now, the rules state

that two of you

have to see it happen.

So, Princess?

He take his hand off that car?

You saw it, Amy?

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