The Stepford Wives Page #3

I hope your wife

has gotten over the accident.

It was your wife, wasn't it?

Oh, yeah, yes. It was nothing.

It looked worse than it was.

I should go and see her.

I should've done it before.

She'd like that.

- Shall we make a start?

- Is it all right if Joanna sits in?

Definitely. I'm sure she's got

a lot to contribute.

Well,

you want me to get you

a more comfortable chair, hon?

No, it's OK.

My drink.

Excuse me.

Well, we all know what we're here for,

so who's gonna be the first genius?

Well, how about the Christmas toys

for the under...? For the poor kids?

For chrissake, Claude,

it's only May.

Yeah, well, I guess it's a little early

to start thinking about Christmas.

I'm frankly more interested

in the overprivileged kids,

like my son hated camp.

So naturally,

Charmaine won't hear

of him going back.

What's he gonna do all summer

besides drive me batty?

I thought we might try

a tag sale here this year.

Oh, sure, put a tag on all of his toys,

we'll make a fortune.

That's a good idea.

I mean, everybody's got something

around the house that they don't need,

- and we can help sell it.

- A barn dance.

- Barn dance?

- A barn dance?

- Well, that went out in the '40s.

- Right.

I think a barn dance would be

a good idea. Well, I'd like it anyway.

You're talking about a square dance,

aren't you?

Is that what you mean,

a square dance?

Hey, hey, wait. Anybody

ever heard of a cakewalk?

- A cakewalk?

- Yeah, a cakewalk.

- It's a dance.

- It's a terrific way to raise money.

Cakewalk is not a dance.

It's a thing where all the women bring

over cakes, then you draw this circle

on the floor. And you've got numbers,

and everybody circles...

Now, look, could we just get back

to the original subject?

Now, I brought up the possibility

of a tag sale.

Do you think we can

go through with that or not?

I thought we talked about it.

Well, nobody said whether they

really were for or against a tag sale.

Well, he said something

about a barn dance.

Do you wanna do a barn dance

or a tag sale?

We even suggested the possibility

of putting the barn dance

and the tag sale together

at the same time.

Ted, Ted, wait a minute, wait.

You have a better idea about the town.

I would go for the sale because I think

you'd get, like, somebody's garage

- and you could do that.

- Whose garage could we use?

And I have to tell you

that we've always run the club

democratically, and we've...

- Claude.

- We've always...

- You are full of crap.

- It's not my fault, because...

- Claude.

- And I wanna tell you

that I'm kind of disgusted about the

way you guys are handling yourselves

- at this meeting.

- Well, now, wait a minute, Ed.

We're just trying

to get some ideas for you.

I think you ought to appoint me

chairman, I'll run the whole thing.

If you'd run the whole thing, you're

gonna alienate everybody in this town.

If I can't do it,

my wife, Charmaine, will.

Excuse me. Let me see if I kind

of get the consensus of all this.

You really are more interested

in one kind of big event rather than

a lot of little ones? Is that fair to say?

I mean, is that what you're...?

I mean, a tag sale and all that

nonsense is really not appropriate, is it?

You want something big because we

have a real need here for some...

Well, you know, I think this has been

a very successful meeting. Don't you?

I think we got enough things that we

can present to the meeting, you know.

- Walter.

- When is the next meeting?

- What?

- I'm gonna go check on the children.

- Excuse me.

- Yes, yes.

After...

- Are you still driving that big Lincoln?

- Yeah, yeah.

You should have traded it in years ago.

Well, if you drive the way you talk,

you're gonna have a lot of accidents,

I'll tell you that.

Any...? Anybody else want a nightcap?

Yeah, get me a decent brandy, will

you? Instead of this cooking sherry.

Yes.

In case you're wondering

what I've been doing.

- You're not the lke Mazzard are you?

- I'm afraid so.

Oh, no. Walter, tell him.

I'm just awful on names.

You'll have to forgive me.

I used to gawk at all those girls

in those magazines.

You blighted my adolescence,

you know that.

I thought I blighted your adolescence.

I can't get over this.

- Is this for me?

- Keep it.

Keep it? I'll insure it.

Thank you so much.

My pleasure.

- Here you are, lke.

- Thanks.

See what you missed.

Oh. Oh, yeah, it's...

It's... It's very good

around the eyes, you...

You've been a long time.

I'm just clearing up some things.

I just can't stand to come down in the

morning to a bunch of filthy ashtrays.

What do you think?

Nice bunch of guys, huh?

You serious?

You have to be kidding.

You wouldn't have given those bores

the time of day back in Manhattan.

I mean, OK.

I was pleased to get this,

and he was quite sweet. But the rest...

- Well, I don't happen to agree.

- Walter, you must agree.

My God, they're worse

than your senior partners.

New Projects committee. They ought

to start by working on themselves.

- Well, that's your opinion.

- Well, of course it's my opinion.

Who else sat there?

Where's your sense of humour?

They were dummies.

I mean, take el presidente,

that graduate of Disneyland.

Well, he just happens to be a Ph.D.

From Berkeley.

He runs a multimillion-dollar

corporation.

What do they make, sleeping pills?

Look, this isn't me,

and what you're saying isn't you.

- You're putting me on.

- No.

No. I...

Look, this... This is Stepford.

It's not New York or...

These are the people we have to

live with and... And they suit me.

- Yeah, they really are.

- I gotta go see...

- You gonna be around later?

- Yeah.

OK. Bye-bye.

- Got a drink there?

- Oh, I'm fine. Thanks.

Yeah? Sure?

Yeah. Hey, listen, Marie. You want

to go for a swim later? Marie, huh?

- Oh, yes. I'd love that, Dale.

- OK. All right.

- Thank you very much.

- All right.

- I haven't forgotten your...

- Where's my wife?

Where is your wife?

- Hi, Walter.

- Hey, Dis. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Good to see you.

- Yeah.

- Hey, good to see you.

Ed is having a hell of a time down

there with Bobby.

- Give him a hand, will you?

- OK, sure. We'll go down

and give him a hand.

Get some drinks down to the pool

right away. Come on.

Over there, there's some kids

you can play with.

Can you believe all this?

For a bachelor, old Dis

must be quite a catch.

What do you say we go home

and change?

Like put on a fancy dress?

Absolutely not.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- How are you?

- Fine, thank you.

- Lovely party.

- Yes.

Did you get a look at the food?

How about photographing it

for a Save the Children poster?

Like Walter says, it's all so dazzling.

Why don't I like it?

I mean, I like it. It's perfect.

How could you not like it?

I just don't like it.

Am I making any sense?

- Well, hi, you two.

- Hi.

You want to come

and meet some people?

Why not? We're not proud.

Oh, you haven't got a drink.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote