The Stepford Wives Page #5

in one of our projects,

but she had too much ironing.

Maybe you could convince her.

Kit Sunderson too.

If they could find the time for me,

I could find it for you.

Isn't this kind of blackmail, Joanna?

It's what made this country great,

Claude.

Usually we start out bitching,

but maybe if we're lucky, we can get

into something more constructive.

Anybody have any questions?

Well, good.

Then we might as well get started.

Fine. Terrific.

Who wants to go first?

Talk about anything.

Sex, money, our marriages,

anything at all.

Well, how about if I start?

Right, yes, well...

I think there are times when

Walter cares more about the law

than he does about me,

and that can hurt.

I don't think that...

I don't think that Ed ever loved me.

I mean,

he married me

because I looked right.

It made a big impression

on the other TV executives for his wife

to look like I look.

God knows he's given me things.

I'm not complaining

on that score, but...

He never loved me.

I didn't bake anything yesterday.

Took me so long to get

the upstairs floor to shine,

I didn't have any time to bake.

Well, you don't have to bake, Kit.

There's no law.

Hell, Ed's lucky if I remember

to keep him in white bread.

Easy On spray starch.

It must save me

half an hour a day, at least.

You'll never run short of time again.

I guarantee it.

I've just been tempted so many times

to try Easy On.

I'm not trying to be

a leader or anything,

but we're not supposed to delve

quite so specifically into housework.

Easy On's really that good, is it?

Is it that good? Well, if time is your

enemy, make friends with Easy On.

That's all I can tell you.

It's so good

that if ever I became famous

and the Easy On people asked

me would I do a commercial,

not only would I do it,

I'd do it for free.

That's how good it is.

Holy cow.

I think I'll take Fred for a walk.

Fred?

- Where is he? Did he get out again?

- No.

I said I was going to take him

for a walk.

You going out?

No, I'm gonna walk him

around the bathroom.

You just keep doing

whatever you're doing.

I'm very fond of you.

Well, I'm fond of you too.

Fred!

Freddie. Wanna go for a walk?

Fine, Walter, just fine.

Fred.

Fred.

Come on back here now.

Don't give me a hard time!

Fred!

Fred.

Fred. Come here.

Sorry about that, lady.

I really didn't mean to frighten you.

- Oh, it's Mrs Eberhart.

- Yes. And you did frighten me.

Once again, Mrs Eberhart,

my apologies.

But this is a pretty quiet town.

Lot of very nice houses, like your own.

People have valuable things.

We have to be careful.

You see that old mansion

over there?

- It's a landmark building.

- I didn't know that.

Some railroad tycoon built it in 1870.

Before the Men's Association

took it over, it was a wreck.

Now the Association's got

a restoration committee

to try and fix up what was ruined,

so we have to be very careful.

We can't let people

just walk around at night.

One of the reasons I moved

from the city

was so I could walk around at night.

Well, certainly, you and Fred

can walk around at night.

But I'd stick a little closer to home.

Really, Mrs Eberhart, this isn't the

best place for you to wander around.

I see.

- Thank you. Good night.

- Good night.

Come on, Ed, let me drive.

You're in no fit state, OK?

All right?

Thattaboy.

Just lie back and relax.

Feel OK?

Good.

All right. Here we go.

Joanna.

Joanna. Come over here.

Come over here.

- Hi, dear.

- That's lovely, honey.

All right, ladies?

Got everything you want?

- Oh, yes, thanks.

- Have a good day.

Thanks so much.

- I was trying to tell you.

- Yes, what was that about?

- That was Frank.

- Frank?

The house. Remember?

That was Frank.

And that was Mrs Frank.

- "God, there, Frank, yes."

- Oh, I remember.

I remember. God.

Now, how about that

for our Stepford twosome.

- Oh, God, yes. Wait a minute.

- OK.

We're going the wrong way.

I have to go this way.

- Cleaners.

- Yes.

- Hi.

- On the other side.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Have you heard?

Just spreading like wildfire.

A black family's moving into town.

Think that's good?

I think it's good.

Well, I don't know if I think it's good

so much as I think it's natural,

considering, well,

I mean, after all,

we are the most liberal town around.

- Stepford?

- Liberal?

Well, sure.

We have the first Chinese restaurant

in Fairfield County.

Ah, yes.

And we had the first women's club

to ask any of those liberation ladies

to come lecture.

- There are no women's clubs here.

- There was.

I went to a meeting once.

There must have been

Well, where the hell are they?

Some of them moved away,

but I guess most of them

just plain got bored.

I know I did.

There we are. Off you go.

We disbanded, oh,

years ago. We weren't

accomplishing anything useful.

You mean useful

like doing housework?

I like to see my home looking nice.

Look, we found this at the library.

Listen, Carol, it says you were

president of that club.

I only took the post

because nobody else would.

Please explain to me what you're into.

Is it enough?

Well, enough for me maybe is

not enough for you, Joanna, but...

Well, you see, Ted's doing really well

in his scientific research now,

and I give him a good home.

I really think that helps.

The kids are doing the best

they've ever done in school,

and I'm here all the time. I...

Well, I know that helps too.

I'm really off the booze,

and God knows that's better.

It's none of your business,

but our sex life is better too.

Look, I'm sorry to disappoint you,

but I'm happy.

I'm happy.

You know,

maybe we're the crazy ones.

Don't say that. We're not.

- You sure?

- We're fine.

OK.

We are fine.

- Hi.

- How'd it go?

What? Oh, well, he hated them.

I must say, I was inclined to agree.

I don't know what made me take them.

But still...

Did the girls bring Fred over

when they came?

Not that I know of.

Oh, shoot.

And he has no license, nothing.

Can I leave the kids here a bit

while I go look for him?

Sure, I'll go with you.

- Dave, will you take care of the kids?

- OK.

I'll be right back.

All right, Mommy.

We'll find him. Tell me more about

what that fink said in the gallery.

Fred! Fred!

- Did you see what I saw?

- Found him?

No, back at Charmaine's.

Oh, my God.

You see, Ed hated tennis,

but he never said a word.

All he wanted to do was to please me.

Well, I want to please him now,

and, boy, am I ever going to.

You see, we spent this weekend

at this beautiful little inn in Vermont.

Just Ed and me, you know,

talking things through.

The Park Merrill with some friends,

the Fishers,

and we had the most terrific time.

I can't get my mind operating.

Besides, I'm just swamped with work.

- Work?

- Oh, yes. I fired Nettie.

Yeah, it was...

It was just the being alone with Ed

that did it.

All I ever thought about before

was just me.

Well,

I'm here to tell you

that's all over now.

Ed's always hankered

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