The Stooge Page #2

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- Yes, sir.

- Miss Reagan.

Tell me the truth.

Do you honestly think he's human?

l've heard people bet both ways.

Stick around, mister.

There'll be a spot in just a minute.

Never mind.

l would like to have...

Could l...?

Could l get a...?

l would like to have a... A glass...

What'll it be, bud?

Oh, l'd like a glass

of hot water, please.

- Hot water.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

- What'll you have with it?

- Oh, that's all.

That's all?

- Just hot water?

- Yeah, l want it for my tea.

You've got a nerve.

Driving away my customers

and making your own tea!

Now, get out here! Beat it!

You take your hands off me! l'll pay

you for the hot water, here's a nickel.

Now, get out of here

and quit taking up space!

Don't you put your hands on me!

l'll call a policeman!

l paid for the hot water

and this a public restaurant

and l've got a perfect right to sit here.

That's the law.

- The law?

- You heard me.

Look it up yourself in the code book

of the City of New York!

Article nine, paragraph six, revised.

And l got friends on the force.

Don't you give me no trouble.

Excuse me.

Well...

...you got everything.

That saves me a lot of trouble.

Yeah, my mother makes

my lunch every morning,

so l don't ruin my stomach

in these sloppy hash houses.

Don't you touch me,

l got friends on the force!

Thank you.

l don't use pepper.

Sugar?

Oh, thank you. l beg your pardon.

Cream or lemon?

Oh, l always use cream.

- Cream.

- But don't bother. l brung my own.

l'm just trying to be helpful.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

That sandwich.

Wouldn't you like me

to toast it for you?

Oh, would you?

That's it!

Oh, you broke the whole hand!

You deformed me!

Now, l won't be able to play

with the other children!

What are you yapping about?

You still got four fingers left.

Yeah, but when l grow up,

l might want to play the piano, maybe.

You're running a very

unsanitary establishment.

You can rest assured, l'm going to

report you to the Board of Health!

Ted! l've been looking

all over for you!

Mr. Robertson wants to see you

right away. Come on.

Why didn't you find me sooner?

l'm never coming back here again!

You just lost a customer!

Oh, Ted, here's that

phonograph handle you wanted.

Oh, thanks, Duzik. l'll give you the

money for it on payday. Miss Reagan...

Hurry up. You're three minutes

past your half-hour.

- Yeah, but Miss Reagan...

- Ted!

l'm sorry, Mr. Robertson.

l'll give you the money for it on payday.

Careful, Ted, don't cut

your throat on my time.

Mr. Robertson, it was an accident!

l didn't mean to do it.

l had Duzik's phonograph handle

and l was just gonna knock

on the door, that's all.

- Come in, boy.

- Don't pick on a little guy.

lt's all right, don't get excited.

Sit down, son.

- Me?

- Yes, sit down.

Well, Bill, there's your man.

Hit where there's padding.

Hit where there's padding!

- Come on, kid.

- What do l do?

Just go right ahead with him,

that's all.

- Oh, l'm sorry, sir.

- Grab those, huh, kid?

- You want l should go with him?

- More than anything in the world.

l'm sorry, Mr. Robertson.

l'll pay you for that on payday.

He sings too, huh?

Good luck, Mr. Miller.

Hello, sweetie.

Myrtle Theatre, Brooklyn.

How are you, sweetheart?

You wouldn't mind telling me

where you were the last hour?

l was working, doll.

l was getting some new jokes.

- l'll bet.

- From Al Borden.

Why don't you marry him?

- That's not funny.

- Neither are his jokes.

Mary. Mary...

- ...l'm sorry.

- That's very nice of you.

Well, l am. You know how

important this is to me.

Well, l'm pretty fed up.

Ever since the day we were married,

all l've heard is Al Borden

and his jokes and the act.

That's a fine way to talk.

You know l'm trying to make good.

All right, then, let's not talk.

Mary!

Hey!

Oh, take care of this, will you, kid, and

l'll see you in the dressing room. Mary!

Six dollars, buster.

Oh, that's very reasonable

for such a nice cab.

Now, hold it.

That's the fare, birdbrain.

Now, pay me or

l'll charge you for waiting.

You don't believe in keeping

all your eggs in one basket, do you?

Wait a minute, that's only five.

l said six, didn't l?

- Could l have some back?

- What?

Well, then could l just have a nickel

for carfare or a cup of coffee?

You panhandler.

Hey!

Lover, when l'm near you

And l hear you speak my name

Softly...

Quiet!

Oh, please get out of the way.

Our cue is on.

Lover, when we're dancing

- Quiet.

- Quiet, schmiet.

You try and be quiet.

You try and be quiet,

carrying these bags.

...entrancing music dies

Still mad?

No, how can l stay angry with you?

l'm sorry about last night,

but it's like l told you, honey.

l want to get up there

where you'll be proud of me.

And sometimes l'm in such a hurry,

l just get carried away.

- Oh, come on in, kid.

- l'm sorry, Mr. Miller,

- but if you won't need me anymore...

- Put the big one up there.

Watch that. Easy!

- Yes?

- Five minutes, Mr. Miller.

OK.

Mr. Miller, would you like

me to put this away?

Yeah.

Come on, let's go, Mary.

Come on, kid!

Mr. Miller, l better be getting back.

Mr. Robertson's gonna miss me.

- See that box?

- Yeah.

- You go on up there.

- Oh, to see the show?

Thanks, Mr. Miller.

- For free?

- Yeah. Go right through there.

Good luck, darling.

And good luck to you too.

You're on.

Oh, l'm sorry, lady!

Oh, that's all right.

Ask the sky above

And ask the earth below

Why l'm so in love

And why l love you so

Couldn't tell you though l try, dear

Just why, dear, l'm yours

When you went away

You left a glowing spark

Trying to be gay

ls whistling in the dark

l am only what you make me

Come take me

l'm yours

How happy

l would be to beg and borrow

Or sorrow with you

Even though l knew tomorrow

You'd say we were through

lf we drift apart

Then l'll be lost alone

Though you use my heart

For just a stepping stone

How can l help dreaming of you

l love you

l'm yours

You brought me out for this?

Take it easy, Frank.

Thank you. And now, ladies...

Thank you. All right, all right.

Thank you very much,

ladies and gentlemen.

Now l have a treat for you.

Something you're getting for nothing.

Did you ever hear of a fellow

named Jimmy Lyons?

For your information,

Jimmy Lyons is the fellow

that wrote one of the

greatest hits around today.

A song called ''For You''.

- ls he kidding?

- Give him a chance.

And it just so happens we have

Jimmy Lyons in our audience today.

Let's have him take a bow.

House lights!

- No, you!

- Me?

Come on, stand up,

take a bow. Don't be shy.

Get up. Come on.

Oh, lady! Lady!

Lady! Lady! Oh, lady!

Mr. Miller!

- Gee, you're strong.

- You're cute.

- l'm getting out of here!

- Oh, no!

Come on, let's get him to sing, huh?

Come on, applaud.

Go on. Don't be stuck up. Sing.

All right.

Nothing came out.

Hit it.

Ask the sky above

And ask the earth below

Why l'm so in love

And why l love you so

Couldn't tell you though l try, dear

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