The Stuff Page #6

for bringing it back.

Yeah, okay. Move it on in.

( gate rattles )

Well, c'mon! Move it on in!

- Not till we talk about money.

- It's all settled.

( gunshot )

( rapid gunfire )

I kinda like the sight of blood,

but this is disgusting.

( yelling )

MAN ON PA:
Attention! The main gate

has been penetrated.

Outsiders are entering the factory.

Do not resist them.

Follow the agreed upon

course of action.

Repeat. Follow the agreed

upon course of action.

Where the hell are the yellow-bellied

sons-of-b*tches Stuffies?

Get back! C'mon!

Check out behind that truck.

Get some men up on that tower. Now!

C'mon, you Stuffies sons-of-b*tches!

That's right, Colonel. You tell 'em!

Let's go have a look inside, guys.

( rapid gunfire )

- No show of resistance.

- They may not be armed, sir.

Doesn't matter if they are. There is

no match for the American boy.

- We have never lost a war.

- What about 'Nam, sir?

We lost that war at home, sonny.

They may have run out on us.

( gasps )

Don't look. Don't look.

The yellow sons-of-b*tches.

They took their own lives.

Commie bastards! You cheated me.

Still warm.

This must have just happened.

Must have issued suicide capsules,

ready for us.

Standard KGB procedure.

FBI, you ever seen anything like this?

( gasps )

No white stuff

in this son-of-a-b*tch!

Whatever was inside of them

must have just taken off.

- I want to see this.

- No, we have to go outside.

You have to protect the young lady,

trooper.

- How do you get out of here?

- Down to the end, take a left.

Come over here, boy.

C'mon, move!

With these guns

you've got in your hands,

you think you can shoot anything

you don't like?

What if what you don't like is inside you?

How you gonna shoot it?

( rumbling )

( screams ) No!

Go faster, Nicole.

Hurry up! Move!

We've got to make it

through that door. Come on!

Oh, yeah!

NICOLE:
One...two...three!

Look out! Don't get any of it on you!

( screaming )

All right, we're gonna leave it

where it is.

I own two radio stations in Atlanta.

We're gonna fly down there.

We're gonna broadcast a warning.

We're gonna tell the public

what this Stuff can do.

COLONEL:
75, 80, 90% of the people

in this world don't like me.

- No?

- I give my body, I give my soul.

- And they still don't like you?

- They never have liked me.

When I was a boy, I was the toughest

and smartest and best-looking.

They want someone lily-livered

and weak and spineless, like they are.

Ain't that right, FBI?

So, anyway, is there something

you can do to change my image?

Colonel, I think she can change

your image like that!

You sold them that white sh*t.

Why can't you sell 'em me?

Come on, gorgeous! I should'a taken

you into combat years ago.

( yelling )

What is this, World War III?

Just get us to 4th and Main

and no more of your liberal remarks.

( women screaming )

MAN:
Where are they going

with machine guns?

( yelling )

Pay the drivers. Issue a 10% tip.

- Get a cash receipt.

- Yes, sir!

Proceed to the lobby.

We will reassemble. Hup!

Report!

Sir, our affiliates in Florida

and Memphis

have agreed to carry your remarks

in full.

Buy clearances on as many stations

as you can.

Try the network affiliates.

Make it worth their while.

- What's on our station now?

- Local sports then a tribute to Elvis.

Can't get enough of The Stuff!

The stuff. The taste that makes

you hungry for more!

- Get that sh*t off my station!

- ( turns radio off )

Get it off!

- You can't write this.

- What?

Well, you say that you're partly

responsible for the whole thing

and that you promoted

reckless advertising.

- It's the truth, isn't it?

- You want to wreck your career?

You can be idealistic,

but don't be stupid. This is...

I thought I'd let you support me

for a while.

- Support you?

- Yeah. You do make money.

Yeah, well,

when I blackmail people, I do.

Get these Stormtroopers out of my way

before I lay them all to waste!

Get out the way! Don't you know

who I am? I am Chocolate Chip Charlie.

My hands are registered with the Midland

Georgia police as lethal weapons

and I eat them guns for breakfast.

"The American people are being

poisoned by a popular dessert product

"known as The Stuff.

"If you have this food in your possession,

do not eat it." Good.

"If you are a merchant and you..."

What is that?

That's "do not sell it".

Get! Get! Just get out of it!

- He's all right. Charlie, how are you?

- How are you doing, David, my man?

Hey, David, man.

They tried to get to me,

but I punched a lot of holes in them.

- How did you find us?

- You got time for a long story?

No, I don't, but I never did hear

from the FBI.

You are not gonna do a program

without the participation

of Chocolate Chip Charlie.

They stole my company, man.

I got a right to be heard.

That's a great idea.

Course, they might figure I'm lying,

trying to knock the competition.

Often it's easier to believe lies

than the truth.

Charlie, you are really welcome.

- I'm Nicole, queen of the ex liars.

- Eight minutes to air. Who is this?

- He's on the broadcast.

- Not on my station.

Hey, are you really

Chocolate Chip Charlie?

It's nice to see that somebody

still likes me.

I am just plain old Charlie W Hobbs,

who wants to make a statement.

You are not going to keep me off

those microphones,

even with your stooges

in the funny costumes.

Do you realize how many people love

Charlie as much as Jason does?

- 20 million!

- 20 million people.

In advertising money,

how much is that?

An extra 20,000 a minute, probably.

If you wanna throw away

all that money, go right ahead.

I will permit this colored man

to speak.

But speak one word

of the Commie Party line

or one word in code,

and I will blow his head off.

Look, can I go somewhere

to get my thoughts organized?

We'll get the plot outlined

and be back in a minute.

We don't have a lot of time,

so are you prepared to say on air

that you've seen people

devoured by The Stuff?

Hell, yes! And I've seen what's left of

them when The Stuff comes back out.

You want to run that by me again?

I've seen what's left when it gets

through with them and comes back out.

It sort of vacates the premises

when it's through.

How?

I'm sorry. What am I asking you for?

How would you know?

Oh, I know!

Charlie.

Charlie, are you all right?

Charlie, are you all right?

What's the matter?

( groaning )

Charlie! Let go!

( screams )

Oh, God! Charlie!

( screams )

Jason, don't move.

Don't let it touch you.

( both scream )

NICOLE:
Moe!

Help!

( inaudible )

- Moe, help us!

- Help!

NICOLE:
Oh, God! It's growing!

( screams )

Hit the juice!

Hit it!

Get the girl out! Get the kid out!

I'm coming. Come on, Jason.

( Nicole groaning ) Oh, no!

It was slithering!

30 seconds, sir. Should we delay?

No. We'll never get

the clearances again.

( beeping )

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

from Atlanta, Georgia,

this is a broadcast of warning.

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