The Sum of Us Page #3

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this wonderful smell of lavender floor

polish, all over the place.

- Good night.

- That reminds me of a funny story.

Suppose it's a bit off.

I was there, once.

Some of my cousins were staying, too.

So I had to sleep in the spare bed

in Gran's room, you know.

I remember, I could see it so clearly.

Waking up that first morning,

Looking across to Gran's

big old double bed,

And there were Gran and Mary.

Tucked up in bed, wrapped

up in each other's arms.

Gran was snoring, I remember.

I lay there looking at

them for such a long time.

Just looked natural somehow, you know?

Like the most natural thing I'd ever seen.

Like love.

- Hello?

- Joyce Johnson?

- No. No, I'll Just get her.

Mum, it's for you.

- Hello?

- Ah, look, you don't know me, um,

but my name's Harry Mitchell,

and I got your name from

Desiree's Introduction Agency.

- Oh, yeah. Mr. Mitchell,

Pleased to meet you.

- Please. Call me Harry.

- Of course. I'm sorry. Harry.

But...

Look, it's all right...

- It's the first time I've

done this sort of thing, too.

- Oh, you mean, um, you don't use

Desiree's on a regular basis?

- No.

No, nothing like that.

Um...

No, I'm interested in

a serious relationship,

and the most important thing

to me is companionship.

Uh, I was thinking that we

should, uh, meet, have a meal,

you know, somewhere, uh, quiet, classy.

I happen to be a member of

the Rozelle Leagues Club.

- Isn't that a bit rowdy?

Well, they, um, you know, have a very nice

dining room, actually,

and there's dancing.

Proper dancing.

Well, but if, you know, you'd prefer a

movie or races or whatever...

- No, no, no, no. I'd like

to have dinner at your club.

- You would?

- Mmm.

- Oh, that's very nice, Joyce.

Well, then I'll pick you up on Saturday,

say half past 12?

- Yeah. Or I could meet you

there, if you like, Harry?

- No, no, no, no. It would be my pleasure.

Um, I'm looking forward to it, I promise.

- Me, too.

- So, 'till Saturday, then.

- Bye.

- Bye, then.

- G'day, Baxter.

- Hi, George.

That's better. Couldn't

hear myself think in there.

Cheers.

- Yeah, cheers.

Baxter?

- Oh, it's a joke. The

footy team, you know.

Backs to the wall, boys, here comes Jeff.

- So, you play footy.

- Just the local pub, just amateur.

Bit of a laugh.

- Well, it's more than a

laugh, from what I've heard.

What goes on in those locker rooms?

- Oh, well, it's a

man's world, mate.

It's all spit on the floor,

and, how many sheilas

did you root last night?

Do you play any sport?

- Yeah, swimming.

I do a lot of swimming.

Keeps me away from home a fair

bit, I suppose that's why.

All by yourself, in the water,

no one to hassle you, give

you a hard time, you know.

Won a few medals, too, at school.

- Wouldn't mind seeing

you in your Speedos!

- I'll show you later. Got 'em on now.

if you wear your footy shorts...

- You're on.

I really liked you from the first time

I saw you down the pub.

It took me yonks to pluck up

the courage to even say g'day.

- I thought you weren't

interested, you know.

Like, I've seen you,

too, and in the park.

I work in the park.

And I've seen you there, jogging,

in that footy gear.

Those shorts look really sexy on you.

- What you said before,

about, about, home,

don't you get on, at home?

- Oh, Mum's all right, but

Dad's a bit tricky, you know.

He's always picking on me,

finding fault with everything I do.

He went through the

roof when I got my job.

- Gardening? What's wrong with that?

He said it wasn't good enough

for me. No future in it.

But I'm bringing home nearly

as much money as him, already.

He's, I don't know, he's

like a stranger to me.

Someone I live with, but don't...

know very well, and, don't like very much.

That's why I took up swimming.

- Things are a little bit

different at our house.

Do you wanna come home?

- Just push it open.

Make yourself comfy.

Want a beer?

- Where's...

Is your dad out?

- He'll be in bed.

- Well, shouldn't we be a bit quiet then?

- What for?

- In case we wake him up.

- Ha! He won't be asleep. Not yet.

Probably come and say G'day .

I told you, he knows all about me,

what I do and who I do it with.

I bring blokes back all the time.

Not that there's that many,

I mean. I should be so lucky.

What I'm trying to say is that Dad knows,

and he doesn't care.

- Well, if you're sure.

- Scout's honor..

If they've got any left.

Come on.

Sit down.

Relax.

That's better. Cheers.

- Yeah, cheers.

- I'm really glad you showed up.

- So, what about the other

teams? The football teams.

- You're just an old

footy perv, aren't you?

- Uh-huh.

- Just 'cause they're

big, butch footballers,

doesn't mean they're

Superman, in bed, you know.

Every year, the team goes to Manila,

for the, you know, post-season holiday.

And every year, they end up in a brothel.

We've got this one real

brick with ears, Jack Rhymer.

First time, he was really shocked.

He'd been with this Asian chick.

She was all over him, you

know. Doing everything,

like a Chinese gymnast.

Jacko wasn't too keen on that.

He said he kept wishing

he was with an Aussie girl

who'd just lie there

like a soggy cornflake.

- Um...

What do you like?

- Well, I don't know as I'd

win any gold medals, but...

I like a bit of action.

- So do I.

- Don't let me interrupt anything.

- For crying out loud,

Dad, can't you ever knock?

- I was just going to get

myself a beer. Anyone else?

- No.

- It's ok, I Promise you.

- Relax, just carry on as usual.

- But he saw us.

- F***, he's seen worse than that.

- A couple of years ago, I had

a friend who stayed the night.

We were having a wake-up session.

Dad brings the tea, right

in the middle of it.

- Oh, what did he say?

- Ah, he said, careful of the sheets.

It broke the ice.

- Well, aren't you going to introduce me?

- Yes, sorry.

This is Greg. Greg, this is my dad.

- Very pleased to meet

you. You can call me Harry.

Sit down.

Come on.

- Thanks.

- Make yourself at home.

- Um...

- Well!

Up your bum.

- It's just a joke. Dad's

always making jokes.

- Yeah, like that time with

the lavender floor polish...

- Steady on Dad, it's a bit off, that is.

- What was that about

lavender floor polish?

- Don't worry about it,

you wouldn't be interested.

It's just a misunderstanding.

- What do you do for a crust, son?

- He's a gardener, Dad.

- Oh, yeah, deaf and dumb, is he, too?

- I work at the Botanical Gardens.

- Is that right?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Perhaps the young fellow

would like another drink.

- Uh...

- Want something stronger?

- No. No. This is fine.

- Got some scotch, maybe

a drop of brandy left.

- Well, I wouldn't say

no to a drop of scotch.

- You know what they say,

whisky makes you frisky.

- Yeah, and, brandy makes you randy.

- Hey, pity we haven't got any rum, eh?

- That's a good one, I like that.

- Ha.

- I'll make it a double,

then. I'll just get the ice.

- These are wonderful.

- My pride and joy.

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