The Sum of Us Page #4

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Not as good as my brother Eric's.

I don't know what he does.

- Well, uh,

You know what they say about tomatoes.

Same as lemon trees.

- Busy at the Prinny?

- Uh, yeah, it was packed.

- Nice pub.

- What, you've been there?

- Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, when it

became obvious, that, uh,

Jeff was, well, that way,

I thought, well, "His

heart, his life," and, um,

I'd never met any

willie-woofters, so, I...

sorry, gay persons.

Or none that I knew of, anyway.

I thought, well I've gotta

find out what all this is about.

So, uh...

I got him to take me on a pub crawl.

It started off at the Prinny.

We had a great old time.

I had no idea there was that many places.

We ended up at the, The

Barracks, I think it was.

I got talking to a couple

of blokes, you know,

a bit nancy, but a lot of fun, really.

And, uh, and one of them, well,

he must've thought I

was that way inclined.

He asked me my name

and when I said, Harry,

He said, oh no, that

doesn't suit you at all.

You'll always be Harriet to me.

Well, Harriets not a name

I've ever been fond of.

So I said, Harriet? Never!

Call me Henrietta.

- Henrietta, eh?

It doesn't really suit you.

- Eh? You reckon?

I thought it was pretty good myself.

I mean, a bit refined, you know?

- Cripes, I just can't imagine my dad

ever doing something like that.

What's that? What's that?

You know, when I'm working, of course.

What's that?

- Cheers.

- So you, uh, live at home, uh,

- Greg.

- Ah.

Yeah. Worst luck.

- And, uh...

You don't get on with

your family then, Greg?

- Well.

- Greg's folks don't

know about him yet, Dad.

- I see.

Don't you think that's a shame, Greg?

Leave it, Dad.

- Oh, I've always been

very grateful for Jeff

being honest with me.

I mean, not that I had a lot of choice.

Finding him in the back shed there

when he was, what, 14, were you?

You know, sticking it

up Willie Jones' bum.

- I was not up his b...

- Well, near as bloody damn it...

- You are very broad-minded...

- I try to be, mate.

I have to be, you know.

I mean, this is Jeff's home,

and if he's unable to be

himself here, where can he be?

And I want you to think of this

as your home, too, eh, Greg?

You're welcome here any time you like.

We don't have any secrets

from each other here.

- Nothing on, uh, telly, Dad?

- Nothing worth watching.

This is much better, eh?

- Well, uh,

up your bum, Henrietta.

- Up your dress, Griselda.

- You two are well away, aren't ya?

- Tell me, what's your ambition?

You know, what's your dream?

Apart from playing hide-the-sausage,

with young Jeffrey here?

I mean, what would you like to do in life?

- My secret dream?

My really, truly secret dream?

Oh.

- I'd, I'd like to

plant a forest, you know?

To plant a whole forest.

And watch it grow.

And go out and stand in the middle

of all these great trees, and say,

I planted this, I made this.

- That's magnificent.

Do it.

That's wonderful, don't you think, Jeff?

- Bloody oath.

Make a fair old swag of

violins, too, wouldn't it?

- Make a fair old swag of violins, too.

Don't you have any respect

for the English language?

- What's wrong with the way I talk?

- I like the way he talks.

It's real manly. It turns me on.

Uh, I'm sorry, Harry, that was a bit bold.

- Please. Pretend I'm not here.

- Yes, please.

- Why don't you get the, uh,

young fellow another whisky, Jeff?

- No, no, really. I'm a two-pot screamer.

- I'm a bit like that, myself.

Two, and I'm anybody's.

- Three, and I'm everybody's.

- Four, and I'm nobody's.

- Actually, maybe I will have one more.

I might do anything.

- Feel free.

- Nice place you got here, Harry.

- I'm very pleased you like my boy, Gary.

He, uh, doesn't push himself very much,

you know, sometimes.

But, uh, he's got a heart of gold.

And he likes you.

- Well, I think he's very nice.

- But if you need anything to, uh,

well, uh,

He can be a bit of a lump.

Uh, I've got these magazines,

you know, if you need

anything to get started.

- Um.

Well, are, are these Jeff's?

- Yeah.

No, uh, i...I bought them.

I just, uh, wanted to find out what sort

of thing he got up to.

I mean, I had a fair idea, uh, of course.

But there's, uh, some,

uh, things in here, uh,

that I would never have imagined.

And this one, it's about safe sex.

Oh, I was worried about

this terrible aids thing.

I mean, who isn't these days?

- Yeah.

- And, uh, I just wanted to

find out if Jeff was safe.

Um.

Well, you know, it

worries me; he's my son.

Um, ahem and, uh,

So I thought I'd just

leave these lying around,

like, so Jeff could find

out what it was about,

but he told me that he knew...

- It's all right Mr.

Mitchell. I mean, I do,

do safe sex, too,

If that's what you're worried about.

- Hmm.

Well, there you go, then, um,

If you need a turn-on.

Um, well, um, have a good time, won't you?

- Thanks.

- Yeah, I will get out of your way now.

It's been very nice to meet you, Gary.

You, too. Uh, Greg. You, too, Mr. Mitchell

- Don't do anything I

wouldn't do, you two.

- Can't believe he's gone.

thought he'd never get the hint.

- Sorry, Greg. I, uh, forgot to ask,

how you take your tea in the morning.

- As it comes.

- White, with two?

- Piss off, will ya?

- Don't mind me. Good night, all.

- He really does mean well.

Where was I?

- Look, uh,

do you mind? I think I'll give it a miss.

- Come on.

It's still early.

- No, really.

Another time...

- Did he say something to you?

- No. No. He's a wonderful man, it's, uh,

it's just, uh,

I got a bit of a headache, you know.

- I've got some Panadeine.

- Doesn't help. Migraine, you know.

I need those real strong

ones. I better push off.

- It's him, isn't it? It's Dad.

- No, it's not him.

It's not you, or anyone.

It's just me.

I can't hack it.

Bringing your boyfriend home,

and not having to lie and pretend.

Look, I think it's really

terrific what you've got

with him, I really do.

- But?

- It hurts a bit.

It makes me feel guilty about what we do.

Maybe it's too domestic.

Sort of makes the atmosphere,

I don't know, not very sexy.

I'd like to see you again,

Jeff. I really would.

I like you a lot. You're

a really nice guy.

So is your dad.

Tell him I said good-bye.

- Don't go, mate. Please.

I like you, mate, you know.

I don't just mean sex.

We don't have to do that,

if you'd rather not.

I like you as a person, you know.

I feel comfy with you.

Just don't go, please.

We can talk, get to know each other a bit,

I'm wasting my breath, aren't I?

- Yeah, sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

- I'll see you, then?

- Yeah, mate. Of course.

- I do like you, Jeff.

- Ta.

I went down to Melbourne once.

Kevin had moved there and I thought,

I thought I could talk him

into getting back with me.

Didn't work, of course.

The point is I went down by train,

and there was this woman.

Couldn't take my eyes off her.

Suddenly, she said,

Oh.

The agonizing pain of it all.

The agonizing pain.

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