The Survivors Page #5

Mano a mano? What did you say to him?

You leaving again?

- Is she young?

- Who?

We've been married too long to play

these games. You'd leave, I never ask.

- I wish you wouldn't start that.

- You went away for weeks.

Will you ever trust me?

I don't care if she's a stewardess.

But if you're in love...

After 17 years,

you know I don't love anyone else.

Why the trips?

The phone calls that make you leave.

- I lie awake, picturing you with her.

- You wanna know?

You really wanna know?

I'm a professional killer.

- Come on.

- That's right.

Wanna know where I've been lately?

I've been in jail.

Wanna know where I'm going?

I'm going to kill two people.

Wanna know why?

Very simple.

These men can finger me

for the death of Jimmy Hoffa.

Then I'll spend my life in jail.

I can't have that sh*t.

So I'm not out there

committing adultery.

I'm out committing murder.

Thank God.

It wasn't like I asked you to do

anything difficult. A phone call.

- Are you done?

- He's a professional killer.

- Me too.

- You're a sh*t disturber.

I don't believe you actually called

him a clam-brain.

Oyster-brain.

There are people living normal lives,

why can't I be one?

Why did I end up with a nut

dressed like an Eskimo terrorist?

- Now you attack my clothes.

- What will we do?

We'll fight and we'll win.

We'll walk tall and fear no man.

No, really, what will we do?

- Wanna meet someone to help you relax?

- Desperately.

Take a right, up there.

Stay close.

They're using live ammo today.

I'd hate to die before he gets here.

I'd hate to get killed anytime.

If you get killed, you can't

party or anything. It would be a drag.

Shoot the radios. Without music,

they lose half their will.

You won't find any arrowheads

down there.

We each have a dog sled team.

They go anywhere.

If it's cold,

you can sleep with the dogs.

Platonically, of course.

- What does that mean?

- Means he's no dog lover.

- Wes once ate a dog.

- On purpose?

Yes. He was stranded without food.

Good thing it tasted like squirrel.

Too bad it was his fastest dog.

Not fast enough.

Wes changed my life.

Now I control my environment...

...instead of it controlling me.

If I had to, I could kill.

I took an aerobic class.

It didn't cost $5000 or anything...

...but if I had to,

I could jump and land in a split.

You die!

Sorry, Bob, too early. You seen Wes?

Greetings, gentlemen.

Welcome to the new middle ages.

There will be violence,

destruction and savagery...

...never dreamed of.

But, if you are prepared...

...this will be a time to treasure.

For all of you.

You are the kings of the future.

Did you pass...? Did you pass out

the Supply Survivor Catalogues?

Hideaway brochures?

I wasn't supposed to

till you finished your speech.

I finished the " kings of the future"

speech. Look alive. Come on.

Please turn to page three of your

Supply Survival Catalogue.

When the end comes, there won't be

supermarkets. No drugstores.

There will always be mail order.

And this is your life line.

The two-dollar fee will be refunded

on your first purchase of over $50.

This sounds stupid, but...

...won't you get bored out here

if society doesn't collapse?

Wes says, society's heading

for the big flush...

...we'll be clinging to the rim

while everything falls.

- What if things improve?

- Is the air?

- True.

- The economy? The Middle East?

Arts? Literature?

Television? Presidents?

Anyone can nitpick.

Name one thing that's improved

the last decade.

- See.

- Video games.

- Video games. There you are.

- All right. I acknowledge that.

But society will deteriorate.

But hiding up here in the hills,

it seems so un-American.

We won't stay forever.

When the sh*t hits the fan,

pardon me, we'll come take over.

Now you can't get any more American

than that, can you?

See that attach case that man has?

In that case are Wes' plans

for the restructuring of society.

Boy. Think about that.

A whole new society.

We'll be part of it.

- It makes your sphincter tingle.

- Sphincter tingle?

- Those words didn't come to mind.

- Let's tell Wes.

- Wait...

- We gotta...

...so everyone can prepare.

It'll be a homecoming.

- We'll make something special.

- Maybe we shouldn't.

Maybe we should keep this between us.

You know, mano a mano?

- Wes will want a mano in there too.

- That will spoil it.

- That's how John Wayne would do it.

- Damn straight.

F***ing-A. Pardon me.

Let's go meet Wes now.

I think we'll do that...

...but let's go see Wes now.

- I'll tell you what.

We get up early tomorrow,

meet Wes, maybe take a walk...

...then we finish Jack off

and grab dinner.

- Make a day of it.

- Yes.

Fantastic.

Does this make you realize

that men have nipples too?

- Wes said other things...

- Nipples?

Hello, Jack. How have you been?

Sure, we can talk. Talk this!

I admire a man who can

go one on one with me, because...

Oh, you cheat! Oh, my leg!

Too bad you're wearing a Teflon vest.

I guess you got me. Not really!

Now for the mercy kill.

Ciao, baby.

- Hey.

- Pardon me?

- Let's get out of here. Let's pack.

- Hey, pack this.

You're gonna force me to do

something I didn't wanna do.

What's that, old man?

- I'm a master of hand-to-hand combat.

- Oh, well...

Sorry, now you're packed.

Quick. Let's get him out of sight.

Faster, Wiley, faster!

Knock it off.

- Hi.

- Don around?

- He's out.

- Totally.

- Friend of his?

- Yes, I'm Sonny Paluso.

This is my daughter.

- Such lovely skin.

- Her skin is only 16 years old.

I've some business with Don.

I'll see him at class.

- We won't be here.

- Candice and I won't.

We dropped by for today.

We're going to the Big Cesspool.

I'm afraid not. I've closed the area.

No way in or out till dawn.

- Good. We'll sleep well knowing that.

- Doreen.

- Have a nice night.

- Thank you. You too.

Here, Lucky, here, boy. Mush!

WXIW weather.

Intermittent snow flurries.

Okay. Now, let's do it once more.

What are you gonna say to Jack

when he comes?

I'm gonna say:

" I go along with the deal. "

And then I say,

"What happened before...

...is between him and the police. "

That's nice.

Then I'll say, " I'm sorry...

...but I have to blow a hole

in your skeevy heart. "

"Skeevy heart"?

Yeah.

- An expression you learned from Wes?

- Yes.

Wes says meet an attack

with a vicious counterattack.

If I don't get sleep,

I won't be vicious.

And to you Wes is a god?

No. Just an ordinary man.

Ahead of his time, but just a man.

- Wes is an a**hole.

- Blasphemy!

You'll smoke a turd in hell

for that!

Wes says your gun is your friend.

- Yes, I love my gun.

- Well, here is your gun.

Show me how you'll use it

when Jack gets here.

Give it to me.

Maybe you'd like to use

your friend, the knife.

Sh*t!

Perhaps when Jack comes in you'd

prefer to make him pancakes.

No! No!

Yes.

This is a lot like how

I gave up smoking.

Let's go through it once more.

What will you say when Jack comes?

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