The Sword in the Stone Page #2

enough. Now, develop your brain.

Knowledge, wisdom. There's

the real power. Higher learning.

That's the thing.

So, first thing tomorrow morning,

we'll start a full schedule.

Eight hours a day. We'll have six hours

for schoolroom and two for study period.

But l... I don't have the time.

I have page duties.

Uh, page duties? Ha!

Ah, well, we'll change all that.

There's got to be a shake-up.

Well, yes, sir.

I, I suppose so.

How do you ever expect

to amount to anything without

an education, I'd like to know?

Even in these bungling,

backward, medieval times...

you have got to know

where you're going, don't you?

Ye... Yes, sir.

Yes, of course. So, you must

plan for the future, boy.

You've got to find a direction.

And you've...

Now, by the by, what direction

is this castle of yours?

I think it's north.

The other way.

Oh, oh.

All right, then we better get

a move on. Come on, come on, lad.

Pick up the pace. Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Yo-ho, the devil take it!

No, the devil take it.

Anyone's got better sense

than to go barging off in

that infernal forest alone.

You had no business

letting him go.

Look, Dad, I'm not

the Wart's keeper.

Well, blast it all, I am.

After all, I, I took him in,

adopted the lad, you might say.

Being his foster father,

well, I'm responsible.

Whoop.

Tiger! Talbot! Off with you.

Now, look here, Wart.

What's the big idea of

gallivanting off in the woods...

and worrying the living

daylights out of everybody?

- I'm sorry, sir.

- Well, sorry's not enough.

That's four demerits.

Four hours extra kitchen duty.

Eh, report to the cook!

- But, sir, I'd like you to meet...

- Go on, hop it, boy, hop, hop, hop it!

Well, yes, you've got to keep a tight

schedule to run a big place like this.

Need strict rules.

Especially for small boys.

And I most certainly agree.

Who are you and...

Oh. I mean, uh, you?

Uh, my name is Merlin.

Uh, this is Archimedes.

A highly educated owl.

Educated owl?

Say, that's a good one.

Say. Hey, I know.

You've got him under a spell,

Marvin. You're a magician.

The name is Merlin.

And I happen to be the world's

most powerful wizard.

Come off it, man.

Gadzooks!

All right.

I shall demonstrate.

Higitus figitus migitus moe...

wind and snow

swirl and blow!

What the devil

are you up to?

And that is what I call

a "wizard blizzard."

Hey, Kay, would

you look at this?

An indoor blizzard.

And in the month of July.

So what?

All right, Marvin. Turn her off.

I'm convinced.

Alakazam!

I, uh... I hope you don't go in

for any of that black magic.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Never touch the stuff. No.

My magic is used mainly

for educational purposes.

In fact, that is why

I am here.

I have come

to educate the Wart.

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm running this place. And if you think

you're gonna fiddle with my schedule...

you'd better pack up your bag

of tricks and be gone.

Wha... Well, by Jove.

Hey, he's gone.

Hm-mmm. Good riddance.

I'm gone, but then,

I'm not gone.

So, if I do leave...

you could never be sure

that I am gone, can you?

Well, uh...

Well, I must say, you...

you got me there, Marvin.

Yes. Well, you win. You're

welcome to stay if you like.

Thank you.

You're very kind.

Very generous, I must say.

Well, uh, all we can offer

is room and board.

Hard times,

you know, Marvin.

We'll put you up

in the northwest tower.

That's the guest room.

It's a bit draughty in the winter...

but in this blazing hot weather,

it's the best room in the house.

Oh, yes.

Very lovely indeed.

So just make yourself

at home, Marvin.

Marvin, Marvin,

Marvin, Marvin.

Best room in the house!

Guest room!

Unwelcome-guest room!

But if he thinks that he can get rid of

me, I've got news for that old walrus.

- I'm sticking it out.

- And I say we go back to the woods.

No, not on your life.

That boy's got to have an education.

He has a future.

Well, you may be right.

A skinny kid like that would make

a cracking good chimney sweep.

Something tells me that

you're all wet, Archimedes.

- Who goes there?

- Pelinore!

It's Pelinore, dash it all!

I've got big news from London.

Big news!

Come on, man.

Drop the bridge.

Oh, big news, eh?

They can't wait for

the London Times. First edition

won't be out for at least, uh...

Archimedes, would you mind

sailing down there and, and...

Not interested!

Oh, come, come, come, come now.

You're as wet as you can get.

No! No, no, no!

Archimedes! I'll turn you

into a human.

- Hmph! You wouldn't dare!

- I will. So help me, I will.

Well, all right, all right.

All right!

All right.

It works every time.

Just like magic.

Pelinore!

Pelinore.

Greetings, old boy. And what's

all the noise about London, hmm?

Big news. Really big news.

Sit down, man,

and let's hear all about it.

They're having a big tournament

New Year's Day.

Oh, that's not news,

dash it all. They always do.

Yeah, but, Ector... Ector, here's

where all the excitement comes in.

To the winner of this tournament

goes the crown.

You mean... You mean

he'll be king of all England?

King of all England.

- Kay, lad, did you hear that?

- Pretty fair prize, I'd say.

Yes, and you can win it, boy,

if you knuckle down to your training.

And we'll have you knighted by Christmas

and off to London. What do you say?

Sure. Why not? Why not?

Wart, lad, how'd you

like to go to London?

- Oh, Sir Ector, you mean it?

- If you stick to your duties,

you can be Kay's squire.

Oh, I will, sir.

I will.

I don't want the Wart

for my squire.

Here's to London!

And here's to Kay.

And here's to the banner

of the Castle of the Forest Suavage.

- Cheers!

- Cheers, cheers.

- Cheers.

Charge!

Weight forward!

Lean into him!

Steady, boy. Steady!

Steady with the lance!

Grip her tight!

Hit him clean!

No, no, no!

Heads up!

Ar-Ar-Archimedes. Archimedes,

wh-where, where, where are we?

In a tumble-down old tower...

in the most miserable old castle

in all Christendom, that's where.

C-Castle? Castle?

Don't you even

remember the boy?

Uh, the boy?

Can't you remember

one blasted thing?

- Oh, now, just a moment. L...

- Tight grip on the lance.

- Oh.

- Loosen the saddle, knees in tight.

Weight forward

and stay on target.

You keep losing your grip.

It's not a mere matter

of muscle, sir.

Jousting is, uh, uh,

a fine skill.

It... It's a highly

developed science.

Science, indeed.

One dummy trying to knock off

another dummy with a bit of a stick.

And the Wart's just as hot

for it as the rest of them.

He certainly is. That boy's

got real spark. Lots of spirit.

Throws himself heart and soul

into everything he does.

That's really worth something if it can

only be turned in the right direction.

Ha-ha.

Fat chance of that.

Oh, I plan to cheat,

of course.

Use magic. Every last trick

in the trade if I have to.

I'd give anything to go riding

about on a great white charger...

slaying dragons and griffins

and man-eating giants.

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