The Tail Job Page #4

but we're just having a

girls' night, so, yeah.

- I'm sorry.

Don't you want to believe

what I'm telling you

Put my heart on a

sleave I'll be loving you

Dreams you want to

believe that I'm meeting you

Do they give you some of my love

- You sure this is the place?

- This is the place all right.

- Why would Sio Bohan

bring her in here, Trevor?

- Some girls like these places.

- Not Mona!

- I think there's a lot

about Mona you don't know.

- Oh yeah,

what do you mean by that?

- They've all got secrets.

- Gentleman, what can I get you?

- You've got a lot of fine

looking ladies here tonight.

- That we do.

- Lady we're looking for would have been

in here earlier as a customer.

- Not a lot of female clients here, mate.

- She wouldn't have been alone.

She would have been with a gentleman.

- Like I said, pal,

not a lot of guys bring their girls here.

Think about it,

would you bring a date here?

It's like taking pizza to a pizza shop.

- Well, she's a pretty girl,

blonde hair, green taffeta dress.

- Taffeta or not, no one

was in here like that.

- Come on, Trevor, this is

clearly not the right place.

Let's just go, huh?

- Actually, I'll have two

whiskeys on the rocks.

Now, the gentleman who

would have been here

with our lady friend, his name

would have been Sio Bohan.

- Never heard of him.

- Hey boys, want the private dance?

- No, thank you.

- I have something you want.

- I highly doubt that.

- She might.

- Information.

- Can we have another song please?

You don't have to dance.

- Sio Bohan was here tonight.

- Was he here with a girl?

- He was, a blonde girl.

She sat on his lap at

the front of the stage.

This girl was a wild one.

She loved the pole dancing.

She looked like she wanted to stay

but when Sio wants to leave, you follow.

- Where did they go?

- I would imagine another

one of Sio's clubs.

- What, he's a club owner?

- Whose place do you

think you're in right now?

- Who is this guy?

- Do you know where we

could find him right now?

- I will help you find Sio Bohan

so you may kill him!

- Whoa!

- No, no, no.

- Hang on, hang on.

We're not here to kill anybody.

- No, look, you and Mr. Bohan

obviously have some issues

you're working through, but I,

on the other hand, am just

looking for my fiancee.

- When Sio chooses a woman, she is his

and she is his until he

says she is his no more.

Trust me on this fact.

- Please...

- Nadia.

- Nadia.

Can you please tell us

where they were going?

- Very well.

- Right-o, fucktards, time's up!

- No, can we just have one

more minute with Nadia?

- No!

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Out!

Pause it there.

Okay, zoom in and enhance.

- What?

- Enhance the pixels.

- Oh man, it's not a computer.

Its a VCR.

- Well just print the screen.

- It's literally a video machine.

- Then write the number plate down then!

- Geez.

- Any results?

- No, there's no clubs

under the name Sio Bohan.

- Are you spelling it right?

- Yeah, I think so.

Hey Stacey!

- Hi Nicholas!

- Hello Stacey.

- Hi...

- Trevor.

- Nicholas,

have you found Mona yet?

- No, have you heard from her?

- No but I think I

have a friend who can help.

- Who?

Who is your friend, Stacey?

- What is it?

- Yeah, g'day, Mr. Bohan.

Look, sorry to disturb you,

I just wanted to let you

know there was a couple guys

here looking for ya',

maybe cops, maybe something else.

What do you want me to do about it?

- What do I want you to do?

I want you to show some f***ing initiative

and get the boys to deal with them.

- Right.

Do we have any boys?

- So who is this friend?

- He's a friend from uni.

He's good with computers and stuff.

He downloads TV shows and movies for me.

- What are you doing in here?

Who let you in?

- Lee, this is Nicholas

I was telling you about.

Nicholas, this is Lee.

- Hey, how are you doing?

- Thanks for helping out, mate.

- No problem.

I don't do the phone tracking myself

but there's a guy who does,

we just have to wait for him.

- Jurassic Park, classic.

Sam Neal starring as Generic Guy.

You know the only reason they cast him was

to make the dinosaurs look more real.

- Here he is.

- Right Lee, who am I helping?

- This is my friend Stacey.

- This is my friend Nicholas.

- And you want a trace on a phone?

- Yeah, hi, I'm trying to find my fiancee.

It's nothing suss or anything

but we were following her in a taxi and...

- I don't want your story.

- Yes, he wants to put

a trace on her phone.

- Yeah, is that something

that can be done?

- It can be done depending

if you have the information

I require, is it a smartphone?

- Yeah.

- IOS or Android?

- Is it an iPhone?

- No, it's a Samsung.

- Android, even better.

Okay, well hopefully she

has her devices registered

with a Gmail account.

What's her email address?

- You know her password?

- I do, actually.

- Does she know your password?

- Yeah, I think so.

- Idiots.

What's her Gmail password?

- Actually, it's kind of funny.

It's Heymonaumona.

Like the song.

- Can you type that in?

- Yeah.

- Okay, looks like we

might have her phone.

- What's happening now?

- We're downloading an

app on to her phone.

It's going to take some time.

Give me your phone.

No password protection.

- If you have the same

name as another celebrity,

you're supposed to change it

especially if that celebrity

has already been making films

so this Joe Panetel comes along,

using the Cohen's good name

to trick Bill Murray into Garfield

and tricked him in to the sequel.

- Sio Bohan.

Do you think that's an Asian name?

- It could be Scottish or Irish.

- Yeah, well wherever it's from,

he's f***ing his fiancee.

- Well, we don't know if they're

actually sleeping together.

- They're definitely on a date.

- A date, that's not cheating!

- No, that's cheating.

- Going to dinner isn't cheating.

- Well she did lie about it.

- Being dishonest about

anything is cheating.

If you lie awake at night and dream

about having sex with someone

else, that's cheating.

- No, that's thought crime.

You can't punish someone

for the way they think,

that's dystopian, that's Orwellian.

What do you think we're trying to do here?

- I don't know.

What are you trying to do here?

- Anyway,

a date isn't cheating.

- What about flirting?

- Not cheating.

- Why?

- What about sex?

- Depends what you mean by sex.

- A handjob?

- Not cheating.

- Come on!

- A handjob isn't sex.

If it's not sex, it's not cheating.

- Well what's sex for you?

- Full penetration.

- Really?

- What about a blowj*b?

- Not sex, not cheating.

- Licking out?

- Nope.

- Between the breasts?

- Not cheating.

- Fingering?

- It's not cheating.

- Fisting?

- Not cheating, I'm sorry.

It's just not cheating?

- Anal sex?

- Okay, that software is now on her phone.

The GPS information from her

phone is going to be sent

to you so you should be able to track her

and you can set the alert to

anything you want like this.

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