The Taqwacores Page #6

Wow, Imam, I gotta tell you. Im really touched here.

I feel like weve built some bridges tonight.

Yusef.

Yeah

Come out here a second.

Okay

So, whats up?

One of the bands called up Jehangir from

a gas station. Like an hour ago.

Yeah

Theyll be coming

any minute now.

I cant wait.

Is that all?

No.

I think I figured it out.

Figured what out?

Why Rabeya wears a burqa.

Why?

For the same reason I got this.

Sh*t.

Dee Dee Ali!

The queen of taqwacore!

Hey!

Whats up mama?! F***, you look great!

Look at that? Is that Secret Trial Five?

We made these on the bus when we were on tour together.

- Thats beautiful. Let me grab that from you.

Will you grab that? What the hell

you got your pants down for, man?

I was on the sh*t-er. - I knew it.

What the sh*t is this?

What?

Whats this? Its f***ing nuts.

Its f***ing freezing out here.

Come on were Buffalo baby!

Coldest f***ing Muslims on the planet.

Well then you better get me inside and warm me up.

- Want me to warm you up?

Tonight we party.

Tomorrows the show. bring it!

Look at these guys!

Pretty punk rock, huh?

The star of David?

Yeah man, its like

Its like Sid Vicious wearing the swastika.

You know, punks all about

pissing people up and the

Taqwacore is punk rock for Muslims, so

this is punk up the f***ing ass, man!

But whats the point?

I mean, youre just offending people.

Youre just getting

everyone riled up.

What do you mean? - I mean...

- Huh?

As-salaamu alaikum!

Wa alaikum as-salaam.

Kahif alaikum y'akhi!

Good, good.

How you doing?

Good.

Man, Im the f***ing proof of everything

this f***ing sh*t says, the whole sh*t.

The Quran tells you not to drink, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

Dont f***ing drink.

I went ahead and I f***ed that all up.

I f***ed my whole life up. By f***ing fingerin little

school girls twats and then f***ing puking in their hair.

Thats the kinda sh*t that I do.

Thats my life.

Quran tells you to keep your dick

dry til youre married, right?

You keeping your dick dry?

Yes.

You know how many haram c*nts Ive had?

Now I got green sh*t coming out of my dick

and Ive got cauliflowers

coming out my a**hole.

You want cauliflowers

growing out your a**hole?!

No.

So read your f***ing Quran!

Get it right in there!

Get your f***ing Quran right in there!

Right in here! And live it out!

And dont forget!

Or else youre gonna end up just like me.

Go f***ing back to medical school,

be a f***ing good Muslim doctor.

Hey! Assalaamu alaikum, man.

Guys its f***ing Bilals Boulder.

Whats going on brother?

Wa alaikum.

Whats going on?

Brother we just came to say salaams.

Were sleeping in the van.

No brother, weve got plenty of room here.

I mean, not plenty of room but you know, we

got a big ass house, whats four more guys?

Brother, alhamdulilah. Thank you so

much but we are sleeping in the van.

Yakhi its f***ing freezing outside. Come on now.

You guys dont know how Buffalo

- We are okay.

Al-hamdulilah.

Never seen such scary dudes

with such soft voices.

Yeah, theyre a different bunch.

Theyre a bunch of c*cks, Jehangir!

Theyre decent guys.

Theyre just a little rough to

deal with sometimes. Alright?

Theyre hate mongers. If they had the chance

they would have thrown me from a minaret.

Yeah Muzzamil.

They hate you.

They hate me too.

They hate all of us for something.

Look at us.

Were the ones that have always been

excluded, afraid to be ourselves.

And now what? We get our own scene and start pushing

people to the sidelines? Does that make sense?

F*** that.

F*** being as small as they are.

Be big.

Be bigger than them.

Hey yo, brother.

Whats up man?

Hey, watch it!

Man, hey. Whats going on?

Im going to be

with our guests.

Did I ever tell you about

the band I had out West?

No.

You had a band?

Yeah.

We called ourselves

"Hi, my name is Allah"

Its the most blasphemous

thing we could think of.

Though our intentions were pure, we came

off as pretty f***ing disrespectful, man.

What happened to the band?

I couldnt do it anymore, man.

Whenever I sang I used to get these

Awful f***ing stomach aches, man.

Like a mess of f***ing

scissors jumbled up inside me.

My own body was

disagreeing with me.

Are you okay?

F***, Yusef.

Theres all these ayats and hadiths against

about making divisions in your religion.

And theres gonna be seventy-two sects

of Islam at the end of the world, right?

But only one can be right.

What if were another one

of those wrong sects?

No, this is not a sect.

Yeah, thats why I invited Bilals Boulder.

Yeah, theyre c*cks yakhi, theyre f***ing c*cks.

We all know their c*cks.

This isnt a sect if we keep it open, man.

If we don't form

the farqa

Groups.

Please Allah.

I know you have no reason to listen to me.

Because Im sh*t.

Please...

Dont make this a sect.

As-salaamu alaikum

Wa alaikum as-salaam.

Im Harun. I write Ordinance twenty.

Ordinance twenty, the taqwacore zine.

So it really happened like that, huh?

Yeah.

That makes him like a martyr, right?

I mean, I dont know ..

If Id put it like that way, exactly.

Fair enough what about his stuff?

Is any of it still here? - No. - What happened?

It all got thrown out.

Alright what was he really like? I mean, you know did

he pray five times a day? Whatwhat, what did he do?

You know what?

Can we please, just let him rest?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

- Thank you

Well, the others in the house. I mean, there was the girl

in the burqa, the Shia skinhead, that straight edger

They all moved out.

And in a couple of days I will

be out of here too, you know.

Well I gotta tell ya brother

especially looking around

I didnt expect to see someone

like you to answer the door.

I guess I just, was thinking maybe

you know it would be someone more

I dont know, more like a

Like a punk?

Yeah, more like a punk.

Im sorry I let you down.

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