The Titfield Thunderbolt Page #4

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No buses?

Pearce and I are prepared

to consider a merger.

Let us come in with you, 50-50,

and we'll drop all opposition.

Oh, I see!

- So you've gone bust? Excuse me.

- That's a very libellous statement.

Mr Chesterford...

Look, Crump, we'd sooner see

our train at the bottom of the river.

I guarantee that goes for all of us.

- Well?

- He wouldn't even listen.

- Right, that settles it!

- But the risk?

There's nothing else for it.

Get Hawkins tonight.

(Rings bell)

(Engine starts)

(Steam engine running)

What is it, dear?

- The steam roller.

- Harry Hawkins?

Disgraceful! Keeping that

Hampton girl out till this hour

They haven't spoken for days.

- The inspector's due tomorrow.

- What's that got to do with Hawkins?

He's an enemy of the railway.

You haven't much love for it yourself.

I'm not the sort of man

to condone a crime!

(Sighs)

You're not going to ring the police?

Ah!

Perhaps I have

too much imagination.

No!

Well, then, ring the police, dear.

It's not your job to prevent crime.

In my position, one daren't risk

making a fool of oneself.

(Owl hoots)

(Metallic thuds)

(Steam engine starts)

Hey, stop!

Stop! Hey!

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Who's there?

Stop! Hey! You, there!

Stop!

Sto...

(Crash)

(Crashing and splintering)

(Groaning)

Ooh! Oh!

Gotcha!

(Wheels squeaking)

It's a judgement on me.

I've failed in my duty.

Rot, Sam.

You couldn't sleep with her.

In a spiritual sense.

That such a crime could be

committed in my parish.

- Any chance of getting her up?

- It'd take three months to mend her.

We have precisely 12 hours.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Wouldn't they give us time

to get those repairs done?

Red tape is strictly non-elastic.

If there's no railway

for the inspector to inspect,

our order is cancelled.

- In other words, we've had it.

- Try to be brave, child.

(Dan sings) ? Drink to me

only with thine eyes ?

? Drink to me ?

? Only with... ?

All aboard!

? Drink to me ?

?Only eyes ?

? Drink to... ?

? Drink to me ?

? My eyes

? Dri-ink to my... ?

- Holding a wake, Mr Taylor?

- A wake all right!

? Drink to me only... ?

A man should never be left

to mourn alone.

(Owl hoots)

(Slurred) Never see her again.

Requiescat in pace.

Gone for ever.

Let's hope she didn't suffer.

- Suffer?

- A swift and merciful end.

Oh.

Who are we talking about?

My engine.

My old engine.

But, Dan, you haven't got

an engine any more.

There's been an accident.

Did nobody tell you?

I know where I can get an engine

any time I want!

Another engine?

Another engine.

Psst!

(Whispers)

(Valentine sings)

I Harrow may be more clever

I Rugby may make more row

I But we go on for ever

? La di-di-di da da

? All pull together...

Me hat! Me hat!

? La la la la whatever

I Rugby may make more row

I All pull together

? La-la-la la-la la-la ?

The line is now extinct.

(Whistle blows)

(Steam engine runs)

(Train chugging)

(Whistle blows)

Of course!

Of course!

(Phone rings)

Are you there?

Yes. The police?

Mr Blakeworth?

The very man I want. Keep him there.

Keep him there!

- Mr Blakeworth!

- Monstrous! It's an outrage!

- It's so undignified!

- Mr Blakeworth.

(Both speak at once)

- We must have her!

- You must know that I'm innocent.

She'll still take steam,

and with your influence...

Your influence could get me

out of here.

- Get you out of where?

- Don't you understand?

- They've put me under arrest.

- You can't do that.

Mr Blakeworth's the town clerk

We need him urgently.

We want the Titfield Thunderbolt.

- Out of the museum?

- Yes, yes. She'll run.

She's as good as ever she was.

I'll stake my living on it.

This gentleman's accused

of wrecking your train, sir.

Nonsense, man! Speak to the mayor.

He can give permission.

- You will make him, won't you?

- Tell them to withdraw this charge

and I promise you all the help

in my power.

Of course, of course!

Charge withdrawn.

Quickly! We've only got six hours.

- Just as I said.

- She's on the timetable.

- Turntable!

- Just as I said.

Shh!

I let the pigeon off

but she never came back.

(Steam hissing)

- (Cranking)

- 'Ere! What's that?

(Both) Oi!

Jump on. They've rumbled us.

Jump on, jump on, jump on.

Come on, jump on.

Jump on, jump on, jump on.

(Slurred) Never missed a signal yet.

(Horn honking)

(Whistle blows)

(Tyres screech)

- Left for Titfield!

- Short cut.

(Whistle blows)

(Crash)

(Banging and clattering)

(Valentine sings drunkenly)

I Your body between your knees I

(Clanking)

Careful, boys.

Wait a minute! Careful, now. Slowly.

- Don't bump her.

- Hold it a minute. Hold it.

Come on.

(clunk)

Ease up on the port side.

- Sam!

- What is it?

We've got the engine.

We haven't got a passenger train.

- Oh, dear.

- Well, may I make a suggestion?

Couldn't Dan help you there?

(Both) Dan?

Yes, yes! Dan!

Bravo, Mr Blakeworth.

Bravo, indeed!

(Drunken, raucous shouting)

(Valentine) I La la la la la la

? Lalala ?

Burning the candle at both ends?

Time you good people were in bed.

- Two prisoners.

- What's the charge?

Drunk and disorderly,

taking away a locomotive,

driving under the influence

of alcohol,

driving an unlicensed vehicle,

careless driving,

ignoring pedestrian crossing,

failing to observe traffic sign,

causing ashes and/or sparks

to be emitted on highway,

driving the wrong side of road,

failing to report accident,

Malicious damage,

excessive noise, defective tyres...

- I never done it. What about bail?

- No. No bail.

I'm in no condition

to face my darling wife.

But what about me?

I haven't got a wife.

- You haven't got a home, either.

- Mm?

Don't worry, Sam.

I'm sure Seth can rig up something.

He's never done a bad job yet.

There's a bishop

looking for you, sir.

Bishop?

- You on the carpet?

- I've been expecting it.

But today of all days!

The Bishop of Welchester's here.

Emily, tell him...

- The Bishop of where?

- Welchester.

Ah!

- Hello, Sam.

- Olly Matthews!

- My dear fellow! Come on up.

- I say!

Oh, Sam, what a little beauty!

You lucky devil.

What an experience!

- You've seen her before.

- In the museum, but to stand on her!

I did once mount the North Star,

Gooch's two-two-two

with a double-crank driving axle,

but this, ooh!

- She won't couple.

- Huh?

This type of coupling

didn't come in till 30 years later.

- 33, to be precise.

- 1875? You're quite right, Olly.

The inspector'll never know

the difference.

There's only a weak

hand brake on this engine.

And if you use the brake in the van,

you'll throw the weight

of the whole train on that coupling.

If you give me the time, I'll fix up

something to tow the Queen Mary.

Time?

We haven't even got a fireman.

Our fireman's got himself

into a bit of trouble.

If by any chance

he doesn't turn up...

- Sam, you don't mean that I...?

- Keep calm, Olly.

He sinned in a very good cause.

They will surely be lenient.

Good morning.

Tell me, is it a pleasant prison?

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