The Toy Page #5

They're in the dryer,

and they're all wet.

Now tell me something.

Are you brown all over?

You can talk dirty, if you like.

I'll jump on top of you.

How disgusting for him to force

himself into my room. Go to bed!

ERIC:
Jack!

What?

Where you going?

Home.

Why?

Are you that dumb, kid?

Jesus!

Well, aren't we full of surprises?

I was looking for the laundry room.

Frulein's got my clothes.

The laundry room?

Yes.

Oh, yes, the laundry room.

Why don't you just follow me.

See you, Eric. Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Excuse me.

May I have your

attention, please?

I just wanted you all to see

what U.S. bought his boy today.

It doesn't even need batteries.

Isn't that sweet?

I hope it starts a trend

to do something about

the unemployment situation.

If y'all want one

for your children,

we're taking orders...

We gotta talk.

U.S., can't you take a joke?

JACK:

I'm embarrassed.

U.S.:

I didn't think

that was remotely amusing.

Did you?

Not remotely amusing.

You're marking my arm,

sugar.

I thought three weeks

with that shrink would be enough.

Now you gotta spend

some quiet time

at that hospital.

I'm sorry. I was bragging.

You liked for me to brag on you.

Let loose of me.

Is somebody gonna deal with

what happened to me?

Your wife embarrassed me!

So what? You're getting paid.

It's past your bedtime.

Put your toy away and go to sleep.

You, come with me.

You can't pay me enough money!

U.S.:

You're gonna get yours.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Son of a...

You can't leave!

I can't?

In your pajamas?

Frulein's got my clothes.

You won't get your money.

Money? You're not hearing me.

I was embarrassed and humiliated!

You acted like money

was the most important thing.

I was wrong!

Was I bad?

Were you bad? What you were gave

a new meaning to the word "bad."

Stop! Don't go out that door!

There's parking people out front,

and they'll laugh.

Jesus.

Go out the side door.

You sure? Listen to me,

you're something else, man.

You never cease to amaze me.

Every time I think

you're a rotten kid,

you do something real nice.

Hey, thanks, pal. Take it easy.

So long.

Bye.

Bye-bye, Eric.

[ALARM BLARING]

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

JACK:

Eric! Open the door, you little sh*t!

[ALARM BLARING]

WOMAN:
Should we do something?

What else can go wrong?

Probably a short-circuited wire

or something.

ALL:

Oh.

JACK:

Open the door, you little bastard!

Let me in! Open the door,

you little sh*t!

Eric!

Sh*t. Jesus Christ.

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

MAN 1:

He might be armed and dangerous!

MAN 2:

Negro! Grab him.

Probably on drugs.

MAN 1:

I bet he got out of penitentiary.

[MEN SHOUTING]

MAN 1:
Hey! Watch my car!

MAN 2:
He's high on marijuana, I bet!

Ah! Baby Jesus!

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

It's only a fault

in the electrical system, I'm sure.

Well, Rasputin, what's next?

I want to go back to school.

Before the end of spring vacation?

Tonight.

But this is my week.

I knew you wouldn't let me.

What's wrong? What happened?

Are you disappointed

because I didn't drown?

It's always my fault.

Well, it wasn't. it was Fancy's.

She didn't have to take him down

and get him embarrassed.

Now he won't come back

no matter how much you pay.

I don't want to stay because

I don't have anyone to play with!

Don't, Daddy! I want him back!

Don't! I want Jack back.

Please, Daddy. Please get me

Jack back. Please!

Please.

[]

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

They've come for the pajamas.

[BUZZING]

Just a minute!

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

No. No.

Please, Mr. Brown.

The kid needs a shrink.

Oh. I agree with you.

I take a little something

so I can sleep,

and tonight I took two.

Mr. More...

And he told me

that I either do what he wants

or I can look for another job.

Please, open this envelope.

Just look at it.

Mr. Morehouse, no.

Ah. please.

No. Mr. Morehouse.

Let me say something.

It doesn't matter the compensation.

The answer is no.

Can I say something to you?

I admire your moral fiber.

Ten thousand dollars! Oh...

[]

Ten thousand dollars?

For a week or the rest of my life?

He only has the kid for a week.

Ten thousand dollars?

Ten thousand? Whoo!

Jack, now we can buy the house!

Ten thousand dollars!

Come in. We'll discuss moral fiber.

Come in, Mr. Morehouse.

Jack, we're gonna buy a house!

Want to take a nap?

MOREHOUSE:
I'd love to.

JACK:

We were about to make love.

You can join in.

[MOREHOUSE LAUGHS]

[]

Jack!

Welcome home!

[HUMMING]

Ha! Mr. Brown, I'll make it pleasant.

I will scrub your back.

I will draw a bath for you.

Oh. Get it ready!

I'll see you in 10 years.

Ten years? Who needs it then?

[SHOUTING GIBBERISH]

Good morning, Barkley!

You're up early this morning.

Or didn't you go to bed last night?

I went to bed. Is this for Jack?

Yes, this is his breakfast.

Two, one, two, one...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Thank you.

Come in.

BARKLEY:

Here's your breakfast.

How are you this morning?

Fine, sir. Good. Wonderful.

Better than the dinner I gave you

on the floor the other night.

Oh, this is great.

Where would you like it?

Near the window?

Anybody seen

the little monster?

Do you want me to find him?

He's a pain in the derrire,

I can tell you that.

Yes, well, bye-bye.

Bye-bye, sir.

[SINGING]

Going to have my breakfast

[HUMMING]

[DISHES CLATTERING]

[ERIC GIGGLING]

JACK:

What the...?

That's it. I've had it!

I've had it with you!

Hey! Put me down!

This is it!

This is it!

No! No!

Put me down!

[FART SOUND]

Put me down.

What the hell is this? What is this?

Let me go!

Don't spank me, Jack.

Please don't!

Eeh.

No!

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

Why the hell did you pick me?

You made me laugh.

I wanted a friend

who made me laugh.

Of all the things in the store,

you wanted a friend?

If you want a friend,

you don't buy a friend.

You earn a friend.

You know, with love and trust.

You don't have fart pillow.

You don't throw firecrackers at them.

You don't have stuff

dumping on their head.

You don't throw their food

on the floor.

I've had enough of your routine.

You love a friend, you know?

You earn a friend.

[]

Come see my train.

Hey, didn't you listen to me?

You don't order your friends around.

If you have a friend,

you ask your friend.

Sorry. Would you like

to come see my train, friend?

No.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm gonna kill you.

I love you, Jack.

[TRAIN WHEELS CLACKING]

[TRAIN HORN BLOWING]

JACK:

We've got four more days.

What are we going to do?

Oh, I don't know. Play?

JACK:

Why don't we do

something interesting?

Watch this.

Hey, I know what. We'll start a

newspaper. You can be a reporter.

Boring.

Come on, man.

Listen, I'll be the editor

and you be the reporter.

I'll call you "Scoop."

Scoop?

Yeah, and you can take pictures.

You got a Kodak you haven't

taken out of the box.

No.

No? Heaven forbid you might learn

something useful.

Boring.

Boring?

All this is not boring?

All this garbage?

Look around, man! You kidding me?

I mean, all these people

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