The Trip to Italy Page #4

Pm 16.

Mum keeps treating me

like I'm a child.

I mean, I'm old enough

to join the army,

and according to her,

I'm not old enough

to just be at home by myself.

- Yeah, well, I think

they should raise the age level

for entry to the army, actually.

- All right, then.

So long, love. Bye-bye.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

Ciao, bellissima.

Ciao, bellissima.

Que belle ragazza.

Que belle ragazza.

Oh!

Ciao, bellissimo.

Que bella-

Yeah!

Rflqazza!

Think I better dance now

Que bella-

what a beautiful-

Ragazza.

Girl.

I think you got a wonderful tone

to your voice,

and I want you on my team.

Oh!

Okay' Okay'

Right.

Permission to come aboard?

Sorry. I don't need help.

No. I'm fine.

okay?

That's fine.

- All right.

Okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

Thank you.

If you just step-yeah?

Is this the, um...

Is it the actual boat?

'Cause I thought-

I was expecting

something a bit bigger.

- A little smaller

than I was expecting as well.

I'll be very honest with you.

Look at that!

WOW!

This is our boat, Patience.

Patience is a virtue.

That is beautiful.

Hi.

- Oh, hello.

Thank you.

Lovely boat,

lovely way to travel.

- Yeah, so the first stop

is San Fruttuoso,

where you'll have lunch.

"My soul is an enchanted boat,

"which, like a sleeping swan,

doth float upon the silver waves

of thy sweet singing. "

That's Shelley, read by Burton.

- Rob can't do poems

in his own voice

because he lacks conviction.

"My soul is an enchanted boat,

"which, like a sleeping swan,

"doth float

upon the silver waves of

thy sweet singing. "

Pnego.

Grazia mills.

Ooh.

- Ooh.

- Look at this.

- Lovely.

- "50,000 Leagues

Under the Sea. "

- It is a bit-

it's very Jules Verne,

this starter,

I have to say, yeah.

We're squids in.

- Squids in.

6 quid.

Ohh, I've got the squids.

Very nice, isn't she-Lucy?

' "Mm!

- Not the squid. Lucy.

- Mmm.

it's not very Italian, though,

is it, you know,

hanging out with

some British Sloane woman?

- If you look at

Shelley and Byron,

they were always

staying with English people,

all the expats.

That's how it was, you see?

You know,

when you're in L.A.,

I bet you are at Soho House

on a Saturday afternoon,

watching football on the TV

with Robbie Williams.

- No, I don't hang out

with Robbie Williams.

When I am in L.A.,

I do what Byron actually did

when he was traveling,

which is hang out

with local people.

Matt Stone, Trey Parker,

Matthew Perry, Owen Wilson.

You hang out with Owen Wilson

or you occasionally

work with Owen Wilson?

I know you've been

a miniature soldier with him,

but do you actually

hang out with him?

We run together on the beach.

- Is he aware

that you're running?

Is he running away from you?

I mean,

there's a distinction here.

I could say I've been running on

the beach with Robert De Niro,

when, in fact,

I'm furiously chasing after him,

and he's running for his life.

What are you doing there?

Just having a bit of wine.

You know, when in Rome.

- Wow.

When in Italy.

I'm your enabler.

Yeah.

I'd love to talk

to some of these locals.

Byron said,

"I love the language,

that bastard Latin,

"that melts like kisses

from a female mouth.

"It sounds

as if it should be writ on satin

with syllables that breathe

of the sweet south. "

Watch your heads.

- William,

the men are not happy.

Oh, "William," is it?

Not "captain" or "sir"?

Well, you can tell the men

that we will sail

around the Cape of Good Hope,

and we'll sail around the Horn.

You turned your back on me, man.

God damn your eyes!

God damn your eyes, man!

You turned your back on me!

He's doing Anthony Hopkins.

Don't worry-

It'll pass.

Well, you tell the men

that we will sail

around the Cape of Good Hope

and sail around the Horn.

Around the Horn, the quick way

round the Horn we shall go, sir!

- Around the Horn we shall go,

sir!

- Damn your eyes!

- Cover him-

Damn your eyes!

Damn you, Mad Max!

- You turned your back on me,

man!

Don't turn your back on me!

Round the Horn we're going!

The quicker way round the Horn

we shall go.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Ooh, careful.

Oh, yeah.

Not too rough for you?

No, no, it's fine.

You enjoying it?

Yeah, this is fantastic,

wonderful.

Steve's having a little sleep.

Had a drink, so, uh, at his age,

he needs a nap after lunch,

or he gets confused.

How old is he?

- He doesn't like me to say.

- Oh.

Doesn't like me to share that.

Does he drink a lot?

Well...

So this is the anchor.

- And then

if you want to stop somewhere,

you drop the sail;

is that right?

- Where are you from, then?

Wales, right?

- Wales, South Wales,

Port Talbot.

Oh, I love the accent.

- Do you?

- Yeah, it's beautiful.

- Seriously?

- Yeah, it's really lyrical.

To begin at the beginning.

Just got to

make your mouth very-

"To begin... "

- To begin.

- Yes, you have to-

to push your lips out.

"'To begin... "

To begin at the beginning.

To begin...

It's a lovely house.

I mean, it's better than

Byron's, isn't it?

You got a lovely balcony there.

Look out over the bay.

See if you can get my face

and it in so it's legible.

- Don't look ironic.

- I'm not.

- it's not

the most flattering angle,

but it's got

all the information, so...

- Did you like it?

Was it nice?

- It was-it was a bit busier

than I was expecting.

- Spoiled by tourism.

- Yeah.

- Yeah,

when Shelley lived there,

it would have been deserted.

Yeah?

- Do you want to go back

to San Fruttuoso?

- Yes.

- It was lovely there.

Come and have a drink!

' Okay!

Mm.

Yep.

I've still got it.

A bit shocked, aren't you?

- Not really.

I've always told you

that it was a possibility.

- You know, you're an acquired

taste, but, you know...

Something quite about melancholy

about this place, isn't there?

it's like getting stranded

on a desert island.

Yeah, only not as hot.

"Desert" doesn't mean hot.

"Desert" just means

there's no people there.

There still can be water.

It just means "deserted".

- Yes, I know that.

I know that.

Don't you think

everything's melancholic

once you get to a certain age?

I do.

Garrison Keillor said,

'When you're under 40,

"seeming unhappy

makes you look interesting,

"but once you're 40 and beyond,

"you got to do

everything you can to smile.

Otherwise, you just look like

a grumpy old man. "

Morrissey.

Byron was famously gloomy.

- What will

people remember of us

in 200 years' time?

U.

That's a big "if".

If we are.

Either of us are remembered.

I would say that it's-

it would probably be me.

- What would they-

what would they most remember?

What would be celebrated

about you, do you think?

Six BAFTAs.

You've got five BAFTAs.

- Yeah, but I'll probably

get a lifetime achievement.

- True. Yeah, you will.

- More if I survive.

- You could have it

posthumously.

I like to think

if you did win it posthumously,

I'd be the one to accept it

on your behalf.

Unless, of course, if I was

the architect of your death,

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