The Trip to Spain Page #3

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to let you know that

Matt has left the agency.

- Uh, what?

- Yeah, he's gone to a management company.

Look it all happened very quickly,

and Lindeman wanted to check

it out before it was announced.

It's gonna be in the trades today,

so I will be taking over

all of Matt's clients

who stay at the agency.

Okay?

And, Steve, I just, I want to let you know

how excited I am about working

with you and representing you.

- That's the seat.

Okay, you are in holiday?

- No, no, I'm a writer.

- Yeah, you're a writer?

- And I had a movie at the Oscars.

You know the Academy Awards?

Yeah, one of my movies was, uh...

- Okay.

- So that was muy bien.

- That's fine.

- And the winner is

Steve McQueen.

- Oh, my god, I won it.

I've won it!

- Sit down.

Sit down, Steve.

What, why?

I'm Steve Coogan.

- Steve McQueen.

- Oh, my god, Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

Hey, Greg, it's Steve.

- Hi, Steve, how are you?

- Good, good.

- Good, good, you're out in

New, you're still in New York,

I hear very good things about the series.

- No, I'm in Spain with Rob.

That's okay.

- Look, Greg, did you know that

Matt had left the US agency?

- Yes, yes, I did, um,

yes I did know that.

I was going to call you actually.

- Did you know about this before I did?

- No, no, not at all, no.

- Right, and do you know

that his assistant, Jonathan,

is taking over his client list?

- Yes, yeah, you see, Jonathan,

I think, is very good.

I think he's very bright, so, you know.

- Uh, what's happening

with Matt's other clients?

- Uh, well, I know that, uh,

Ricky's, Ricky's gone with him.

And, um, Will Ferrell.

- Did he ask Ricky to go with him?

- Yes, yeah, he did.

- He didn't ask me.

- Yeah, well, you see, I think, I think

you're seen more as a

writer, Steve, I mean,

so you wouldn't need a manager

as well as an agent, so...

- So which clients are staying

with the new assistant?

- Uh, Kevin Klein, I can't really

see him going anywhere else.

Um...

- Look, uh, Greg,

will you do me a favor please?

Can you find out why

the script for Missing

hasn't been green-lit yet?

- That hasn't happened?

I mean that absolutely,

I know, I know, well,

that should have happened.

I'll get onto that, I'll

get onto that straightaway.

But, yeah...

- Thank you.

- So you're out in Spain with Rob Brydon?

- Yes, I'm with Rob Brydon.

- That must be fun.

- Yes, it's a lot of fun,

thank you very much, goodbye.

- Okay, bye.

- Victor Arguinzoniz uses

a cooking method so basic

even cavemen would recognize it.

And yet has become a point of pilgrimage

for food nerds from around the world.

Perhaps you regard yourself as

something of a barbecue king.

Compared to Victor you are a lightweight.

Little better than the caveman,

who first cracked the flints

together to get a spark

because he found raw mammoth

a bit tough on the teeth.

So it's essentially a barbecue.

Oh.

- The fresh cheese.

- Thank you.

- And the gold butter.

- Ah.

- Thank you.

- They are homemade.

We have buffaloes in our farmhouse

and every clay to milk and

Victor makes the fresh cheese.

Enjoy.-

- Thank you, Ella.

- Thank you.

What she was saying was that

they have their own buffaloes.

- Wasn't she saying it in English?

My sunny side were just...

- Your hearing, I've noticed your hearing

is not what it was.

Do you mind me saying that?

- Listen, stop distracting you and me

from the fact that your

Spanish is appalling.

I think what you were

trying to do before is

- Sorry, mate, my...

Bloody, bloody batteries.

Wait, wait, I can't, um, it's

playing up, hang on, hang on.

Right, try it again.

Ah, sh*t.

Steve, wait, wait, I

can't hear a word, mate.

It's the batteries.

Steve, I can't hear anything, shh.

Steve, Steve, stop, wait, I've got a...

Very good.

- Okay, is that enough?

- Only you still can't do this

can you, no matter how hard you try,

you'll never be able to do

the small man in the box.

- Whereas I think your small

man in the box is brilliant,

it is also the apotheosis of your career.

- Mm, incredible, mm.

- Sum it up for me.

- The butter is

life-affirming butter.

- Life-affirming butter, L-A-B.

The buffalo?

- Wow.

- Wow.

- This one is the homemade chorizo.

We buy Iberian pork meat from Salamanca

and Victor makes the chorizo

like his grandmother.

- Wow.

- Is same chorizo, just cooked or cured.

- Cooked or cured, okay.

- And one corn croquette.

- I just got...

- You're welcome.

- When she said he makes

chorizo like his grandmother

is that what she looked like?

- No, Rob, he means the way his

grandmother used to make it.

- Fine, well, I think

she should be more clear.

- Hm.

- Because I'm picturing

a grizzled old woman

with the external appearance of chorizo.

- Well, you're the

only person who is, mate.

- Ah.

- Mm.

Fantastic.

- Mm.

- Mm.

- Wow.

- I know.

If his grandmother tasted

like this, I'd have a nibble.

Come, come, Mr. Coogan, come, come.

You're beginning to thaw,

sir, beginning to thaw.

- No, I will laugh at stuff if it's good.

- The shoulder.

- What have you clone to it?

- Just gettin' outta bed in the morning.

Just pulled it.

- You can't rush outta bed.

You've gotta, you know

what I've been told to do?

Stretch while lying down.

Gets your blood flowing.

- Before you rotate it?

- You look like a tentative Nazi.

- Oh, I sink vhat ve're doing, you know,

is so wrong on so many

levels, but I just can't stop.

- Why are your Nazis so camp?

Oh, I'm a Nazi, Oh.

- You tell me, Fuehrer.

- Heil Hitler.

Was he furious?

- Mm, he will be.

- Okay, we continue.

Green mussels.

With carrot juice.

- Carrot juice?

- Yes.

- Bueno.

- Oh, no, no, Steve.

- Oh.

- Look, look, look.

- Go on then.

- But what do we do?

We, we...

- You just take them.

- Uh-huh.

- Mm, wow.

- Well, here it is, Mr. Coogan,

we managed to get it out.

Um, I mean, the good news is, it's benign.

The bad news is, we

found seven more of them.

Some of them have gone

into the lymph nodes.

Are you gonna read that

book while we eat lunch,

or you just brought it as a sort of badge?

- No, I brought it, so, because I'm,

I'm emulating his journey.

- As I walked out one summer morning.

What would your version be?

As I drove out one summer

morning in my V8 Land Rover.

- Range Rover.

- Range Rover, sorry,

that's a terrible mistake.

- Yeah.

- How much have you read?

- Um, about a quarter,

but it's very good.

- For a thick book.

- Lord, no.

- One sauvignon blanc

- Ah, yes.

- To link with the grilled scallops.

The caviar is from Iran.

Enjoy.-

- It's stupendous, Iranian caviar.

- Please, go first.

- No, no, no,

no, please, you go first.

- Well, before I do, Scaramanga,

why don't I turn them that way?

In which case, should you have

interfered with my scallops...

- In my country it is always traditional

that the nearest scallop

is served to the guest.

- Where I come from it

is a custom to proffer

the larger scallop to the guest.

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