The Trip to Spain Page #5

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- Of course in the Triassic period

the world is one land

mass, just with the sea,

and that was it, one body of land.

And in the Jurassic period,

split into two big lumps of land.

And then finally the Cretaceous,

it broke off into the

continents that we know today.

- Oh, look there.

The actual footprints.

- They're big aren't they?

What size are your feet?

- Seven.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Go on, then, off you go.

- No, it's just that is quite feminine.

- They're too small.

- Quite feminine.

- They are feminine, I know.

- I'm not gonna be...

- Small feet.

Nice on a woman but weird on a bloke.

- Indeed.

If I could change one thing about me,

well, it wouldn't be the feet,

but I would get to the feet quite soon.

- It'd be feet, height,

and hair, wouldn't it?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah.

- Oh.

- Gracias.

- Muchas gracias.

- Muchas, muchas gracias.

- Well?

- No, thank you.

- What was he asking?

- Do you want some more wine.

Mm, mm.

- Terrible year in many ways.

If you think about the

number of people who've died.

I mean gifted people.

- Yeah.

David Bowie's death was like,

what did Tony Visconti say?

It was an artistic actor's death.

- What he did was remarkable.

- He just disappeared.

No funeral, he literally just went fshoo.

- Had a song called

Lazarus on his last record.

- Yeah, it was wonderful,

it was actually brilliant.

- Yeah, it was, it was admirable.

Told you about the time

he was on the radio,

and, uh, he wanted to mention me,

but couldn't remember my name.

- Really?

- Mm, he was being interviewed,

and, uh, the interviewer said,

what do you do when

you're on tour on the bus?

And he said he watched Cruise

of the Gods that we did.

And he said, you know, the one that,

it stars that guy.

And he said, who?

- Really?

- Yeah, he said, who?

And I was in the kitchen,

and I, oh, what, my god,

he's about to mention me, David Bowie.

- Sure he didn't mean me?

- No, no, no, no, because he said,

you know, the one from Marion and Geoff.

- Really?

- Yes.

- He said Marion and Geoff?

- Yes.

- Wow.

- And I was going it's me!

And the interviewer was going,

Oh, I don't know, I don't know.

So he never said my name.

But he was thinking of

my face at that moment.

And when he died, I looked

at has Twitter feed,

and do you know what, Steve?

He followed me on Twitter.

- Really?

- You don't know what to do

with that information, do you?

- Well, no disrespect to you,

but he's just ever so slightly,

I mean, microscopically

diminished in my mind.

- Just think, and I know

you won't like this,

there remained a time when he sat there

with his phone, and went,

Shall I follow him?

Shall I follow him

Shall I

I think I shall

He's funny

Shall I follow Rob Brydon

I think I shall

Shall I follow Rob Brydon

Or shall I follow Rob

Brydon in my later years

And that is when it was

In his later years

And he would've pressed on that button

and clicked and followed

me and seen every Tweet.

- And as you know

this was a Moorish castle,

and when it was conquered

by the Christians

it became the official residence

of the.

Please.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

And during the Civil War,

the town was bombarded

by the Condor Legion

and the castle was hit...

- At Castelo Guernica?

- Yeah, la Guernica, the

last resistance of the town

took place in the cathedral.

And it was bombarded

too, and they surrendered

because they didn't

have any more ammunition

- Yes, of course, wow.

- Or food to resist

the final attack.

Over there we have a

room that was a setting

for a Marlon Brando's

movie in the early '90s.

He played the role of Friar Torquemada,

who was the Grand Inquisitor here.

- Of course, the Spanish Inquisition.

- Yeah.

- Nobody expects that.

- Monty Python.

- I love them, too.

- Oh, do you?

- Yeah.

- Good.

- Please, after you.

- To the left.

- Yes, of course.

- This is Jonathan.

- Hey, Jonathan, Steve Coogan.

- Steve, hey, how are you, man?

- Good, how are you?

- Yeah, I'm great, so, listen,

I spoke to the studio.

- Mm-hmm.

- And they like the script.

They're totally on board for this film.

- Fantastic, great.

- Yeah?

- What's the catch?

- Yeah, uh, they

want to bring a new writer on.

- What?

- Well, it's for a polish,

it's just for a polish, it's...

- Hey, how are we doing?

- Hello, how are you?

- Yeah, really good.

Ah, oh, where'd you get that?

- I found out here.

- I thought you'd lost that,

I thought I'd hidden it.

Who?

- Ed Hirsch.

- I don't, who's he?

Never heard of him.

What's he clone?

- He's written a few

scripts that have really

just gotten a lot of heat.

- Look over here!

Charlie, I'm here, look!

A little fella that...

- Uh.

- There, hello.

- He's new, he's

hot, he's up and coming.

- I've got

two Oscar nominations.

I'm new, and I'm not up

and coming, I've arrived.

Oh.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Buenos tardes.

Isn't it a magnificent room?

- It's the Brando room.

I just watched a little

clip on YouTube of him.

You can't really work up

exactly where they are.

He's very overweight at that stage.

- Yeah, which is fine for Torquemada.

Gives him presence.

- I'm gonna be playing Torquemada

from the Spanish Inquisition.

- Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

- Nobody does.

- Amongst our weaponry

are such diverse elements

as fear, surprise,

a ruthless efficiency,

and an almost fanatical

devotion to the pope.

And nice red uniforms.

- Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Amongst our weaponry is fear, surprise,

a ruthless efficiency,

and an almost fanatical

devotion to the pope.

- You're doing him in The Godfather.

- Huh.

- You're just doing Marlon

Brando in The Godfather.

- Just doing '70's Brando.

And it was more like this,

and, like, kinda nasally.

- You know what, his

voice was a little higher,

the way he spoke.

It was, you know, it

was like that, you know?

- You've got a De Niro thing.

- When he spoke to people.

- Why are you doing your De Niro.

- If I was going De Niro, I'd

do it like that, you know?

That's the way,

that's the way De Niro spoke, you know?

- That's good.

- Let's do something

about that, you know?

That's right, you know what I'm' gonna do?

I'm gonna rip your head off,

sh*t down your goddam f***in' neck,

you two-bit, dick-suckin',

motherfuckin' a**hole.

- That's terrific, that's terrific.

- Yeah, well, the reason

you think I'm doing De Niro

when I'm doing Brando, is

because De Niro himself

was influenced by Brando.

So when De Niro acts,

you see residual elements of Brando

in what he does, so you've

got it the wrong way around.

- So in attempting to criticize you,

I've inadvertently complimented you.

- You've shown up some of the detail...

- You shall only come out on

top in this exchange, then.

- I'm only telling you the truth.

- Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

And nobody expects a comfy chair.

- No, he's gotta do the, get

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