The Trouble with Girls Page #4

daily perpetrate on the working class.

Well, she's joined the union.

And the standard-form Equity

minimum contract, as agreed upon...

...by the Managers' Protective Association

and the Actors' Equity Association...

...affiliated with the

American Federation of Labor is in...

Is in effect.

She's no fake.

Her scaled salary began this afternoon...

...when she was hired,

according to paragraph two...

...of rules governing minimum standard

contract, entitled "Rehearsals begin"...

Would you mind shutting up a minute?

- I'll remember these intimidations.

- I swear to you, I didn't hire her.

Maybe Johnny did, but I didn't.

I wouldn't hire somebody

and not pay them.

Is that what you want

to talk to me about?

If you're finished,

there's something I wanna say.

- Oh, now, Walt, I'm sorry. I thought...

- Oh, that's all right. Just forget it.

Now, I'd like to start negotiating

with you on another matter.

Be seated.

- Why?

- Y is a crooked letter.

Now, be serious.

Why do I have to sit down?

You don't have to sit down.

Do you have to smoke that cigar?

It makes you look like

a caricature of a capitalist.

- No, I don't have to.

- Thank you.

My pleasure.

Now, let's get this business meeting

started, kid. Have a seat.

All right, as long

as we're going to negotiate.

Oh, we're going to negotiate.

- Well, what's the first order of business?

- Well, I have a few opening remarks.

- Proceed.

- The most important part...

...of labor and management relations

is the spirit of cooperation...

...between negotiating parties. Agreed?

- Agreed.

If negotiations are to be meaningful...

...then relations between negotiating

parties must be honest and intimate.

I've always liked you, Charlie.

You're bright, you're not a phony.

You always say what you mean, you're

great-looking and you're fun to be with.

Thank you.

Now, what's on our agenda?

Well, there's no reason why,

with our solid base...

...that we can't start to negotiate

any number of things...

...that could be more meaningful...

...in all kinds of areas.

Meaning what?

Meaning that the relations between

negotiating parties can be better served...

...by what is sometimes called

"getting into bed with each other."

What is your proposi...?

I mean, what do you propose?

- Use the mayor's daughter.

- What did you say?

- I said, use the mayor's daughter.

- That's what I thought you said.

- You no-good bastard!

- Hold it!

What's he doing to her?

Look at that!

- I think I'd better...

- Shut up and deal.

- Damn it...

- You're talking to a lady, buster!

Now, get me out of here!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Sorry. There's somebody in here.

That sure is a lot of fireworks

for a dollar.

Yeah.

- Don't.

- Just for a little while.

- No.

- Come on, let me...

Don't.

Stop it!

I swear to you, you brush me like this

and I'll tell your kid about us.

- Now, how would you like that?

- I'd kill you if you did.

- You're kidding.

- I'm not.

I tell you what. I'll pay you.

What?

That's right.

I'll start paying you.

Pay me?

Hello?

Anybody here?

Be right with you.

- Well, well, well.

- Good morning.

I was just on my way out to the grounds. I

thought I'd come in for a little something.

I get a little tired making my breakfast

on a hot plate in that room.

I'll bet you do.

Well, name your poison.

What would you like?

Toast and coffee

and a couple of eggs up and easy.

- Up and easy?

- Yeah.

Okay.

You know, I don't usually work

behind this counter.

You're the story lady, aren't you?

Do you happen to know

any good traveling-salesman stories?

My stories are for children.

Kids have to learn sometime,

you know what I mean?

I think so.

You know, I've found that...

...you never know where

you're gonna learn something.

You'd be surprised at,

even in a small town like this...

...what you can learn.

May I have some cream

for my coffee, please?

Yeah.

- How are things, Mr. Wilby?

- Things are empty.

Everybody's out

at your damn Chautauqua.

Mice?

- Hello, Mrs. Bix.

- Oh, hi there. It's nice to see you.

- Thank you. How are you?

- Oh, good. How's Carol doing?

Oh, fine. She says she'll be

very good in the part.

- No, I mean, is she being a good girl?

- Oh, of course.

Carol's just like her mother. She's...

She's always a good girl.

If you don't get Miss Samuel Gompers

here to let the mayor's daughter...

...play the part of Alice, I'm telling you,

we are going to be in terrible trouble.

Did you get that straight

from your shoulder too?

Just tell her.

Don't take any more of her appus-crappus.

Just tell her that other kid is out and

the mayor's daughter gets to play Alice.

How are you, tall, dark and loathsome?

Looking for another negotiating session?

- Well, as a matter of fact, I was...

- Forget it.

- Now, look, Charlie...

- We've got a problemo.

But the boss will tell you all about it.

Oh, it's serious, but there's a simple way

you can work it all out. Tell her.

Hey, why didn't you tell me

she was that good?

- It's a question of principle.

- Look, principle has nothing to do with it.

It's talent that talks. The kid's really great.

No matter what anybody says

or what happens, she stays in the show.

Hit me.

Come on, hit me.

I'll play these.

- That's 20.

- Maybe.

Twenty-one!

How about that?

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.

- That's it.

- Thank you very much.

Now, where do you think

that ace came from?

I am a lucky child.

Looked like a fast deal to me, Chowder,

what do you think?

Now, wait a minute.

Game's not over yet, buddy.

Let go of my arm.

It's the one I deal with.

- Oh, is it really?

- Yeah.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait.

We'll talk to him later.

You scare the pants off me.

My key, if you please.

I told you this last winter...

Oh, Mr. Drewcolt.

I can't wait to see you do some scenes

from Romeo and Juliet.

I just love Romeo and Juliet.

There is something

I've always wanted to know about them.

What is that, my dear?

Do you think Romeo and Juliet

had premarital relations?

Only in the Des Moines company.

Sorry, Smith.

That's the way it'll have to be.

Stubborn as mules.

What do you got there?

A bunch of laundry

for the lady channel-swimmer.

What's the matter?

No Chautauqua next year.

- How come?

- The three grumpy bears...

...won't put up the guarantee.

No guarantee, no Chautauqua.

This town really stinks, doesn't it?

Mr. Hale?

You've just gotta help me get out of town!

- Mr. Hale?

- Yeah, I'll think about it.

You mean it? I could kiss you!

- Don't answer it.

- I have to.

- Why?

- It just might be for me.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Have you two met?

This is Maude, our channel-swimmer.

- She checked me in.

- I gotta run Maude down to the lake.

I warm up a lot.

- They offered me a tank for the winter.

- Oh, really?

- In vaudeville. But I'm not gonna do it.

- Why not?

Six shows a day, swimming

back and forth, back and forth...

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