The Trouble with Girls Page #6

Carol's got a lot of talent, Miss Bix.

She's got a big chance.

She's kidding herself.

Everybody kids theirself.

About what?

Oh, I listened to that speaker talking

about how everybody can start afresh.

I've got to believe that you can't.

Oh, no, you can't.

Not unless you just wanna kid yourself.

I mean, what chance do I have?

I'm here in Radford Center. Period.

And all you can do is sit.

Maybe it would be different

if it were Davenport...

...or Jasper or Keokuk

or even, say, Decatur.

You're there, you know. Period.

I mean, who's got a chance?

You go to work...

...and your hands get red

and your legs get tired.

Mister, you tell me,

where you gonna wash up and go to?

Kidding theirself.

Everybody just kids theirself.

You could get out of town, you know.

Boy, that's a laugh. On what?

You should get...

You should get Carol to a place

where she can have a really great teacher.

See, you've got a good chance, Miss Bix.

Clarence doesn't have one at all.

Why doesn't he?

- The town has already made up its mind.

- I don't want to know!

I mean, that's tough, mister,

but nobody's got a chance...

...because that's love!

What are you talking to me

about him for?

I'm glad they got him.

That's all I care about, him.

Could I ask you a question, Miss Bix?

It's a free country.

Do you really think Clarence killed him?

I mean, just between us.

Who do you think did?

I don't know, Miss Bix.

But if somebody did it in self-defense...

...I know a way to get them off

just like that.

And in addition to getting them off...

...I know a way they can make

a big bundle of money.

A big bundle.

Examine the funnies, you'll see they say

more than anyone thinks they're saying.

They're saying something that's today.

The only reason I read the funnies...

Maggie and Jiggs are a typical American

husband and wife.

She rules the roost with a rolling pin

and he hates to come home.

And Happy Hooligan's

a typical American underdog.

- It's a social protest.

- Listen to me...

I see that, but...

The only reason...

Moon Mullins is everybody's dream

of getting by, doing nothing.

Lord Plushbottom is an indictment

of the ruling class.

The only reason that I read the funnies

at all is because they're funny.

What can you expect

from a Princeton man?

Do I know the killer?

I think so.

Give me a hint. Is it one of us?

Well, I can't tell you anything right now.

Come on.

- Who is it?

- It's me. Open up.

Just a minute.

He's not here.

I heard two voices.

Well, actually,

I was just talking to myself.

Let me tell you something.

I don't know what you know about law,

but I majored in economics and...

- Cup of coffee?

- No, thank you.

I went to law school for six months.

Let me tell you, smiley...

...there's a big crowd of people out there

buying tickets to hear a murderer confess.

I know. There will be 2000 people.

If it is true and you do have

the murderer...

...and Hale is exploiting the poor,

sick, unfortunate creature...

Whoever he is, for personal gain,

and you haven't gone to the police...

...you can be locked up for harboring,

aiding and concealing.

You will be accessories before the fact.

That's not nice.

You can go to jail for five years

and be fined $5000 in the bargain.

But if it's not true...

...and Hale is the lying, conniving

charlatan I think he is...

...then every nickel you've collected

will be impounded...

...and so will all the equipment...

...and you're all in the pokey for fraud.

Now, how does that sound?

You think about it...

...smiley.

You too, Rasputin.

You don't mind if we take the killer into

custody right after confession, do you?

Or are you planning to have

the trial here tonight too?

Good evening. Good evening.

It's a nice night, isn't it?

For what?

Excuse me.

Where's the killer, boss?

I'd really like to meet him.

You know, I'd...

I've met a lot of rotten people

in my life.

This may sound silly, but I've never met

a real killer face to face...

...that I know of.

There was that Miss Boyle,

my fourth grade teacher.

She was mean, ugly.

She was a real killer.

Hard marker too.

- The killer hasn't shown up yet.

- The killer's on the loose?

That's just keen.

All we need is another killing.

It's not that kind of killer.

Once they get the taste of blood, I... You...

"Kind of killer"?

You mean there are kinds?

There are good killers and bad killers?

The ones you love and the ones you hate?

A killer you kind of like a lot, but you

wouldn't want your sister to marry?

Can I give the marching band parade rest?

- They played extra.

- When do you expect the killer to arrive?

Or should the band march everybody

in there out to watch your hanging?

- Thank God.

- It's a...

...peach of a night.

- The killer has struck again!

- She's the killer.

Try to sober her up.

I'll stall giving the money back.

Why...

Okay. Let's start to...

Sober...

Okay, smarty-pants.

You're the college kid.

What do you do when a girl

you're out with gets this drunk?

I've never been that lucky.

Wait a minute. Wait. Don't...

Don't leave me alone with her.

She might...

...turn on me.

We at Chautauqua are very proud

of everyone who's a part of Chautauqua.

Not just the lecturers and the performers

you've seen on our stage...

...but people like our...

Our young college men here.

And your own Betty Smith at the piano.

All right, now. That's the...

That's...

That's it.

Come on, now.

Here we...

...go.

Here we go.

Oh, boy. I love that song.

Pick you up!

Listen. Hear that?

How about something

with 15-part harmony?

Fifteen? There's only four of us.

Everybody.

Everything is going

around the mulberry bush...

Oh, good heavens.

Here we go,

around the mulberry bush...

Oh, wait. We're just gonna

sit you right down there.

Mulberry bush.

Nice killer.

Who are you?

I'm one of the good guys.

You guys get back there

and help Johnny.

When we first came to Radford Center,

I ran into three kids...

Or rather, they ran into me.

Come on up, kids.

Yeah, you. Come on up.

Get over to the junior tent, tell Charlene

to bring Carol and Willy here.

What's the matter, boss?

If you got nothing to do but listen,

I can explain it.

Is that a proposition?

Here they are:
Cathy, Leonard and Bill.

I don't like to eat when I'm sleepy.

Here.

Do you know...

...that when you drink water,

when you...

My father used to get a glass

of hot gin...

...dissolve a candy bar in it,

put a hair on top.

- I'd rather be drunk.

- I just bet it's no fun to be fat.

Poor fat people.

Poor, poor, poor!

Father...

I think I'm going to pass out.

Miss Bix. Miss Bix,

you've got to sober up.

I can't hear you when I'm passing out.

It's your only chance. I'm telling you.

Get a bucket of water.

We've got the whole town out there,

Miss Bix.

Where are you going?

To vamp until you get her ready to speak.

- Let her have it, kid. Go ahead.

- Thank you.

Well, I just don't think he liked my singing,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes