The Ups and Downs of a Handyman Page #6

husbands were up to?

- Oh, uh, I don't know.

- Take that old man Wayne for instance.

(oohs and ahhs)

(giggling)

And then, there's that copper.

(laughing and whooing)

And as to the squire, hoo.

(maniacal laughter)

And then there's the butcher.

Oh, you wouldn't believe what

they get up to.

(yelps and laughter)

- What a town.

It's unbelievable.

Oh, but how's this gonna help me?

- Don't worry,

I'll think of something.

- You didn't realize the

squire was the local magistrate.

I'll get promoted for this.

Ah, ah.

Now you, stand there

and don't you move.

I've got you now, you know.

(laughing maniacally)

- Squire, listen, I'm not

gonna be able to go on

keeping you happy like this if

I run the local pub as well.

Why don't they give the job

to that nice young couple

that's just moved here?

He's already doing odd jobs

about the place, you know?

- The handyman, yes, that'll

keep him occupied (laughs).

- We don't make many mistakes.

(knocks on door)

- Who's that?

- Don't worry, my dear,

it's only Knowles (laughs).

- This is it.

(knocks on door)

- Oh, I suppose I'd, I'd

better deal with it, dear.

- Right.

- [Squire] Excuse me.

- Thank you, Squire.

- Yeah.

(giggling)

Thank you my dear.

Knowles.

- The squire would

like to see you, sir.

This way.

(bells chiming)

- So, asleep are ya?

What a pity, have to keep

the news til tomorrow.

Still, perhaps it's just as well.

Don't want to excite you too much.

- What news?

- What, love?

- I said, what news.

- Oh, never mind, love,

you go to sleep.

It'll keep til morning.

- What news?

- Careful, careful.

Can't have the new landlord

of the local

with scratches all over his face,

can we?

- What did you say?

- They offered me the job,

down at the boozer.

I accepted.

- Darling!

(folksy music)

(rooster crowing)

- Well, I can't understand it,

one minute they're all against him,

and the next minute, they make

him manager of the local.

- At least there's no unpleasantness.

- Let's stop bitching, let's organize

ourselves from now on.

- Yes, well that means we're

back to where we started.

- I think I know what we can do.

If I were to order some drinks.

- What's she going to do?

- Hey, darling, things

are really looking up,

here's our first order.

- Oh, great, who's it for?

- The squire.

- The squire?

- Mmm, he's a jolly good customer.

- OK, still, I hope he

won't wanna spank me.

- You what?

- Oh, nothing, nothing.

- Oh, anyway, she wants it out

first thing this afternoon.

- She?

- Mmm, the squire's wife,

I think it's a surprise.

- Yeah, well, I hope you're right.

Well, I'll go and fix it up, eh?

(folksy music)

Who do you think is coming round

And taking me down to the fair

Margaretta now she's better

Come on round let down your hair

Come today and not tomorrow

Come tomorrow I'll be gone

But you know just how you look

You're looking good

There's nothing wrong

Well there's magic in the air

Let's go to the fair

There's magic in the air, oh yeah

And all our friends are there

Quickly now we've got to go

To see a show I'll show you where

Take my hand and watch your step

There's muddy water over there

We'll be there in just awhile

So come on now, let's have some fun

- Ah, the drinks.

We're in the garden

by the swimming pool.

- Right, I'll bring it over.

There's magic in the air

- Come this way, follow me please.

There's magic in the air, oh yeah

And all our love we'll share

Magic in the air

Magic in the air

Magic in the air

Magic in the air

- You didn't think you

could lose us that easily.

We didn't want you to lose your liscense.

- Run girls, get him!

(shouting)

(manic music)

(shouting and laughing)

- Love-40

- You must be joking.

(din of pub patrons)

- Here we are sir, that's 12 p.

- [Voiceover] Thank you, my dear.

- Do you want another drink, Mummy?

- I never thought to see a daughter of mine

end up as a bar maid.

And fancy being left that lovely cottage

and expecting me to give it all up.

Where is Bob?

It's not fair leaving you to

do everything for yourself.

I suppose he's running around somewhere.

- At this very minute he's up delivering

at the squire's house.

- Well, he might have waited

to see me before he went off.

- Oh Mom, he's had such a

lot on his hands, lately.

He'll probably come rushing

in here at any moment.

- Well, I want to go, I don't

feel happy in this place.

I hope Bob remembers that

it's me and Aunt Emily

he has to thank for his situation,

it'd be nice to hear him say so.

(glass shatters)

(gasps of shock)

I don't believe.

- What the hell have you been up to?

- You know when I went up to

deliver the booze to Squire, I

went round the swimming pool,

and what's she doing here?

- For God's sake, cover yourself.

(phone ringing)

- Well, I suppose I'd better answer it.

Nobody else around here seems to bother.

Hello?

It's the news agent's daughter.

She wants to know if you want to put it in

for another week.

- No, and you can tell her

I'm never gonna put it

in ever again either.

Take me on for awhile

I'll soon be making you smile

What's with all of you people

Why don't you give it a try

I'm sayin' that I've been around

People keep puttin' me down

But I've got nothin' to lose now

I'm still working the town

The ups and downs of a handyman

Livin' my life the best I can

Up and down all over town

I can make you smile I can make you frown

The ups and downs of a handyman

Livin' my life the best I can

Up and down all over town

I can make you smile

I can make you frown

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