The Videoblogs Page #3

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feel when I'm here.

Just...

I feel hopeless, I

feel like none of this

even matters, it's

never gonna matter

as long as I'm

still here with her,

and I have to be with

her, at least until

I'm finished with school.

You know, f*** her

though, because I'm not

going to give up, I'm just...

If I'm going to give up my

dreams and my writing just to

get a job and drop out

of school and move out

before it's time for me to.

What, just 'cause

she wants me to?

I know how that'll

wind up for me.

I get swallowed up,

I get swallowed up

and I wouldn't make it.

Not on my terms.

I'm not stupid, I'm very smart.

I'm smarter than

her, or at least

I'm more honest than she is.

I have that.

I have that in me.

(whooshing)

Another?

Yes please.

(dings)

How's your girlfriend, Ian?

She's okay.

Run out of time for work,

haven't really seen her lately.

(whooshing)

(whooshing)

(whooshing)

(laughs)

I hope I'm not

weirding her out.

She didn't seem to mind

or anything, just...

It's nice to know that

she's out there, you know?

Somebody like her

that doesn't judge me

when I'm being me.

Kind of would like to

hang out some more.

Can I just ask her that?

(sighs)

Who am I even

talking to right now?

It's me, yeah it's me, but

I'm not really there,

you're not real,

you're not the ghost of me.

You're not there, you just...

On second thought, maybe

that is the definition of me.

She's there but she's not.

Margaret!

I'm recording this

video for you since

that is what the cool

kids are doing these days.

But for real, this is

an important message

I have a mission for you.

Zing pow!

This bottle of wine is full

and look, there's more!

Mags and Cass forever.

Yes.

I spent an impractical

amount of time on this,

but I think that

illustrates my commitment.

How is that for visual aid, huh?

A visual aid you can drink.

Once you let me into

your apartment, tonight.

I don't expect

anything from you.

We both know that our love

runs deeper than that.

That it's pure.

Pure even than the

age-old tradition

of imbibing on the

grape in times of

great personal upheaval.

Are you still upheaved, my love?

This is the question

I must have answered

if I am to sleep on this night.

This is my quest on

this noble Saturday.

Don't deny me my quest

I'll die of broken heart.

(whines)

Well maybe not, but I

still wanna come over.

It's a need I can't explain

Text me, woman.

(raspberries)

There's a voice in your head.

You've been hearing a

new voice in your head,

but you want it though.

I told you, it's not...

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was joking.

I just don't think that it's...

Oh, I was totally joking.

I just don't think

that it's funny.

You told me that I can

open up to you and then...

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You're right.

I'm actually a

little bit jealous.

I know it's been

hard, but it's like,

I've been witnessing

you change your life.

I thought you were

awesome before, but now...

Don't try to flatter

me just to make up

for hurting me.

What?

What?

Nothing.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to...

Look, I told you

you don't have to

do all of this, I

know that I'm hard...

No, stop.

You're fine.

I just have to get

used to it, you know?

It's new.

It's not something that

you have to get used to,

it's me.

Okay.

Fine.

But you are saying

a lot of things

you never said before and being

a little more honest lately,

which is fine with me.

It's even refreshing.

I wanna do it too.

What?

I don't know if it's because

we're a little bit older,

and maybe we're not

spending enough time

with each other, or...

(knocking)

Hi.

Sorry.

You can come in.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Cass.

I'm sorry.

What for?

It's fine.

I should have texted

you first or something.

Do you want some wine?

I don't wanna

interrupt your night.

Oh, you're totally fine.

Tell her.

Of course, but do you drink?

A little.

I'm sorry, but I'm just

trying to be responsible here,

but are you old enough to drink?

She's old enough.

To answer for

herself, you mean.

(imitates cat snarling)

Whatever you're

comfortable with.

I got in a fight with my mom.

I'm sorry to hear that.

She's just so f***in' batshit.

Word, I hear that.

Oh.

I just did that.

Sorry.

It's okay, I'm used to it.

[Cass] What I

meant to say is...

I just really don't wanna

talk about it right now.

If you don't mind.

I'm sorry I

interrupted your night.

It's totally okay.

Let's talk about something else.

How do you like the wine?

It's really good, actually.

Right?

Marge says it's too tannic.

(laughs)

I don't know what that means.

Nah, that's okay.

Neither does she.

(laughs)

Zelda's your dog, right?

Oh, that's right you met her.

You watched her crap.

(laughs)

She's sweet, right?

Yeah, yeah, she's sweet.

I will definitely text

you first next time.

Sounds good.

I would have told you

to come over anyway.

I know.

Are you

going to be walking

into anything?

Usually.

I like her a lot.

Yeah.

She's tough.

Like us.

As much as,

as far as I've come

since I first started

coming here, it's always

just been me, you know?

Out there, in the

world, not in here.

And it's weird because I

know that she came to me

because she feels safe, and that

that feels nice.

Feels good.

We seem to share

a common trauma.

But still there's this voice,

that old voice in my head

telling me, protect yourself.

Don't give too much of yourself.

Don't take responsibility

for others.

But at the same time I don't

feel like I should listen

to that voice anymore.

Why, why is that?

[Margaret] Because it's wrong.

Do you feel it's wrong.

I just said that.

Well yes, but,

to me it appears you're

unsure.

I'm not unsure.

I'm just waiting

for confirmation.

Which you're not

going to give me.

Well, even if I felt it

was the right thing to do,

I'm still, I'm still

not completely clear

on what it is you've decided.

Because I'm meandering?

Are you surprised?

I don't feel like I should

listen to that voice this time

because,

it's different.

She's not asking anything of me,

and I'm not offering

anything that I can't give.

And I like her.

Well from what you've told me,

seems as if there's

plenty to like so far.

Cass says she's tough like us,

and I like the idea, you

know, of women helping women.

Plus everybody

needs a place to go.

How about you?

You have a place to go?

I just said it, here.

I mean, in your

day-to-day life.

Is there, is there

somewhere or someone

you can go to when

you need help?

I have Cass, I guess.

Okay.

What?

Well I'm just

wondering if you think

maybe this new friendship

might have something

to offer you, as well.

[Margaret] I would think so.

Can you identify how?

Or what it is that

you might get?

What I could get

out of friendship?

Hi Cass.

You're super-bored.

And a little bit

lonely, so here you are

copying your

friend's weird idea.

I don't really get it.

I guess we're supposed to

talk about our feelings.

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