The Waterboy Page #3

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[ Man ] Hey, Casey, | l think he wanna make out with you.

- [ Whistle Blowing ] | - Okay, that's enough. Thank you.

ls there any sport that you | do watch ? You know, a physical sport ?

- Boxing ? Hockey ? | - Wrestling.

Wrestling ! Wrestling is good.

Who's your favourite wrestler ?

Well, even though he was slightly | discourteous to me recently,

l'm gonna have to say | Captain lnsano.

Okay, okay, | l want you to do to Casey...

what Captain lnsano does | to the bad guy.

Go.

- Ow ! Ow ! | - [ players Gasping ]

- He poked me in the eye. | - Captain lnsano shows no mercy.

Bobby, where was the intensity | that l saw yesterday ?

That was no intensity. You said it | was all right to fight back,

and l-l just started thinkin' | about all the people who-who'd | been mean to me over the years.

That's it. | That's it.

l want you to think about | all those mean people.

- They're gonna be your tackling fuel. | - Tacklin' fuel.

- We're gonna use them to play football. | - Tacklin' fuel.

l want you to pretend | that Casey...

- is insulting you. | - pretend ?

l want you to visualize all those | people that have been mean to you.

and then l want you to attack. l want | you to visualize and then attack.

- Can you handle that ? | - l'll try.

He's gonna try.

What's the matter with you, boy ? | You too s-s-stupid...

to do what your coach | tells ya ?

- [ Coach Laughing ] | - No !

- No what ? | - [ Yelling ]

[ players Murmuring ]

l didn't mean to hurt you. | Coach told me to pretend.

Bobby. Bobby ! Can you do this for | me every single game ? Can you do this ?

Coach, not only | will l do it for you.

l-l-l-- | Yes, yes, l'll do it for ya.

[ Chattering ]

So, uh, why you pick this class anyway ? | lt's pretty hard.

Oh, beautiful view.

Correct.

all right, all right !

Y'all shut up now !

Now, last week, | we talked about...

the physiology | of the animal brain...

as it pertains | to aggression.

Now, is there anyone here | that can tell me why...

most alligators | are abnormally aggressive ?

- l know the answer to this question. | - Raise your hand.

anybody ? anyone ? | Yes, sir. You, sir.

Mama says that alligators | are ornery...

'cause they got all them teeth | but no toothbrush.

[ Chuckling ] | Yo mama said,

alligators are ornery | 'cause they got all them teeth...

and no toothbrush.

Wow !

anybody else ? | Yes, sir. You, sir.

alligators are aggressive because | of an enlarged medulla oblongata.

lt's the sector of the brain | which controls aggressive behaviour.

- That is correct ! | The medulla oblongata. | - But Mama said--

The medulla oblongata...

is where anger, jealousy | and aggression come from.

Now, is there anybody here can tell | me where happiness comes from ?

- No, man. | - anyone ?

all right, let's hear what | Mama has to say on the subject.

Mama say that happiness is | from magic rays of sunshine that | come down when you feelin' blue.

Well, folks, | Mama's wrong again.

No, Colonel Sanders, | you're wrong.

- [ Students ] Ooh ! | - Mama's right.

You're all wrong. | Mama's right. Mama's right !

Somethin' wrong | with his medulla oblongata.

- [ Class Laughing ] | - [ Yelling ]

lt's okay to fight back. | Coach Klein said l could.

Mr Coach Klein said l could. | lt's fine, fellas.

[ announcer ] Well, Mud Dog | fans, it's time to kick off...

another year | of Mud Dog football.

With the weight of a 40-game | losing streak on their back,

everyone seems to be diggin' in | for the long haul.

There's blood in the streets | lt's up to my ankles

There's blood in the streets | lt's up to my knee

Blood on the streets | in the town of Chicago

Blood on the rise | lt's following me

What you doin', Bobby ?

Oh, Lord, that-that-that's some | heavy-duty armpit saturation.

That's an early warning sign of | the dehydration. You gots to have H2O.

- please, for me. | - Look, you need to stop | worryin' about water, baby,

and start worryin' | about the game today, okay ?

Here. Now, just do whatever you did | to Colonel Sanders,

and you'll be fine.

l-l will, thank you. l-l-l just-- | l feel bad about lyin' to my mama.

l wonder what | she's doin' right now.

[ Country ]

[ Braying ]

- [ Grunting ] | - [ announcer ] and he's down | with a three-yard kickoff return.

- The Mud Dogs offence takes the field. | - Okay, come on, here we go.

Come on, everybody. | You can do it. Gain some yards. | put some points on the board.

Hey, Walter, | l'll bet you 50 bucks...

Gee Grenouille throws a touchdown pass | on the first play.

Check it out.

Set, fool, 22, hut !

[ Shouting ]

[ Man Laughing ]

You owe me 50 bucks.

- You said it was gonna be | a touchdown pass, you crazy a**hole. | - Go, go, go, go !

Hold 'em, hold 'em, hold 'em. | Okay, you can do it. Come on.

Bobby, Bobby, this is | just like we practised, okay ?

Okay, go, go, go. | Come on.

Watch where you're going, needle dick. | [ lmitating Bobby Grunting ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Shouting ]

Set ! 390 !

- Time for retard to find out what | college football's all about. | - [ Laughing ]

390 ! Check, check.

Red, 18 ! Red, 18 !

Needle dick ! Needle dick ! | Needle dick !

[ Bobby Grunting ]

Yeah !

Your name is needle dick.

- [ Grunting ] | - l knew that this was a good idea.

[ Bobby Grunting ]

Yes !

- Time-out from the game. | - What's he calling time-out for ?

- Man, what are you doin' ? | - Here, this is for you.

Enjoy.

- [ Coach Beaulieu ] | Hey, Waterboy, you're fired ! | - Stop it !

Yes ! Bobby !

[ Cheering ]

- Ooh-la-la. Yeah, man ! Yeah ! | - Yeah, yeah !

- Slap hands ! | - Whatever.

Waterboy's killin' 'em.

He's the best tackler | l've seen since Joe Montana.

Joe Montana was a quarterback, | you idiot.

l said, ''Joe Mantegna.''

[ announcer ] | We're tied at seven with | 30 seconds to go in the fourth quarter.

Eagle cover two. | Eagle cover two. Ready ?

Best of luck to you | on-on-on the upcoming play.

-l'll be playin' with your mama tonight. | -Sixty-two.

- Move, 22, hut ! | - [ announcer ] Bernard drops back.

- Looks like a screen pass. | - [ Cheering ]

Sixty-two ! Sixty-two ! | There you are !

- [ Groaning ] | - Thank you.

[ announcer ] | Number 62 is headed for the end zone.

He's at the 40, the 30. | He's almost--

Man ! Touchdown ! | Reds lead.

[ Bobby Grunting ]

Dropkick. Looks like Boucher | knocked him out cold.

l love my mama very much. | Now you know that.

- [ Crying ] | - [ Crowd Moaning ]

The waterboy handed them the game. | What an idiot.

Waterboy, you stink !

Nice job, shithead. | You just lost us the game.

l'm sorry. Would you please | still be my friend ?

No ! Get away from me.

Okay.

Excuse me ? | May l help you ?

Hey, stud.

Vicki Vallencourt, this is-- | this is quite a pleasant surprise.

Yeah, well, l just got out of jail, | and l heard you were playin' football.

Yes, well, l-l-l've--

[ Mumbling, lndistinct ]

[ Bobby ] | Yes.

[ Mumbling, lndistinct ]

So, let's say we go and get | somethin' to eat, catch up on things.

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