The Waterboy Page #5

---

Oh, thank you, but, see, there's | this girl, Vicki Vallencourt.

She may be the devil. | Mama said that.

Consequently, l am prohibited | from contact with her.

But l hope to get past that | one day 'cause she's nice to talk to.

[ Mumbling, lndistinct ]

Oh, oh.

[ Rap ]

Take me and break me off | Baby, let me play the clothes | and l'll take me off

'Cause l've been checkin' out | your style from across the stand

and l'm much more than your waterboy | and average fan

You ask me why | perfect practise makes perfect game

[ Rap Continues ]

Sit-ups and pull-ups | 92 octane, premium, fill up

l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing

l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing

l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing

l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing

l'm doin' my thing for | much more than the thing

Yo, we have a very special | guest here today.

Let's have a warm L.T. welcome | for Bobby Boucher. Come on, Bobby.

- [ Cheering ] | - Thank you, Mr Lawrence Taylor.

Tell me, what is your secret ? | How do you find yourself | in the right position all the time ?

That-That-That's | a good question.

What-What happens is, the-the-the | centre has-has the ball first.

and-and-and the quarterback | will say, ''Hike.''

That's when the c-center puts the ball | in-into the hands of the quarterback.

So what l do is, | l-l start tacklin' the quarterback,

unless he give the ball | to-to s-somebody else,

in which case, | l-l try to tackle that person.

Hmm ? Gentleman, which brings me | to my next point:

Don't smoke crack.

- [ Chattering ] | - [ Horn Honking ]

Vicki Vallencourt. | What you doin' here ?

Oh, nothin'. | l was just thinkin'...

about stealin' L.T.'s porsche | over there.

But l suppose l ought to | be movin' on before l get you | in trouble with your mama.

Well, Mr Coach Klein said that | what Mama don't know won't hurt her.

So maybe we could | ride home together.

- Really ? | - lf you'd like to.

[ Giggling ] | Okay.

[ Man ] | Who got the hooch

Who got the hooch | Baby

Who got the only | sweetest thing in the world

- Who got the hooch, baby | - [ Snoring ]

Who got the only | sweetest thing in the world

Who got the love | Who got the freshy freshy

Who got the only | sweetest thing

- ln the world | - [ Braying ]

You can sit down, | if you'd like.

[ Braying Continues ]

Vicki Vallencourt, | l figured...

'cause you're interested in astrology | and mystical stuff like that,

you might appreciate this.

That's water | from a glacier in alaska.

lt-lt was blessed | by a-an Eskimo medicine man.

- lt's cold ! | - Yes, it's always cold. | That's why it's so special.

That-That was-- | That-That-That-That happened--

That-That happened to be | my-my first time with-with lips...

and-and-and-and-and | and-and-and-and-and the-the tongue.

That was your tongue. | l-- l believe it was--

l never did that before.

Well, if that was | your first kiss,

then l bet it's the first time | you've seen a pair of these.

Yes, yes, that is | a-another first for me,

and l-l appreciate what-what-what | you're showin' me right now.

[ Snoring Continues ]

Vicki-Vicki Vallencourt, | l-l think Mama's up.

[ Mumbling ] | Devil, devil, devil.

You better get goin'.

My God, Bobby, l mean, sometimes, | l just don't know why l bother with you.

You ain't even a man.

[ announcer ] lt looks like | the Cinderella S.C.L.S.U. Mud Dogs,

led by linebacker | Bobby Boucher,

are gonna fall one victory short | of that Bourbon Bowl bid.

lowa could win the game | by nailing this 20-yard field goal.

Yeah, but the Mud Dogs have played | a sensational football game.

Let's take a look at the way Boucher | entered the Hawkeyes' last drive.

Here we see Boucher | instantly penetratin' the pocket.

[ Grunting ]

There's a lot of pain | and shame in those eyes.

Friends, it's all over.

- [ Man ] My leg ! | - Wow, that is a disturbing image.

Difficult to watch, Chris. | [ Exhales ]

Whoo ! My God !

Gonna kick some names | and take some ass !

Bobby !

Water sucks. | Gatorade is better.

- What ? | - Use it on the field.

[ Crowd Chanting ] | Waterboy, Waterboy, Waterboy !

Gatorade not only quenches your thirst | better, it tastes better, too, idiot.

You're-You're-You're drinkin' | the wrong water.

- Gatorade. | - H2O.

- Gatorade ! | - H2O !

Water sucks, lt really, really sucks | Water sucks

- lt really, really sucks | - Stop saying that. You don't | mean that. You're bad people.

[ Bobby Whimpering ]

- [ Cheering ] | - [ announcer ] and my friend, Chris,

the Mud Dogs are goin' | to the Bourbon Bowl.

With yesterday's come-from-behind | victory, the S.C.L.S.U. Mud Dogs...

earned a New Year's Day date with Red | Beaulieu and the Louisiana Cougars...

in the first annual | Bourbon Bowl.

But not only has the waterboy | changed S.C.L.S.U.'s fortunes,

he's got other teams looking | around the sidelines for talent.

ln fact, yesterday, Michigan, | devastated by injury,

experimented with their towel boy | at wide receiver.

- [ Groaning ] | - But the towel boy ran into | a laundry list of problems.

[ Cheering ]

You know, when l see | so many of you here tonight,

it reminds me just about how special | this season really was.

Not just for the team.

Not just for the students.

But for each and every | one of you...

in our small corner | of Louisiana !

- [ Cheering ] | - You can do it !

Oh, yes, we can, | and, yes, we will.

Because we've got...

a young man who has been | so vital to our success.

a wonderful student-athlete.

and a wonderful friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, | Bobby Boucher !

[ Band ]

- [ Together ] Waterboy, number one ! | - You can do it !

Thank you so much...

for bein' my friends.

- [ Crowd Cheering ] | - You can do it !

l'd also like to take | this opportunity...

to tell you that my mama | don't know how l play football,

so if-if you could not tell | my mama l-l play football, | that would be for the best.

[ Cheering ]

[ Band Resumes ]

[ Horn Honking ]

We must be a little lost. We're tryin' | to get to the Bourbon Bowl.

Looks like we ended up | in Retardville, U.S.a.

Hey, Waterboy, you fixin' | to tackle all of us ?

- Kick his water-lovin' ass, Greg. | - l asked you a question, dumb ass.

You even exhale, | and l will saw your head off.

You can do it ! | Cut his f***ing head off !

Hold it, hold it. Just a minute. | Now what is the problem here, honey ?

l mean, whatever it is, | we don't want this to get physical.

Right, Klein ?

[ Vicki ] Yeah, well, your team actin' | like a bunch of shitheads.

This is not how ambassadors | for the University of Louisiana | are supposed to act.

So now you just get back on the bus. | [ Chuckling ]

However, | assault with a deadly weapon,

very, very serious offence.

Officer, get her | little country ass outta here.

- [ Crowd Murmuring ] | - Thank you, Vicki.

Let's go.

ah ! lt's the waterboy !

l got something for you.

This is his transcript from | South Lafayette High School...

Rate this script:4.7 / 19 votes