The Way Ahead Page #7

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Oh, you lovely bed.

I wonder what the others are doing.

Probably still capturing bridges,

covered with mud.

Serves 'em right.

Blimey. Look out. Here he is.

Tea's ready in the cookhouse, sir.

Shall I march them down, sir?

Pity we didn't see it through, sir, eh?

When this regiment was formed,

our country was doing pretty badly.

Napoleon's armies were just across

the Channel, getting ready to invade us.

We'd had defeat after defeat and a great

many people thought we were finished.

We weren't, but not because we were lucky.

When the first battalion of this regiment

marched, it was against Napoleon.

Talavera, 1809. That was the first

battle they made their own.

They marched 42 miles in 24 hours

of a Spanish summer,

and every man jack of

them carried a 60lb pack.

Talavera - it's on your cap badges.

The other battles, too

- Barossa, Sabugal...

At Sabugal, with four companies of riflemen,

they defeated five times Napoleon's troops.

Salamanca, Orthez, Waterloo,

Alma, Sebastopol,

Tel el Kabir, Mons, Ypres, Somme.

Those are battle honours.

You're allowed to wear that badge

with those names on it

to show that you belong

to the regiment that won them,

and that when the time comes,

you'll do as well as they did.

Last year, that badge was in France.

This year, in Libya.

It hasn't been disgraced yet.

Now you're wearing it.

I know what went wrong today.

It so happens that Captain Edwards doesn't.

You needn't worry. I'm

not going to tell him.

He's quite depressed as it is to think that it was

his company that let the whole battalion down.

But I just want to tell you this.

If you ever get near any real fighting -

I don't suppose you'll ever be good enough -

but if you do, you'll find that you're

looking to other men not to let you down.

If you're lucky, you'll have soldiers like Captain

Edwards and Sergeant Fletcher to look to.

If they're lucky, they'll

be with another company.

All right, Sergeant Fletcher,

they can have their tea.

Platoon, 'shun!

All right, get the rest of your stuff off

and fall in outside in five minutes.

What's up?

To hear him talk, you'd

think we'd lost the war.

Yes.

He'll be as bad as the sergeant now.

Come on, Johnson! Come on!

Mr Perry's miles ahead! Let's catch him up!

One more go

for the day you missed on the exercise.

Was that any better, sir?

- 17. Sergeant Fletcher!

- Sir?

- What was it this time, sir?

- 17.

- That's better than the other platoons, sir.

- Yes.

Hoo! 17 minutes.

That doesn't sound humanly possible.

You didn't do it in 17.

You were right behind.

- So was Bert. Weren't you?

- Just in front of you, though.

Ah, what does it matter? He doesn't

care if we break our perishin' necks.

How much better do we have to be

to get a thank-you out of him?

- I don't blame him.

- What?

- Listen who's talking.

- He's been jolly decent to me.

You weren't there, you twerp, so shut up.

We only did it for a joke, anyway.

You'd think he'd be decent

enough to see that.

- Parsons!

- Sergeant.

Over here.

Well, we've asked for it and we've got it.

For the duration.

Cunning little beggar, sucking up.

- If Bill doesn't come soon, there'll be no tea.

- Good. Serve him right.

I wonder what he was sucking up

to Perry and Fletcher for.

Trying to get some more

leave, I should think.

- So long, boys.

- Cheerio, Marjorie.

- Steady on with that sugar.

- Here are the scones.

Isn't Bill down yet?

I do hope the bath water's still hot.

- How's the leg now, Bert?

- Thank you.

It's rather worse since

I put the iodine on it.

It'll be better later, I expect.

You should see my leg, Mrs Gillingham.

It's got a bruise as big as that plate.

Just put those down there to keep hot, Ted.

It's agony to move it.

I did it on that perishing tree obstacle.

Take it slower if you can't do

it without hurting yourself.

I didn't notice you taking it slower. You were

so busy trying to impress our loving officer.

- Look here!

- Shut up, both of you.

Boys, boys!

I don't know what's come over you lately.

- Well...

- Now, stop quarrelling and eat your scones.

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Ah, here's Bill. Now, he's not grumpy.

- Sorry I've been so long.

- That's all right.

Ted, give Bill a scone.

Oh, do have a scone, Lord Fauntleroy.

Oh, I wonder who that can be.

Sure you wouldn't rather sit here, Bill?

It's more comfy.

Thanks, Geoff. Very nice of you.

Oh, it's another soldier.

- It's Fletcher.

- What?

Fletcher.

He asked me about baths at the camp.

So that's what it was.

- And you told him about this place?

- Yes.

You... BF, you.

Listen.

- Mrs Gillingham?

- Yes.

I heard you were kind enough to let

people have baths, and I wondered if...

Oh, yes. Do come in.

It's no trouble at all.

I know how difficult it is

for you boys at the camp.

Perhaps you'd like some tea

while the water heats up.

Oh, thank you very much.

- Er... What's your name?

- Perry.

This is Perry, boys.

Oh, we have met.

You know each other. That's splendid.

I hope you haven't got the same dreadful

officer these poor lads have got.

Same one.

Well, not really dreadful.

- I suppose you find it very trying, too.

- Yes.

I'll pop down and tune up the boiler again.

It's no trouble.

Oh, dear.

He doesn't really understand it very well.

- Sugar?

- Please.

I...I think perhaps I'd better go down

and see what he's doing.

Charming woman, Mrs Gillingham, sir.

Yes, she seems very nice.

Aye. She... She lets us have

baths here every week, sir.

Oh, you're lucky. No thanks, I've got some.

Any truth in the rumour, sir,

that the sergeant major's got bronchitis?

Just lost his voice on parade, I think.

- Shouting, sir?

- Just giving orders, Stainer.

Yes, sir.

- Will you have a cake, sir?

- Oh, thank you.

You shouldn't have bothered, Ted.

- Here, Mrs G?

- Yes?

You know that officer we was talking about?

- Who, the horror?

- That's him.

Perry?

- Oh, what did I say?

- I know.

Oh, my goodness!

I wonder what I'd better do now.

Well, it'll take at least a half an hour

for this to heat up.

- I wonder if we could tell him that...

- That it's going out?

I'm sure the lads would

appreciate it, Mrs G.

Oh, I don't quite like to do that.

Well, you see, it's very awkward.

Him and us don't get on well together.

- Still...

- This'll go out in any case. You see this?

- It don't work.

- No.

I always do... this.

Yes, well, of course you can do that.

Well, of course, if you don't get on together,

perhaps it would be better if he went.

- I'll tell him.

- Thanks, Mrs G.

The thing I never discovered was

who did lynch Black Maguire.

- Well, sir, I was just going to explain.

- Oh, it was suicide.

It was not suicide, sir.

The whole poem is really based on fact.

Actually, a lot of people believe

that Black Maguire was never lynched.

Mr Perry, the water will

be hot in a few minutes.

Oh, thank you.

Well, the next time we have a concert, sir,

I expect Luke could play us the bagpipes.

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