The Wedding Pact Page #5

at your place?

- Oh, come on.

- Actually, it's not

even your place, though,

is it?

It's my place.

I...

I can't believe you would

throw that in my face.

You knew my mom and I's

situation.

You're the one

that came up with the idea

for us to live there.

I don't know what your dad

said to you up there,

but please stop taking it out

on me, okay?

- You gonna sign

the prenup?

- What?

- Are you gonna sign

the prenup?

- Jake, I haven't even

really had a chance to read...

- Elizabeth, I really

need you to sign that.

- Well, I've had a lot

on my mind with the race

and the wedding.

I'm working...

- Really? You've had

a lot on your mind?

I've had a lot

on my mind too.

I've had the race on my mind,

the wedding on my mind.

I have this prenup on my mind

that you seem to never

want to talk about.

Now guess what...

now I have Mitch on my mind.

Thanks for that.

Some dweeb I don't even know

who's staying with

my-soon-to-be wife

in the house that I paid for.

- I really don't want to talk to

you about this right now, okay?

Can you please

just take me home?

- Fine.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

- Love you too.

Welcome back.

Okay, now there has been

a lot of talk about voter fraud,

and we are here to discuss...

- hey, Donna?

- Hey.

- Yeah, I was gonna

go grab a beer.

Is anyplace close by?

- Oh. Up the street,

there's lucky's.

- Perfect. Can you tell

Elizabeth where I am?

- Of course. I think buddy

and I can handle that.

Right, buddy?

Have fun.

- Thank you.

Ooh!

Ah-oh!

- Hey, groin shots

are off-limits.

Anything else is fair game.

- Hi.

- Hey. What can I get you?

- I'll just have a beer,

please.

- Sure.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Would you like

to start a tab?

- Sure.

- Aah!

- What is that?

- It's called the whipping post.

I'll have a beer too.

Put it on this guy's tab.

- Oh!

Where's Elizabeth?

- I dropped her home.

- Ah.

What are you doing here?

Don't you have

a big race tomorrow?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm just having a beer.

- No. What are you

doing here?

- Why would anybody

do that to themselves?

- I knew you were a wussy

from the moment I met you.

- I'm not a wussy.

I'm just not stupid.

- Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

- No.

See? Wussy.

- You actually challenging me

to a rat tail competition?

- Tell you what.

Bet 1,000 to your 100

you tap out first.

- Hey, everybody.

Jake just bet $1,000 to...

I'm sorry, what's your name?

- B*tch.

- Mitch.

- To Mitch that he can

take him in the whipping post!

Whipping post, whipping post!

Whipping post,

whipping post,

whipping post, whipping post,

whipping...

- let's do this.

- Whipping post, whipping post!

Whoo!

- Let's do it!

Okay, mates,

here are the rules.

Trade off whips with your towels

until someone taps out.

You tap out, you lose.

No head or groin shots.

Everything else is fair game.

If after five whips

there's still no winner,

we dunk those towels

in ice water, boys.

Understand?

- Yeah, I understand...

- Yeah, okay.

Let's whip it out, boys.

- So, uh, you know, how does

this get going here?

- Are these regulation towels?

- Oh!

- Ooh!

- See that, see that?

Kick his ass, Nate!

- Come on.

- See what you got.

Ow!

- Seems kinda dumb.

Ah!

- Wanna tap out?

- I'm good.

Okay. Okay.

- Sure you wanna do this,

college friend?

Ow! God!

- Right in the nipple.

- That's a good shot.

Good shot.

- Need a break in this,

or what?

- No, we keep going.

Oh.

- Whoo!

Man, what...

oh, God!

- Oh!

- That was right there!

That was...

- sorry. I don't know.

I've never done it before.

- Keep your whips up.

- All right, I'll keep it up.

- Get this guy?

- We keeping score or...

- Ooh!

- That was a little high.

No, I know, it's...

- let's keep it down.

- You want out?

You good?

You w... ow!

Son of a...

You felt that one,

didn't ya?

- Ow! He's hitting

the same spot!

Come on! Can't he

move it around a little bit?

- You all right?

- Yeah!

One-trick pony?

Oh, what were the rules

again?

- Mm!

Aah!

- These two idiots

have actually made it

to the wet whip.

It is now time

for these two fools

to whip each other

at the same time.

- Just bow out, man.

- That's not gonna happen.

You bow out.

- Let's go.

Come on.

- Okay, let's whip it out,

boys.

- Let's whip it out.

Hey!

Are you both crazy?

That's it.

Show's over.

- Boo!

- Come on!

- What were you both

thinking?

- Talk about this tomorrow?

- I'm good with that.

- I'm taking Mitch home.

And I'm gonna see you

at 10:
00 A.M.

What is that, your mom?

Ha ha ha!

Come on!

- You had him, Jake.

- Thanks.

- Somebody should tend

to those wounds,

but you're definitely

too drunk to drive.

- You got any suggestions?

- I live right upstairs.

- Tell me what the hell

are you thinking of

when you say

you say that I'm not

everything you want

Ah...

Ohh...

Oh!

Gah!

Ah!

- What the hell

were you thinking?

Do you need some help?

- If you've come to yell at me,

I think I'm suffering

enough as it is.

- I'm not gonna yell at you.

- Here.

- What the hell

were you thinking?

- Oh, my gosh.

Oh...

Ah!

- I'm sorry.

Ow...

- Oh, my gosh!

Where did you find this?

- Oh. Friggin' Dave.

He was busting my balls

about that, so...

- You ate so many hot dogs

that day.

- 27. I remember

every one of them.

- I ate a lot too.

- If memory serves,

you had three.

- Three is a lot.

- Three's a lot?

- Yes. I mean, not as many

as 27, but...

- Well, no, yeah,

look at my face,

and, you know,

look at yours.

- We're babies.

Okay. I'm off to bed.

Good night.

- Good night.

Hey.

Don't you judge me.

You wanna sleep together?

- College.

- College.

Come on, open!

Hi.

- Hi.

- I can't get my door open.

You think you could

help me out?

- Your door...

Oh, that's nice.

- Yeah, it's stuck.

- Um...

Your door's stuck.

Yeah, let me, uh,

let me take a look.

- All runners should be

making your way

to registration now.

He said 10:
00 A.M.

Right?

- Yeah.

- Maybe he got held up.

- I don't know, but I can't

wait for him anymore.

I'm gonna go register,

okay?

- We'll be right here,

honey.

- Donna, what's the deal

with this guy?

I don't know.

Oh, Mitch, I don't know.

Speak of the devil...

- Hey!

Hey, where have you been?

And what... why aren't you

dressed for the race?

- What... what?

Oh, my God!

Are you drunk?

- No, I'm not drunk.

I was drunk.

I'm just hung over now.

- Mitch, could you

grab his stuff?

- Hey, don't... don't...

don't touch my stuff, bro.

All right?

- If she sees you like this,

it will kill her.

- Relax, Donna.

Give me a break.

Where is she?

- She's at registration.

- Hey, I wasn't talking

to you, dirt bag!

You know, we could finish

what we started

last night if you want.

- All right,

let's go, 12-step.

- Oh, great.

That's what I thought.

Let's do this thing.

Ow! Ow!

- Nate...

Get away from me!

Ah... Uh...

- I'll go find a doctor.

- What happened?

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