The Wedding Party Page #3

Am I gonna eat something first?

Yeah, nevermind.

Oh!

Hello!

Margene is one of

my oldest friends.

She's very, very old.

At William Jennings Bryant high

we were in every club together.

Yearbook, right.

Mathletes.

Drug free youth.

But it wasn't until we got to ou

that her and with...

Mr. Paul.

Paul.

I love Margene so much.

And Paul.

I never wanna feel...

So much love.

And...

As they come together we

gotta be there, right?

To Maul and Pargene!

Oh!

Oh!

Okay!

Bullhorn!

I guess we are not all cut

out for the stage now, are we?

When my little half bro

asked me to be his best man,

I was like "hell no!"

Sike!

Ya mama rides a motorbike!

And then you know, we'd hang

out a lot and then we'd...

It goes a little

something like this.

I always knew a day would come

when Paul and I

would have to move on

from being such close friends.

And today as he's

married, it's clear his

world's changed forever

as he moves on to married life.

Here's a confession.

I always secretly wanted to

hate Paul's wife, future wife.

How dare she take

away my best friend!

But when Paul and

Margene began dating

senior year of high school,

I knew if there was a

woman perfect enough

to be Paul's new best

friend, it was Margene.

And on this...

And on this...

Auspicious.

Au what?

Auspicious.

F*** you.

And on this auspicious day,

we raise our glasses

high to Paul and Margene,

to best friends everyone.

Guys, best friends!

Don't take it for

granted, you don't know

how long you have them for.

Thank you, love you bro.

Yeah, love you too.

And thank you,

ladies and gentlemen.

If I could just have

everyone's attention.

Calm it down people.

My very, very good friend Jim

has some words for

us this evening.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

So without further adeu...

Dude, I don't wanna do it.

Jim.

Jim, Jim, Jim.

- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.

- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.

He's a wordsmith

okay!

Wow, that's gonna be

a hard one to follow.

Obvi.

You know...

Paul and I, we've

known each other for...

I don't know, since

middle school and...

I remember the first

time we got schwasted.

Best friend memories, yes Jim.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I too used to

get schwasted with Margene,

in her parents basement.

Okay, little secret.

Mike's hard lemonade

and this girl?

Pro, sucks them

down, she's amazing.

And you know, we

bring this up as a...

As a...

Segway.

A Segway to inform you that...

Although the bar is an open bar,

we should really

still tip the staff.

Yes, and you know

if you get a beer...

You don't have to.

Nope.

But if you get a mixed

drink, it's just what's done.

Super polite.

On that note, to

everlasting love!

Everlasting

love, yeah great, bye.

Thank you.

That sucked.

Why would you say that?

Thank you.

Hi guys, time to dance.

Oh no.

No, no, you have 70 minutes,

you wanna get out of here,

you gotta do the romantic sh*t.

Okay, okay, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

You look beautiful.

Got everything.

I have it for you right here.

Yep, I'm fine.

I got it.

Okay.

How about a spin, huh?

I could take a spin.

You all right?

I'm great.

The speeches were

a little weird.

We're still running late.

I'm just worried

about the flight.

Paul, we're married.

I know.

Everything's great.

Everything's perfect.

And now for the

father daughter dance.

We just...

Daddy.

Thank you for all this.

And for talking earlier,

and being so understanding.

Without mom, I'm lucky

I have you to listen.

And I know it freaked you out.

Plus there's Paul's

job and everything.

Look.

Everything's turning

out just right.

Right?

And everyone, dance floor!

Let's get on it, yeah!

What did you eat?

Nothing yet.

Oh, I'm hungry.

Steady, steady.

Oh, great speech by the way.

My oration on getting schwasted.

Thanks, I actually wrote

it a couple weeks ago.

You know, thanks.

I have officially

thrown Greta's schedule

out the window and

let's see, I now have...

Oh, 68 minutes to

finish all of this.

When's the cake?

Uh, when it gets here finally?

Wrong, no, no, no.

Most people wait for

the cake to leave,

and you don't early exits.

I know this, cause I've

been planning my wedding

since I was a little...

girl.

Since you were

just a little baby.

Okay, all right, very funny.

You now have...

67 minutes, you're

just wasting time.

Thank you for that, mhm.

You need me.

I'm in.

Do not f*** with me.

I'll take it back.

- No, you said it, you're in.

- All right, let's do this.

Really?

Oh thank you so much for coming.

Yeah, you enjoying yourself?

You know, we was

outside with the bugs

for over an hour waiting

for the service to start.

Ow, well.

We thank you and everyone

for your Patience.

And...

I got walking pneumonia ya'll,

I'm here sick as a dog.

Oh, oh, should

you be out of bed?

It's walking pneumonia.

Let me see this wedding ring.

Oh, well that's

a very funny story,

and it all starts with a

very stupid man named Colton.

Colt hired this

band and when he did

he just kept screaming

"it's gonna be 1998

all over again!"

Poor guy, he's just, he's

nostalgic for nostalgia.

Hey, I agree with him.

I like swing.

We did that kick ass routine.

In show choir, the

swing one, you remember?

Uh huh.

Oh wait, are we

pretending like you didn't

do show choir for four

years of your life?

Uh huh.

Okay, great, so then...

Moving on to the binder there.

All right, let's see.

In case of male

shirt disaster...

I.E. Wine spilling or colored

armpit stain, et cetera,

contingency tuxedo shirt

taped underneath the dance...

No, she did not.

Okay that's crazy, it's under...

It's under there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She taped it?

Tampons are taped

underneath table seven.

Note the following bridesmaids

are on their period.

Oh my, ew, no, Greta!

Greta, Greta this is...

Terrible.

This is my 8th

wedding this summer.

Do you know the financial

and psychological toll

that eight bridesmaids

dresses has on a person?

And Greta, it's got me

thinking about settling down.

About settling, you know?

I want Skyler.

I know.

And you are...

His best friend?

I know.

And only delusional

people think their

best friend's gonna fall

madly in love with them.

I mean...

But maybe my best friend will

fall madly in love with me.

Oh, honey.

Don't swallow your tongue.

Okay.

That man wore a no fear, no

fear like half sleeve t-shirt

to my wedding.

Your family's crazy.

Wait, my family?

Uh huh.

I thought he's with your side.

Ah, it's gonna take forever

to greet all these people.

But we have to.

Yeah, we do.

Or else we face a lifetime

of guilt from everybody.

Including, and

especially your father.

You know what, we gotta

get out of here on time

so we can make our flight.

Yeah.

So that we can consummate

our love together.

I am both excited and anxious

at the thought of being

physically intimate.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Then I got a plan for us.

Ready for it?

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