The Wedding Party Page #5
I could barely afford
the plane tickets
for the honeymoon.
Now with the merger, I
don't even know if my job...
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
The same reason you
wouldn't of left.
You know how lucky you are, man.
Look, all you have to do
is make Margene happy.
Sorry, I didn't mean
to interrupt I just...
no.
I have your beer.
Perfect timing.
Sorry.
I actually just saw
some second cousins
from Lawton over there that...
I should go bond with.
Okay, so let me guess.
He was bugging you as to when
you plan on settling down
because Margene asks me
Why are they always
trying to get single people
to get married?
It's like do you just
wanna drink the booze
at my wedding as payback or...
You know, the more
I feel like married people
were actually recruited
themselves into getting married
and then they settle down,
they realize it's super boring,
and it doesn't
actually work unless
they have other married
homeland and sh*t with.
Marriage is...
Marriage is a pyramid
scheme, it is.
Oh my god, I f***ing hate you!
Sorry, she's got Tourette's.
Sexually contracted Tourette's.
You arrogant, neurotic, self
centered, immature, homophobic.
No, no, no, not true,
I'm not afraid of them.
Needy, childish, jealous...
Which is warranted
because you're a skank!
A misogynist!
I am not.
You laughed at
me when I told you
I was sexually harassed at work.
You said it in a funny voice.
You know what, Quentin?
I think the worse
thing about all of this
is that you're
obviously not over me.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm over you.
Yeah, I'm so over
you I wouldn't f*** you
with your 10 foot dick.
Okay well, at least one
of those has one of those,
f*** you Quentin!
Oh, I thought this was over.
It wasn't over.
It still isn't over.
I think actually the animal that
I identify with the most...
Is the wolf.
Oh.
Because it's half wild
animal, part domesticated dog.
Cause a part of me like...
Tries to hunt.
The other part of me is loyal,
likes my tummy scratched.
Oh, are you a lone wolf?
Hungry like the wolf.
And you are adorable.
But I am married.
Oh.
Look at that.
Yup.
Ring on the finger
usually means married.
Yeah, I guess unless
you're Margene, right?
What?
Oh, no, not like she's
loose or anything...
Just saying because the ring...
What?
Nevermind, nevermind,
just forget I said that,
and forget, I'm
sorry, you're married.
Well you give up awfully easily.
I didn't say no.
I said I'm married.
Thought you were a bad boy.
I am, it's just...
You're married, so.
Yeah, well, suit yourself.
But Fyi, my p*ssy
tastes real good.
And my husband and I have
a certain arrangement.
I mean, if you're interested.
Yeah.
Wow, okay, yeah let me...
Let me just use the little
boy's room for a second,
and when I get back,
we'll have an answer.
I'll be here.
Okay.
Occupied!
I'll just go this
way, it's easier.
That's fine.
Oh sh*t I'm sorry,
I didn't know anyone
else was in here.
The more the merrier.
I just need a place to think
for a second.
You know, actually,
I would appreciate
the advice of a total stranger.
You see...
This married woman just told me
How would she know what
That...
I'm just wondering like
you know, do I go for it?
That's taboo, like
how often do these...
stop, look.
I'm you, from the future.
No, I was just like you,
I was always chasing tail...
And then one day,
my hair fell out.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah, your standards have
dropped, the screwing...
Won't sedate the the loneliness.
You'll end up bald
with a prostate
the size of a mandarin orange,
and the only sexual
adventure you'll have
is when your wife
brings a young man home.
So...
I don't know.
Go for it!
Oh, this woman...
Is she a redhead
in a purple dress?
Yeah?
Wow.
You'll do just fine.
Yeah.
I will do just fine.
Oh sh*t.
God.
Damn it.
Watch it, dumb broad!
Hey, sorry.
Gosh.
Wow, I was just about to
head to the dance floor,
you wanna join me?
You know what?
It wasn't as cool as
Oh right.
Come here.
But yeah, later, you know,
show those jokers how it's done.
Oh, oh, you mean some of this?
that, you remember that?
A little of that, a
little of that 2008.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, bring it back.
And bring it back,
and bring it back.
And then I'll do
this like we used to...
Hi.
Don't cry Bethanie, don't cry.
You left me without my medicine.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
The millennials for Christ.
Hey, hey, hey!
Have you seen Paul?
Um...
I thought that he
would be with you.
Yeah...
We're trying this whole
divide and conquer thing
to save time, you know, so.
Can I ask you something?
Yes?
Was my wedding perfect, was it?
Oh my gosh, you
look like an angel.
picked, they're beautiful,
they're gorgeous, like
you would think that
somebody would actually notice,
that guys would actually
take notice of you, but no.
Just, you look everything...
Everything is perfect.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
Okay, well, I gotta run.
Uncle Pete's not gonna
greet himself, so.
And to me, I find Christianity
is the real social media...
pastor Kyle, thank you.
It was such a
wonderful ceremony.
It was just so...
It was stunning,
thank you, perfect.
I refuse to be a
slave to a trapper keeper,
we are throwing rice.
eats it, it will explode.
That can't possibly be true...
it is.
Hello, throwing
rice, it's a tradition.
Oh, I forgot what
a romantic you are.
Do you remember how
you asked me to prom?
Yeah, in a night
tub put on a pony.
Okay, fine.
I will admit it...
High school dances
were kind of the best.
Oh, we would get so dressed up
and then we would dance
to the best songs of 2006.
Oh wait, do you remember...
You don't know me
you don't even care
oh, that was good.
- That was a good song.
- That sh*t was my jam.
That was a good one.
And then you'd be
on the dance floor
dancing cheek to
cheek with your crush,
and you'd get those shivers
up your spine, so cute.
Yeah, when we weren't grinding
to lil Jon or n'sync.
Oh god, and sweating...
Profusely because the 100...
yeah, we were like
disgusting sweaty teenagers.
So gross.
Hundred of us would
be on that dance floor
just packed in, and
you'd look around
and the guys would be
like grinding away,
just all in the hips.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like ugh, what's up Kyle?
Kyle was one of these.
He was like oh my
god, you're here.
You're here, and
I just gotta go.
You're just missing
that awkward erection
we all had.
True, true, I am missing that.
We never danced though.
In all the craziness,
I lost you.
Well, I wanted
to dance with you.
When I found you, you were
dancing with Zeb Buckman.
Oh, Zeb.
I didn't have my
pony, so you know,
how was I supposed
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"The Wedding Party" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_wedding_party_21621>.
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