The Wedding Singer Page #6

Are you excited?

Yeah. She's paid her dues,

been with me four years.

I owe it to her to get married.

You had the Long Island

iced tea.

Plus, you know, you probably...

you want to get married.

I don't want to break up.

Plus, she was with me

before I made my money...

so I know I can trust her.

That is a luscious ass

right there, isn't it?

My God.

That's Grade-A,

top-choice meat.

Like to bite

right through that thing.

Chew on it.

But we can't get chicks

like that anymore.

We're too old.

Speak for yourself.

I'm not too old.

I can still get chicks

like that.

Not that hot, though, right?

I've gotten hotter.

Try 10 days ago.

Really?

As hot as that?

Hotter and younger.

How do you do it, man?

How do you do it

without getting caught?

Julia is totally preoccupied

with the wedding.

She doesn't know

what's going on.

Oh, man.

You know what sucks, though?

Once you get married,

the party's over, right?

I work in the city, man.

And I work long hours.

Yeah, that's something.

Julia's feeling

a little under the weather.

Told you she was gonna yak.

Yeah, you called it.

Why don't you go get your car

and meet us out front?

Oh, God. I forgot my purse.

Do me a favor and put her

in the car with Glenn.

-No problem.

-It's OK.

I puked.

OK. Don't worry.

I vomited in my hair.

All right.

Does my hair smell bad?

No, it smells good, actually.

Just feel better, all right?

Hi, Glenn.

Don't puke in the car,

all right?

It'll stink for a week.

What do you think of Glenn?

Do you think he's trustworthy?

Yeah, he better be.

Who cares about Glenn?

You know what

I keep thinking about?

What?

That soft kiss

from the other day.

It looked really nice.

Did it feel good?

I don't know.

I don't remember.

Could I refresh your memory?

Yummy.

So you know Julia's

staying at Glenn's tonight.

Look, Robbie,

I know that you're shy...

and I know

that you've been hurt...

so I'm gonna make this

really easy on you.

If you come upstairs,

you're gonna get laid.

Wow.

Nobody's ever said that

to me before.

I just--I'm telling you...

my head's kind of a mess

right now.

Julia's staying

at Glenn's tonight, huh?

Does she stay over there a lot?

Really?

Oh, my God.

What?

I can't believe

I never noticed it before.

You've got a thing for Julia.

Oh, no, I don't.

I think she's

a very nice girl...

but she's marrying

that jerk-off.

You know why

she's marrying him, don't you?

The money thing?

Security? A nice house?

I guess that's important

to some people.

No, it's...

It's not important

to some people, Robbie.

It's important to all people.

Really? Then I guess

I'm in big trouble.

Morning, sunshine.

I have a bad headache.

A really bad headache.

Can I cook you

some breakfast?

How was your bottle of rum

last night?

I didn't vomit on you, did l?

A little on my shoe,

but I was wearing your shoes.

Good.

So, did anything happen

with Robbie last night?

A kiss.

Did you kiss him,

or did he kiss you?

I kissed him.

And then what?

Nothing.

He sure doesn't

think much of Glenn, though.

Really? What did he say?

That Glenn's a jerk-off.

Why would he say that?

Who knows?

Maybe he was jealous.

Don't worry. I told him

why you were marrying him.

Why did you tell him

I was marrying him?

Because you love him...

and because...

because with Glenn,

you'll have security.

But that's not

why I'm marrying him.

Then why are you?

Hi, Rosie. How are you?

Fine, dear.

Is Robbie here?

I came by to give him something.

No, Julia.

I'm afraid he's not.

But it's Thursday.

You have singing lessons today.

Not anymore.

Now that he's gone to the city

to get a real job...

he doesn't have time

to give me lessons.

Why do you think you'd be

a good hire for this bank?

I'm ready to work hard...

and when I put my mind

to something, I go all the way.

I'll go all the way

for you, sir.

Do you have any experience?

I have no experience,

but I'm a big fan of money.

I like it. I use it.

I have a little.

I keep it in a jar

on top of my refrigerator.

I'd like to put more in it.

That's where you come in.

He wants to make money.

Live in a nice house

with wide windows and lamps.

You can't expect him to live

forever with his sister...

and the nipple-twisting

that goes on there.

I thank you for your time.

Actually, sir, I need this job

to impress a girl.

Will you leave now, please?

You don't even have

to give me the job.

If you could give me some cards

with my name on it...

I think that might help.

I'm gonna try

and go look for him, OK?

Tell him I'll give him a raise.

Three meatballs a lesson.

How about this?

for one business card.

Thank you very much.

Hey, Julia.

What are you doing here?

I went by Rosie's to find you.

I'm not doing that anymore.

I thought that teaching

was a big part of your life.

It was, but now I'm doing

some stuff...

to better my situation.

Sounds kind of selfish.

It's not selfish. There's

a lot of money out there.

I'm trying to get

my hands on some.

But you don't want to be

just another yuppie idiot.

What's wrong with that?

Don't want to live in

my sister's basement anymore.

I want to get a big house,

have some security.

Can't do that doing favors

for people all the time...

getting paid in meatballs.

But you're above

all that material bullshit.

I don't know. We're living

in a material world...

and I am a material girl.

Or boy.

No, you're not.

What about you?

You're into material sh*t.

What do you mean?

You're marrying Glenn

'cause he's got money.

You a**hole.

Oh, my gosh.

She made me a present.

I am an a**hole!

You're going

to the mental institution.

Beat it!

-Rudy.

-Same?

Give me the same, please.

What's up?

-There he is.

-You all right?

You know something?

You were right.

You've always been right.

What have I been so right about?

Women.

You just have fun with them.

You get emotionally involved,

and they end up...

What do they do to you?

They rip your heart

out of your ass.

That's right.

Did something happen with Julia?

I went on

that double date, right?

And the moron

she's gonna marry...

actually tells me

he cheats on her.

But can I tell her?

No. Who am l

to break up a marriage?

You need a prostitute.

Anyways...I'm confused.

Because you like her.

I think I'm in love with her.

But I gotta get that

out of my head, you know?

From now on,

I'm gonna be like you.

I'm gonna be with

a different chick every night...

and then I'll send them packin'.

Sounds like you got it

all figured out.

I'm gonna have to give them

cab money to go home...

because I'll feel bad

if I don't...

but after that,

it's Bye-Bye, Birdie.

That's it, man,

starting right now.

We are gonna be free and happy

the rest of our lives.

I'm not happy.

I'm miserable.

What?

I grew up idolizing guys...

like Fonzie

and Vinnie Barbarino...

'cause they got

a lot of chicks.

You know what happened to Fonzie

and Vinnie Barbarino?

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