The Wedding Singer Page #5

And Glenn will be a really

good-looking older man...

like Blake Carrington.

I'm gonna probably

look like Buddy Hackett.

Of course

I'm gonna hire him.

He's your best friend and

the only limo driver in town.

Yeah. I just like

having fun with him.

Wow. Look at him go.

Better move it, man.

You're not gonna make it.

You hit 2 cones.

Those could have been people.

Those could have been

guests at her wedding.

They were cones.

That was fun today.

Wasn't that fun?

That was fun.

-l got the job, right?

-Yeah, you did.

It's August 5th,

a week from today.

Someone left a jacket

in the back.

That's Julia's jacket.

Remember?

She took it off on Noxon Street.

She said it's not

jacket weather anymore.

-Uh-oh.

-What?

-You like her.

-No, I don't.

Of course you do. She's

a cool chick with a hot ass.

You talk about her ass again,

I'll break your neck.

Anyway, she told me

she likes you.

Really?

She said that?

Think about it.

It's gonna be your first

kiss as a married couple.

It's perfectly acceptable

to open your mouth.

I just would not want

to do that in a church...

in front of God

and all of our relatives.

It would gross them out

to see me like...

No one will ever solve that.

You forgot

your jacket in the limo.

Thank you for bringing it back.

That's so nice of you.

Yeah, it was.

I'll see you later, all right?

Have fun today.

Hey, wait a second.

Maybe...he can help us.

You're the expert on this.

We were just having a debate

about wedding kisses.

I say that it's OK for it

to be an open-mouth kiss.

And I say that it's

the type of occasion...

where people dress up,

so it's not appropriate.

-l see.

-What do you want to do?

Thin, tight mouth,

and it's over?

No. Thin, partially open.

No tongues, over.

No tongue? Please. There

has got to be a little.

Maybe a little tongue.

Not porno tongue.

Church tongue.

Church tongue. I like that.

Church tongue? What is that?

I don't know

how to describe it.

Well, show me.

Not on me.

How about on him?

You don't mind, do you?

Come on, just hold still.

Julia, go ahead.

Come on.

We're all adults here.

I'm gonna have to see it

to make an educated decision.

Well, if it's for

educational purposes.

Good. OK.

All right, you ready?

I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Wow.

That...was...great.

Julia, you should do that

at the wedding.

I gave her the jacket.

Hey, Jules. Hey, Holly.

I kissed her,

but it didn't mean anything.

I just brought her the jacket.

Kissed who?

Oh, me.

Who hasn't?

I got you something.

It's called a CD player.

Cost me 700 bucks...

but the sound quality

is outstanding.

You want to play a record?

Jules, it doesn't play records.

It plays CDs.

It's a CD player.

I'll be upstairs hooking it up.

Oh, my God, Robbie

is so amazingly cute.

I think

I should go out with him.

Yeah, why not?

You're single, and he's single.

It makes sense.

If you don't want me to,

I won't do it.

Why would I not want you to?

Good, then I'm going out

with him.

Who you going out with?

Good.

That guy needs to get laid.

Excuse me.

Just because he's going out with me

doesn't mean he's gonna get laid.

All right, he probably will.

Do you think

he'll go out with me?

Jules is chums with him.

She'll fix it up, won't you?

You know what would be fun?

Let's go on a double date.

Sure you know

what you're doin up there?

Don't worry, you've got to stay in shape

so other men will look at you.

That way, your husband knows

you're still attractive.

Yeah, well just don't drop a

dumbbell on your head.

So, you still haven't been dating

anyone new, have you?

No, not yet.

Is it your confidence?

Are you nervous about

your penis?

What?

Are you nervous about

showing a new girl your penis?

You were comfortable

showing it to Linda...

...but now you might have to

show your penis to someone new.

What's the matter with you?

Don't talk about that.

You know I was at your

bris when you were a baby.

And I saw it.

It wasn't huge

but it had some size.

Don't worry about it.

-I'm not worried about it.

Next subject, quick!

It had good shape.

-What's the matter with you?

And when they cut the extra skin off,

the penis itself was very clean.

Well, that's great. Geez.

I'm gonna ask a girl

when I'm ready Rosie.

Well, let me help you

practice until you are.

Now, I'll be a young

girl and you'll be Robbie.

So, ask me out.

I don't wanna do this.

Hello sir.

Hello.

Is there something

you want to ask me?

Ok, would you like to go

to dinner with me sometime?

No...

...your

penis is too small.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

As I said,

it has some size.

Ok.

Robbie, you'll know

when you meet the right girl.

Because it's not

how you feel about her.

It's how she makes

you feel about yourself.

That makes a lot of sense.

All that other

stuff was ridiculous.

But that

made a lot of sense.

Look who we have here.

The precious angel.

-Hi Rosie.

How are the lessons going?

Well, I think I'm starting

to get the hang of it.

Yeah, she's starting to scaring

less and less people when she sings.

Oh, Robbie,

you're so funny.

You two talk.

I'm gonna do some

more military presses.

Ok.

Everything all right?

Yeah, actually, uhm, I came

by to ask you something now.

Yes, what's up?

Um...

Would you like to go

out on a date, with Holly?

Oh yeah, you want me to

go out on a date with Holly?

Yeah.

It'll be a double date,

Glen and I are gonna go to.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, Holly is nice.

Yeah.

And, she's single,

and you're single.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on,

it'll be fun.

Yeah, sounds like fun.

Robbie,

you look so cute tonight.

Thank you.

I like these rubber bracelets.

You look like Madonna.

Yeah, that's the idea.

Here you go.

So, Robbie,

how's your business going?

I'm actually working

on a game plan right now.

You should look

into the bond market.

-That's where the money is.

-Glenn's in junk bonds.

No, Jules,

it's high-yield bonds.

Do I tell people

you're in junk waitressing?

My grandmother gave me

a savings bond when I was a kid.

I get $25 in 1993,

so that'll be good.

So we totally

look like a couple.

Don't you think

we look great together?

David Bowie playing.

He's the best.

I think he's coming to town

in September.

I love David Bowie.

When I get excited...

My little China girl...

She says, "Oh, baby,

just you shut your mouth."

Shut your mouth. All right.

We all know the words.

God, I love David Bowie.

He is so sexy.

You think the "time to make

the donuts" guy is sexy.

That guy is funny.

You know who else

I think is sexy?

That's good.

Thank you very much.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Excuse us, guys.

We'll be right back.

She'll feel better

once she yaks.

I hope so.

So...

Sunday's the big day, huh?

I don't even know

your last name.

It's Gulia.

Julia's last name

is gonna be Gulia.

Julia Gulia. That's funny.

Why is that funny?

I don't know.

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