The Wedding Video Page #3

Take a look at this.

Get every detail. Even the canopy,

you know. They've thought of...

These little diamondy things.

It's a lovely touch.

Could you clear the basin

so we can look at that?

And this. The toilets.

Elmsley and Barnes in a portable.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sorry.

The wedding was perfection.

But Jacqui hadn't finished.

Zanna was going to sing for us.

A simple love song sung from the heart?

No. This was a Cheshire wedding so...

My Heart Will Go On)

Smoke, smoke. More smoke.

Too much smoke. Cut the smoke.

- Daddy!

- The Ice!

Oh, sh*t.

The next morning

I found a very different Alex.

With the favourite fallen at the last,

the race for Cheshire Wedding

Of The Year was wide open.

Alex decided to pick up the pace.

Suddenly I had a new camera

and sh*t loads of kit.

Sorry, I got a bit of our reflection

in there.

Sorry, Alex, have to do that again.

- Hi There. My name's--

- Sorry, Rog. Lift the mic up a bit.

Sorry. Hi.

My name's Roger and I'm delighted,

because I've just been asked

to write a love song for this video.

Well, we said if you held the mic

we'd discuss it, so it's not a...

All right. No, Rog...

And you can find yourself

another f***ing sound man.

You're definitely doing it.

You are definitely, definitely doing it.

Cheers, man.

- Oh, Rog, don't stand there.

- What?

You're in the shot.

And this is the Meribelle

modelled by Tricia.

Tricia's put on a little weight recently,

but the Meribelle's woven

with elastic panels,

so it can cope with the odd doughnut.

- Rog, you're in shot again.

- Can I have a go?

No, you can't have a go.

I've got a tone here, a style developing.

But this thing's killing my arms.

You wouldn't ask Rembrandt "Can I have

a go on your paintbrush?" Would you?

- Don't be a twat.

- Don't say that at a wedding fayre.

- Twat!

- Rog, shut up!

I'm just saying it would be nice.

Well, your brother made it.

- Actually, yeah. Have a go.

- Cool.

So, our guinea pig today is Lauren.

Lauren, have you set a date?

I have, Penny. 30th of January, 3 years'

time, Mairstone Castle.

3 years. Wow. ls your groom all right

about that long a wait?

I haven't actually met anyone yet, but if I

don't book now I won't get the venue.

And with our specialist technology,

we put weights within the bouquet,

so that the extra weight of the posy

will tense your biceps.

It will strengthen your triceps,

and it will eliminate any risk

of bingo wings on your big day.

But also to try and find something that's

compatible with your current--

Obviously, you don't wanna be all like--

You don't want to be stiff on the morning

after your wedding.

- Yeah, Raif. Stop it.

- Hmm?

Stop it.

Hi, guys. So the idea is you visit

the studios

around six weeks before your

wedding day,

and you bring your wedding lingerie,

your veil and tiara,

and then we direct you

into these amazing body sculpting poses.

Do this. Definitely do this.

Ever the other way round?

Do you ever film grooms for brides?

Yes, of course, sir. Would you like

to enter our draw to win a photo-shoot?

No, thank you. It's great.

No, it's not for me.

- Thank you so much. Thank you.

- Thanks. Cheers.

Cor, don't mind if I do.

- Actually, yes, I will.

- Great.

The heat of the room warms them up.

So at the special moment,

la-la, voila',

wedding filled with butterflies.

- That is stupendous.

- Look at that.

- We've got to have that.

- You have.

- Is that one dead?

- No, they're just sleeping.

They're all... Those four are dead.

Look, that's not moving.

That one's alive.

I think it's eating that one.

- Look, there's one right here.

- There's one on you.

Get it off. Please take it off.

I don't want it.

Please, take it off. I don't like...

Sorry.

- They're nice.

- I don't want that, actually. Sorry.

What can a butterfly do except

look lovely?

- Sas...

- Don't worry, we'll have them.

- Thank you.

- Three boxes for each per...

- So we've got eight bridesmaids--

- Well, um...

making it personal to Saskia, you know.

I think that's what... Don't we?

What makes a wedding special.

Those little personal ideas,

personal touches that make it

absolutely, entirely Saskia's.

And I hope that's what Jenna's

going to come up with.

What's it like

being a wedding planner?

Oh, well being a wedding planner's

a dream job for a woman.

You get married 6 times a year and you

never have to go home with a men.

- And you used to be an air hostess?

- Er, yes.

I stopped being an air hostess after

one particularly bad flight into...

Helsinki, after which I sort of

lost confidence.

And my love for the job, and I suffered

a severe loss of drive.

Severe loss of, of motivation. Plus um...

I started to...

scream quite a bit during turbulence,

so that wasn't...

so good.

Remember one thing.

People come for the bride and the groom,

but they go home,

talking about the butterfly release.

Wow.

This is going to be really special.

To get some tips for Tim and Saskia's

first dance,

we've managed to get Konstantin

Yevchinski from the Moscow Ballet.

So our thought was, um,

this is kind of our song.

Well, not our song but a song

that was playing when,

- on the night we met. So...

Um, do it, the dance, now.

Um, you two have never had sex.

You dance like you've never had sex.

Have you had sex?

- Not since we got here.

- No.

Dance is passion.

It's not here. It's here.

- it's, it's sh*t. Basically.

- Right.

Terrible. Sh*t. Penis limp.

Drooping like two wildebeests

or any bison like creature.

- Pissed bison. Yeah, pissed.

- Oh, no, don't...

Oh, if you just...

Maestro!

Oh, yes.

if you feel passion in your partner,

you'll feel it!

Is that right, Alex?

Did you feel his passion?

Sorry?

Gonna put the camera here.

I've no idea what I'm filming.

"You never know

what's around the corner"?

Um, John F Kennedy.

No, I think it was Forrest Gump,

wasn't it? That chocolate's thing?

Anyway, you plan for one venue

and suddenly

one you could only dream of

gets a wedding license.

- What are you talking about?

- Something happened with the Grosvenor?

What's going on?

Blindfolds off.

if there was a lesson to be learned

from the sinking of the Titanic,

like something about bigger

not always being better,

Alex was studiously ignoring it.

It's all yours.

It's quite ridiculous.

We're just gonna say 'no'.

Yeah, it's too big. I know, don't worry.

Come here, look at this.

The first couple to be married at

Rostherne Hall. How does that sound?

Great.

- Tim?

- Yeah.

- We're in a bloody stately home!

- I was there, I saw it.

Raif Moyle reporting here.

As I'm showing you everything

that happened in the run-up to the wedding,

I think it's important that we document

some of the 'speed bumps' on the...

- path of the happy day.

- We're discussing it.

It's a bit bloody late now. 2 seconds later

Mum comes over and you're like...

- "0, great. Fantastic!"

- What am I supposed to do?

Say, "Shove it up your arse, your stately

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