The Wheeler Dealers Page #12

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QUESTIONING, YOU MAY PROCEED.

THANK YOU, SIR!

NOW, MR. PILLSBURY,

WILL YOU PLEASE:

ANSWER THE QUESTION?

WELL, THA BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

TOOK ONE ROOM:

WITH A DOUBLE BED,

AND THAT BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

TOOK THE ADJOINING ROOM.

AND THEY SHARED:

THE CONNECTING BATH.

AHA!

SO MUCH:

FOR THE WITNESS'S CLAIM

THAT THE DEFENDANTS

WERE BUSINESS ASSOCIATES

AND NOTHING ELSE.

NEXT WITNESS, PLEASE.

Man:
MR. THADDEUS WHIPPLE.

NOW, MR. WHIPPLE,

DID YOU LEASE THE SUBSOIL RIGHTS

TO MR. TYROON?

Whipple:
YOU MEAN THAT CRAZY

FELLOW OVER THERE? I SURE DID.

HE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THEM,

AND HE CAN HAVE THEM.

AIN'T NO OIL

IN MASSACHUSETTS.

WHAT ABOUT THE OIL MR. TYROON

CLAIMS TO HAVE DISCOVERED THERE?

HE STRUCK OIL, ALL RIGHT.

HE STRUCK A PIPELINE RUNS RIGH UNDERNEATH OUR PROPERTY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

PIPELINE?

PURE DIESEL.

DID, UH, HE KNOW

THERE WAS A PIPELINE THERE?

CAN'T SAY HE DID,

CAN'T SAY HE DIDN'T.

DID YOU TELL HIM

THERE WAS A PIPELINE THERE?

OF COURSE NOT.

HE DIDN'T ASK ME.

MR. WHIPPLE,

DOES THE PIPELINE COMPANY KNOW

ITS OIL IS BEING DIVERTED?

THEY OUGHT TO.

MY BROTHER LEMUEL'S

THEIR LAWYER,

AND HE FILED SUI THIS MORNING.

HE CHARGES TRESPASSING,

DAMAGE TO PROPERTY,

AND A LOT OF OTHER THINGS.

YOUR BROTHER'S SUING YOU?

NOT ME.

SUING THEM CRAZY TEXANS.

THEY OWN THE SUBSOIL RIGHTS,

NOT ME.

NOW, MR. TYROON,

SUPPOSE YOU TELL THE COUR THE REAL REASON

FOR YOUR TRIP:

TO MASSACHUSETTS.

LIKE I SAID,

A SORT OF PICNIC.

SEE, I'D MET THIS PRETTY GIRL

WHO FOR ONCE HAD SOME BRAINS,

AND SHE WAS HAVING A LITTLE

TROUBLE WITH A STOCK REPORT,

SO I FIGURED I'D COMBINE A

LITTLE BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.

WELL, IT WAS A WAY

OF COURTING HER.

I OPENED MY BATHROOM DOOR,

AND THERE YOU ARE,

BRUSHING YOUR TEETH

IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO OUTBURSTS, MISS THATCHER.

I SLEPT IN THE CAR, YOUR HONOR,

AND LET ME TELL YOU.

IT WAS COLD OUT THERE.

WILL THE WITNESSES

PLEASE CONFINE THEMSELVES

TO THE PURPOSES:

OF THIS HEARING?

THEN THE REAL REASON

FOR YOUR TRIP:

WAS YOUR INTERES IN THAT YOUNG LADY?

WELL, YOU MIGHT SAY SO.

AND I'M STILL INTERESTED.

OH, I SUPPOSE

THAT'S WHY YOU GOT ME FIRED.

I DIDN'T GET --

AGAIN, I MUST ASK

THE WITNESSES THAT --

PLEASE, YOUR HONOR,

I JUST HAVE TO SPEAK.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

SHE GOT FIRED.

NOW, I'M WILLING TO TAKE

HALF THE BLAME.

- I'LL TAKE A QUARTER.

- I'LL TAKE AN EIGHTH.

LET'S TAKE 5/16ths

AND SPLIT IT THREE WAYS.

I'M ONLY THE JUDGE HERE,

BUT WILL SOMEBODY LET ME IN

ON THE SIGNIFICANCE

OF THIS TESTIMONY?

WHAT HENRY SAYS IS TRUE,

YOUR HONOR.

WE GOT MISS THATCHER LET GO

IN TRADE FOR SOME STOCK,

BUT WE MEANT WELL.

OH, HENRY.

HENRY!

[ SPECTATORS MURMURING ]

WITNESSES WILL REFRAIN

FROM HUGGING AND KISSING.

OH, Y-YOUR HONOR, MR. TYROON

SHOULDN'T BE A DEFENDANT.

I WAS THE ONE:

WHO WANTED TO SELL WIDGET,

AND I DIDN'T MUCH CARE

HOW I DID IT.

PRESUMABLY NOT, YOUNG LADY.

TRADING IN THIS STOCK STOPPED

WHEN IT REACHED ITS PEAK.

EVERYONE HAS SOLD IT SO FAR

AS A PROFIT.

WHAT ABOUT THE INNOCENT PEOPLE

WHO ARE STILL HOLDING IT?

WE WHIPPLES HOLD 48%.

ALWAYS HAVE:

AND ALWAYS WILL.

WE HOLD ANOTHER 48%,

YOUR HONOR.

WE FIGURED AS LONG

AS HENRY WAS INTERESTED,

- THERE JUST HAD TO BE A REASON.

- YES, SIR.

YOU BOUGHT THIS STOCK

FROM EVERYBODY?

THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR HONOR.

GUESS OUR 48% AND MR. WHIPPLE'S

48% MAKES US PARTNERS.

HOWDY, PARTNER.

NOW, YOU STOP THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THERE'S STILL

4% STOCK OUTSTANDING.

SOON AS I GET IT,

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO TALK

ABOUT PARTNERSHIPS FROM YOU,

Y-YOU... COWBOY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, NOW, THE FACT IS,

YOUR HONOR,

I HAVE THE OTHER 4%.

NOW, IF MR. WHIPPLE THERE

IS INTERESTED IN PURCHASING

MY PERCENTAGE,

WHICH REPRESENTS

THE BALANCE OF POWER --

LET ME SEE NOW.

$1.2 MILLION, PAINTINGS,

THE RESTAURANT...

I DON'T THINK

A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS

IS ASKING TOO MUCH, IS IT?

SINCE THIS SITUATION HAS REMOVED

THE STOCK FROM PUBLIC OWNERSHIP,

THIS COURT NOW CONSIDERS

THAT THE CASE:

IS BEYOND THE JURISDICTION

OF THE FEDERAL SECURITIES

COMMISSION.

CASE DISMISSED.

[ SPECTATORS MURMURING ]

KISS NOW.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

AFTERNOON, MISS THATCHER.

HOWDY, PARTNER.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY BOY.

THANK YOU, MR. BEAR.

HENRY, I'LL TAKE

A FOURTH OF THE ACTION.

AND I'LL TAKE THREE-FOURTHS

OF HIS FOURTH.

FIGURE ME IN FOR A FIFTH,

AND I'LL LOAN YOU MY HELICOPTER.

NO DICE, BOYS.

THIS IS A PRIVATE CORPORATION.

HERE COME THE:

WHEELER DEALERS:

WHEELER DEALERS:

HIGHFALUTIN LOCAL YOKELS

DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH

FANCY-DANCING CITY SLICKERS

AIN'T THAT A BIG DEAL?

YEAH, LONG AS WE GOT MONEY,

THAT'S ENOUGH

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