The Wheeler Dealers Page #2

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TO EXPORT JAPANESE CAMERAS

TO JAPAN.

I DIDN'T MAKE BEANS

ON THAT DEAL.

OH, BUT WHEN WE IMPORTED THEM

AGAIN, YOU MADE A KILLING, HUH?

AND YOU, ACHILLES.

OF ALL PEOPLE TO HOLD OUT ON ME.

WHEN WE HAD:

THOSE TANKER CHARTERS

AND THEY BOTTLED OUR SHIPS UP

IN THE SUEZ,

WHO WAS IT THAT SWAPPED

ALL THAT NAIL-POLISH REMOVER

FOR SIX MORE TANKERS

TO MEET OUR COMMITMENTS?

THAT I LIKED.

THAT WAS COMPLICATED.

YEAH.

JUST REMEMBER, BOYS.

NOBODY WHO HAS EVER

SOLD ME SHOR HAS COME OU AHEAD OF THE GAME YET.

NOW, I WANT $100,000 FROM EACH

OF YOU, AND I WANT IT NOW.

Len:
WELL...

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN

A PERCENTAGE PLAYER, HENRY.

COUNT ME IN.

I'LL GO ALONG

FOR THE RIDE.

IT'S AGAINS MY BETTER JUDGMENT...

BUT I MADE A LOT OF MONEY

AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT.

THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.

- OKAY, BOY.

- RIGHTO.

Bear:
LET'S GET TO

THAT LIST, WHITBY.

HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE.

IT'S EVERY STOCK THAT OSGOOD

BOUGHT BEFORE HE PASSED ON.

UM, MEGLO MANITOBA

IRON ORE.

HE BOUGHT IT IN 1951

FOR $3 A SHARE.

WHERE IS IT NOW?

A 61-CENT BID.

GREAT EASTERN OFFSHORE OIL,

COST $14...

SIX-CENT BID.

YOU MEAN WE HAVEN'T UNLOADED

THAT YET?

WELL, IT TAKE'S A WHILE TO

UNLOAD THE REAL DOGS, BULLARD.

MY BOY, SOMEWHERE IN

THIS VAST, VERDANT,

EVER-GROWING NATION OF OURS

MUST BE SOME PEOPLE

STUPID ENOUGH:

TO BUY GREAT EASTERN

OFFSHORE OIL.

FIND THEM.

YES, SIR.

HERE'S ANOTHER REAL DOG,

BULLARD --

UNIVERSAL WIDGET.

DOESN'T SAY WHEN OSGOOD

BOUGHT IT.

DOESN'T SAY FOR HOW MUCH.

WE'VE HAD IT FOR A LONG TIME.

I-I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND OU ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WELL, WRITE IT UP

IN OUR NEXT STOCK LETTER.

POINT OUT THAT INDUSTRY

IS GROWING:

INCREASINGLY:

WIDGET-CONSCIOUS.

WHAT IS A WIDGET, BULLARD?

I DON'T KNOW.

ASK INDUSTRY.

HERE'S A HAPPIER ITEM.

REACTOR ENGINES.

HE BOUGHT IT FOR FIVE CENTS

SIX YEARS AGO,

SOLD IT YESTERDAY

FOR $61.

[ CHUCKLES ] $61, EH?

THAT SHREWD OLD FOX.

WELL, THAT'S THE LIST.

WE'RE STILL IN THE RED WHILE

EVERYONE ELSE IS CLEANING UP.

ECONOMY --

THAT'S THE ANSWER.

WE JUST GOT TO TRIM OFF

SOME OF THE FAT.

NO MORE LONG-DISTANCE

PHONE CALLS.

TELL YOUR PALS AT THE CLUB

TO PICK UP SOME LUNCHEON CHECKS.

LAST MAN OUT AT NIGH HAS TO MAKE SURE

THAT HE TURNS OU ALL THE LIGHTS.

CANCEL THE LINEN SERVICE.

WE'LL GET PAPER TOWELS --

YOU KNOW, THE KIND THAT COME OU ONE SHEET AT A TIME.

TELL THE MEN TO BLOT,

NOT RUB.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT,

BULLARD.

AND WE'VE GOT TO

LET SOMEBODY GO.

BUT WE NEED EVERYBODY,

BULLARD.

YOU NEVER NEED EVERYBODY.

BUT IF WE LET ANY OF THE BOYS

GO, THERE'LL BE TALK.

RIGHT, IF WE LE ANY OF THE BOYS GO.

BUT, UH,

WHAT ABOUT OUR GIRL?

WELL, THE GIRL SEEMS TO BE

DOING PRETTY WELL --

A LOT OF BRIGHT IDEAS,

A LOT OF ENERGY.

IT'S KIND OF UNUSUAL

AROUND HERE.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THAT'S ONE WAY WE CAN CU EXPENSES WITHOUT CAUSING TALK.

BESIDES, EVERYBODY KNOWS

THAT TAKING ON THAT GIRL

WAS JUST AN EXPERIMENT.

WE'VE GOT TO HAVE A REASON.

LET HER TRY MOVING

ONE OF THOSE DOGS,

LIKE THAT WIDGET THING,

FOR INSTANCE.

THERE'S YOUR REASON.

WHERE'S SHE GOING?

HER LUNCH CLUB, I THINK.

WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED

TO HAVE LUNCH CLUB.

WE GOT TO KEEP THEM OFF BALANCE,

DISORGANIZED,

CLAWING AND SCRATCHING

AT EACH OTHER.

OTHERWISE, THEY MIGHT TURN ON US

LIKE MAD DOGS.

AND SO YOU SEE, LADIES,

MANY THINGS ARE MADE OF STEEL --

BRIGHT, SHINING, FAITHFUL STEEL

THAT YOU USE IN YOUR KITCHENS

AT HOME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NOW, I WANT TO LEAVE YOU

WITH AN INTERESTING STATISTIC

CONCERNING A SMALL THING OF

SPECIAL IMPORTANCE TO WOMEN --

THE BOBBY PIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ GROANING ]

NOW, THE VALUE

OF THE AMOUNT OF STEEL

THAT GOES INTO:

ONE YEAR'S PRODUCTION

OF THE AMERICAN BOBBY PIN

IS GREATER:

THAN THE NATIONAL INCOME

OF MANY FAR EASTERN

AND SOUTH AMERICAN NATIONS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO IS IT ANY WONDER, THEN,

THAT WE OF THE INDUSTRY

ARE PROUD?

THANK YOU, LADIES,

FOR YOUR ATTENTION.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?

MR. WILSON,

IT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU

TO EXPLAIN TO US

HOW SHINY STEEL IS,

BUT WE WOULD LIKE

SOME HARD FACTS AND FIGURES.

FOR INSTANCE,

HOW WILL EARNINGS PER SHARE

BE AFFECTED:

BY THE FRINGE BENEFITS

IN SECTION 17

OF THE RECENT UNION CONTRACT?

WELL, YOUNG LADY, WE'D HAVE TO

TAKE OUT OUR PENCILS

AND SHARPEN THEM

TO ANSWER THAT ONE, WOULDN'T WE?

[ CHUCKLES ]

SAY YOU RAISED:

IRON BILLET PRICES 5%.

WHAT EFFECT WOULD

FOREIGN COMPETITION HAVE

CONSIDERING:

FREIGHT COSTS?

WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING

THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE DETERMINED

COOLLY, LOGICALLY,

AND WITH THE BEST INTEREST OF

THE AMERICAN CONSUMER AT HEART.

BUT WHAT WOULD:

THE FIGURES BE?

OH, BUT I SEE THAT I'M OVERDUE

AT MY OFFICE NOW,

SO I MUST BID ALL YOU

CHARMING LADIES ADIEU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING,

MR. WILSON.

JERUSALEM STEEL HAS BEEN

DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU LADIES.

YOU'RE UPPERMOS IN OUR THOUGHTS.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

OH, WHAT'S THE USE?

THEY TREAT US LIKE SECRETARIES

AND HOUSEWIVES --

JUST WOMEN.

INSULTING.

ABSOLUTELY INSULTING.

DID YOU GET THAT BI ABOUT THE KITCHEN?

AND THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE

SMARTER THAN WE ARE.

THAT'S A LAUGH.

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE

TAKE US SERIOUSLY?

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE THEY DON'T THINK WOMEN

HAVE A PLACE ON WALL STREET,

AND WE HAVE.

THEY WON'T LET US JOIN THE

SOCIETY OF SECURITY ANALYSTS.

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

THEY WON'T LET US ON THE FLOOR

OF THE STOCK EXCHANGE.

THEY SAY WE'RE TOO EMOTIONAL

FOR SECURITIES,

WE HAVE NO HEAD FOR FIGURES,

BUT OUR DAY IS COMING!

WE'LL SHOW THEM!

WE HAVE RIGHTS!

AND WE'RE NOT EMOTIONAL,

AND WE'RE NOT EXCITABLE!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING,

SILVERWARE CLINKING ]

YOU DESERVE A SHOT AT SOMETHING

REALLY BIG, THATCHER.

OF COURSE, I'LL ADMI I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS

WHEN YOU FIRS CAME WITH US.

BUT NOW WE'VE ALL COME TO THINK

OF YOU AS ONE OF THE BOYS.

WELL, THANK YOU,

MR. BEAR.

AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO

GIVE YOU A CHANCE

TO SHOW YOUR REAL STUFF,

REAL SALESMANSHIP.

WE'VE ACQUIRED A LITTLE GEM

CALLED UNIVERSAL WIDGET,

AND WE THINK THE PUBLIC

OUGHT TO SHARE:

IN THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY.

OF COURSE, YOU UNDERSTAND

THE EVER-INCREASINGLY

DOMINANT ROLE:

THAT WIDGETS PLAY

IN OUR NATIONAL ECONOMY.

OH, CERTAINLY, MR. BEAR.

I'LL START ON IT RIGHT AWAY.

THAT'S MY BOY.

WIDGETS... WIDGETS...

WIDGETS.

AH! HERE WE ARE.

UNIVERSAL WIDGET,

WHIPPLETON, MASSACHUSETTS.

FOUNDED 1844.

THE PRESIDENT,

THADDEUS WHIPPLE.

DIRECTORS LEMUEL WHIPPLE,

NEAHMIAH WHIPPLE, ISAAC WHIPPLE.

NO ANNUAL MEETING

AND NO FIGURES REPORTED

SINCE 1894.

OH, BOY.

IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

Henry:
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

I'D APPRECIATE I IF YOU COULD DIRECT ME

TO THE OFFICE:

OF MR. BULLARD BEAR.

OH, UH...

THATAWAY?

FIRST DOOR THERE.

MUCH OBLIGED.

I HOPE YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

FOR THE FORWARDNESS OF THE

REMARK I'M ABOUT TO MAKE, MA'AM,

BUT SURPRISE BECOMES YOU.

MAKES YOUR EYES:

REAL PRETTY BLUE,

LIKE A PRAIRIE FLOWER,

SORT OF.

[ SIGHS ]

DID I HEAR WRONG, OR DID THA MAN ACTUALLY SAY "THATAWAY"?

THATAWAY?

THATAWAY.

Henry:
NOW, WITH ALL THE MONEY

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