The Wilde Wedding Page #7

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with your Legends of the AARP vine.

Hey.

I'm so sorry.

RORY:
You know what?

When it comes to apologizing

for parents who behave badly,

we are a family of world champs.

- Thank you.

- Sure.

I did not expect this weekend

to pan out like this.

No.

How is everybody?

Rose and Saffron aren't speaking.

I don't think they ever will again.

That bad, huh?

Well, not until they both coincidentally

have teenage children

in rehab in Minnesota.

How about you?

I think I'm done trying to worry

everyone into making the right decision.

They always make the same stupid

decision they were going to anyway.

I think it's my turn

to make a stupid decision, actually.

- I'm sorry. That was really stupid.

- No, no, no, no.

I can be way more stupid than that.

So how did you see this weekend

panning out?

- Well, kind of like this.

- (CHUCKLES)

And what gave you that impression?

How we chop mint.

We've got the same taste in music.

That is important.

Yes, it is.

And you got a whole lot of new material

for your next novel.

Yeah, masses.

You know what I think?

I think you should stay in New York

and do a little research

on some of the American characters.

Well, I can think of one.

OK.

But I'm a little worried

that he wants to eat me

with some fava beans and nice chianti.

RORY:
Look, I think

I ought to tell you something.

You don't have to say goodbye.

Just jump in the car.

HAROLD:
It's great to see you.

- Thank you so much.

- Bye.

Bye. Bye.

I have a lot of answering to do,

to all of you, and I will.

But for now I want you to know

that I'm so sorry

for having let you all down.

But I promise you,

we will get over this

and we will move forward, together.

Yeah, right, Dad.

- I'm stopping off in New York.

- What?

Probably gonna stay for a few months.

- You two are on your own.

- No, Clemmie.

You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

Mom, if you sleep with your friend,

does it ruin the friendship?

- Oh. Well, it never did for me.

- Really?

Yeah, but I can count my real friends

on one hand.

I mean, actually,

I don't even need one hand.

You know, the important part is not

working on staying friends afterwards.

That's what ruins it.

But you don't have to worry about that.

You're gonna have kids with 15 fingers.

- Way bigger things to worry about.

- Oh, my God.

- Giant gloves.

- That's not...

- Maybe mittens. That's better, right?

- That's not even funny.

Alright.

- I'm a good mommy.

- Yeah.

- I gotta go.

- Why?

I gotta go call Sam's dad.

OK.

Oh, God.

I'm gonna have to say something.

I'll do it.

Hello, everyone.

I have an announcement to make.

After much deliberation and mature

reflection by the parties in question,

it has been mutually decided

that the advertised wedding

will not be going forward.

Now, I know that's a disappointment

to everyone, but look at it this way.

(BRITISH ACCENT) At least we won't

have to have pasta after the ballet.

Too soon. Very well.

Uh, boys.

Boys, if you would,

a clever and imaginative toast, please?

To calling it off?

Well done.

To Eve and Harold for calling it off.

- Cheers.

- To Eve and Harold for calling it off.

However, Judge McCaffery is here.

Everything is set up.

Why not take advantage?

So would anyone

like to get married today?

Anybody at all? It's all on us.

Actually, it's on Eve,

because I'm incredibly cheap.

Anybody?

No, OK. Well, I have a suggestion.

Eve?

Eve, show yourself.

(APPLAUSE)

My dear, before another marriage

ends in divorce or death,

why don't we just cut to the chase

and tie the knot?

(GASPING)

What?

I mean, if there is somebody else

you'd like to marry first,

before you remarry me, that's fine.

- Boys, what do you think?

- You're on your own here, Dad.

- I definitely wanna hear this.

- Mom, it's Dad, so a prenup is a must.

Thanks, kids. You're out of the will.

(CHUCKLING)

Eve, I've done some stupid things

in my life.

But that was actually

the younger, dumber me.

I remember him well.

LAURENCE:
I constantly hear people say

they're looking for the person

they wanna grow old with.

But we're here, now,

living it right now.

I wanna grow old with you.

I wanna spend

the rest of my life with you.

Will you be my wife?

Will you marry me?

Again?

Yes.

Come on down here.

I do.

Then I pronounce you man and wife.

All in all, I would have to say

it was one of Eve's

more entertaining family get-togethers.

Laughter, tears, love and sex.

Who could quibble?

Do you know where your grandmother is?

Sorry. One second. I'll be right back.

I just wanted to show her something.

And could you cut the "grandmother" bit?

Otherwise it's...

Actors.

(PIANO INTRO)

PRISCILLA:

I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste

A flannel for my face

Pajamas, a hairbrush

New shoes and a case

I said to my reflection

Let's get out of this place

Past the church and the steeple

The laundry on the hill

The billboards and the buildings

Memories of it still

Keep calling and calling

But forget it all

I know I will

Tempted by the fruit of another

Tempted but the truth is discovered

What's been going on

Now that you have gone

There's no other

Tempted by the fruit of another

Tempted but the truth is discovered...

MACKENZIE:
Look at them,

standing around the piano like

they're singing "The Circle of Life"

when they're actually

singing a song about cheating.

See? I told you.

When it comes to my family,

love is just one big mystery.

Now that you have gone

There's no other

Tempted by the fruit of another

SQUEEZE:

Tempted but the truth is discovered

Well, I was tempted

by the fruit of another

Tempted but the truth is discovered

Tempted by the fruit of another

Tempted but the truth is discovered

Tempted by the fruit of another

Tempted but the truth is discovered

Now what's been going on

Wait for it.

Wait.

Going.

Going.

Gone.

Almost dark.

There.

We, we are the ones who love you

We are the ones who hurt you

We are the ones who heal you

I, I wanna see into the shadows

I can take a bit of madness

It's lucky 'cause we've seen a lot

I never said that this was organized

And I never said that we'd be fine

But I know I loved you

throughout all these years

And with you this chaos seems divine

So let's hear it for the mothers

Sisters, dads and brothers

We're all in the same old mess

I, I don't wanna see into the future

'Cause I'm OK if I can reach you

And I'll take that above all else

I never said that this was organized

I never said that we'd be fine

But I know I loved you

throughout all these years

And with you this chaos seems divine

I never said that this was organized

I never said that we'd be fine

But I know I loved you

throughout all these years

And with you this chaos seems divine

I never said that this was organized

And I never said that we'd be fine

But I know I loved you

throughout all these years

And with you this chaos seems divine

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