The Witches of Eastwick Page #3

for a lovely lunch.

If that's the way you feel about it...

that's the way you feel about it.

Is that the way you feel about it?

Who are you?

Just your...

average horny little devil.

I have to get home.

What have you got to go home to?

There isn't anybody there, is there?

The kid will take care of herself.

She'll eat and fall asleep

on the bed doing homework.

I promise.

And housecleaning?

You clean up the dirt,

there's just more dirt tomorrow.

Make the beds, they just

have to be made tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.

There's more to wash tomorrow.

- I have to make...

- Make dinner?

It just gets eaten.

You've done your best, Alex.

You've done the wife bit,

the motherhood bit.

The car pools, the vegetable garden...

the needlepoint,

the macrame potholders...

a cup of coffee with

a neighbor in the morning...

a couple of drinks,

a couple of pills...

a little psychoanalysis...

Where are you now, Alex?

Exactly where I want to be

and I'm doing fine.

Pretending to be somebody else?

To be half of what you are?

How long can you last like that?

The world keeps growing,

and you feed it.

But it doesn't feed you, does it?

It washes through you,

down the drain, wasted.

A woman is a hole,

isn't that what they say?

All the futility of the world

pouring into her.

Hmm?

How much can you take, Alex?

How much can you take...

before you snap?

Lying on your bed,

looking at the ceiling...

waiting for something to happen.

And knowing all the time that you

were meant for something better.

Feeling it.

Wanting it.

Use me, Alex.

Use me.

Fill me up. I can take it.

Make it happen. Don't wait.

Time is the killer.

Make it happen.

Do it, Alex.

Do it now.

You know...

You sit there in that...

pathetic excuse of an office...

reporting gossip...

while under your very nose...

evil...

is doing its worst.

You have no spine, Clyde.

Not one ounce...

of morality.

Christ!

Even common sense.

Nuclear holocaust.

Murder.

Rape. Apartheid!

Why, these words mean nothing to you.

It's just a local newspaper.

It is local turpitude.

You are a failure, Clyde!

You should be strung up...

along with that son of a b*tch

who bought that house!

Call the nurse!

I am in pain!

- Then take the pill.

- I don't want to.

I'm not going to force it on you.

Is it Alzheimer's?

No. It's the bone marrow.

When a bone breaks...

bits of fat get in the bloodstream

and the blood vessels of the brain.

It affects the behavior.

She's hysterical. She says things that

I don't know where they're coming from.

It's bone marrow?

Yes. She'll be very upset.

She'll say terrible things.

She may even be paranoid.

It is perfectly normal. It will pass.

What's happening to me, Clyde?

It's all right, sweetheart.

I open my mouth and

the strangest things come out.

You've had a hard time

and you're tired. Try to sleep.

Something is inside me, Clyde.

Something is crawling inside me.

I can feel it.

Something evil.

It's almost here.

Hi.

You!

In there!

Jane.

At last we meet.

Daryl Van Horne.

Cream and sugar?

Sugar

- One lump or two?

- Four

- Sweet tooth.

- Sweet everything.

I'm a sugar junkie.

Sugar, chocolate, Coca-Cola...

Uncontrollable appetite.

In every department.

That's not good for you.

It doesn't bother me.

I have a supernatural constitution.

It's genetic.

I don't hold on

this health consciousness sh*t.

Pardon the language.

I see guys, 60...

70, breaking their balls...

to stay fit. What for?

When I die, I want to be sick,

not healthy.

I suppose that's one way

of looking at it.

Oh.

Do I make you nervous?

Yes, you do.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I said that.

Truth is best.

Yes, that's so true.

So what brings you to Eastwick?

Ah.

We're going to have

a polite conversation.

I'm sorry.

No, I don't mind.

I came to Eastwick

because I was drawn here.

I needed a place to settle down and...

I liked the house.

It has a history.

Rubbish.

No, it's true.

They say they used

to burn witches there.

Hocus-pocus.

The entire witchcraft scare...

as far back as the 14th century,

was started by the medical profession.

That's right.

They were trying to get midwives

out of the child-birthing business.

That's what most of the women

they burned were. Midwives.

Is that true?

You better believe it.

Just another example of

male-dominated professional society...

exploiting females

for their own selfish purposes.

Men are such cocksuckers, aren't they?

You don't have to answer that.

It's true.

Their d*cks get limp...

when confronted by a powerful woman,

so what do they do?

Call them witches.

Burn them, torture them...

until every woman is afraid.

Afraid of herself...

afraid of men.

And all for what?

Fear of losing their hard-on.

Let's play some music.

Mm.

You play beautifully.

Nothing compared to you.

You're an artist.

Intonation.

Vibrato. Stretch.

You think I'm crazy, but I know music.

It's the one thing that makes me humble.

Not prissy? Our leader says

my intonation is prissy.

You have precision.

Precision is not prissy.

Precision is the foundation of passion.

Passion without precision? Chaos.

Look at your thumb.

Your sublime thumb position.

You really keep the pressure on.

Most men can't, but you...

You have the most beautiful callus.

This hand.

This is your failure.

Your bowing sucks.

My bowing? Why?

Your spiccato sounds like marcato.

Your legato like dtach.

You kill the passion. Let it go.

Why are you holding back?

These aren't just notes

you're playing...

they're phrases. Human outcries.

I understand that! And I practice!

I practice until my fingers bleed!

I know.

It's the sixteenth notes in the allegro.

I can't do it!

Yes, you can.

It's no good.

I don't have it.

I can't do it.

- Yes, you can.

- No, I can't, I can't.

Trust me.

Trust me.

Try.

Try.

Let it go. Don't be afraid.

You have great passion in you.

Let it out.

I can take it.

I want it.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, that's it.

Relax. Just breathe into it.

Don't tighten up. That's it.

Feel it. Hold it. Love it.

That's it, yes.

Yes, that's right. Now!

That's right. Do you feel that?

Let it wash over you.

Let it tickle you.

Did you miss me?

- Yes.

- Good. I missed you too.

- Like my new top?

- Yeah, it's cute.

Do you want to listen to some tapes?

Alex! Yoo-hoo.

I'm out here!

- Let's go.

- What is that?

We're going to be late.

Carol, the number is on the fridge!

- But you're not dressed.

- I'm not naked.

- I don't believe it!

- Neither do I!

But I swear to God,

I couldn't walk for two days.

His penis is amazing.

It bends the wrong way.

The wrong...? Wait a minute!

It bends like that!

- You're terrible.

- No, I'm fabulous.

But just because you went

to bed with him...

No, it's not just that!

It's like he knows me.

He knows everything!

I can't wait for you to meet him.

And I can't wait for Jane to meet him!

Jane will love him!

Jane?

Is that you?

Sukie. Alexandra.

Did you come to fix the plumbing?

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