The Young Offenders Page #8

And no more bicycles.

Jock had his day in court

for stealing bikes.

He was given

a suspended sentence

because of

his abusive upbringing

and was placed into foster care.

And guess who became

a foster parent -

with great reluctance,

I might add.

That's some useless bollocks.

Look.

You on the jammy rag or what?

It was nice

that she had someone else

to yell at other than me

for a change.

- I'm your son now.

- You're not my son!

- I am your son.

- I didn't adopt you.

- I love you.

- Oh, my God.

Billy Murphy

found himself back in prison.

- Did you find your man?

- This time for attempted murder

so we won't be seeing him

for a while.

Mam visited the local butcher

and finally got

her gammy tooth sorted.

Oh, I don't envy that fella.

As for me...

Alright, this mackerel here

came from over that hill

and only took 20 minutes

to get here.

- That's how fresh it is.

- Alright. Go on. Give me four.

So what else are you selling

that's local?

You're looking at it, but.

Sure I can get that for free.

Where one treasure hunt

ends, another one begins.

We've got other stuff too, like.

You interested?

- Alright. Go on.

- This is an oyster.

A delicacy really.

People call me the oyster

of the land because, you know,

my hard exterior and soft,

emotional interior, do you know?

Pulling that sh*t again?

"You're looking at it."

At least he's not

a f***ing streak of misery.

A streak of misery?

Hrrrgh.

- Is that how I look?

- Yeah.

Excuse me.

You want a fish, dear? Hrrnggh?

- Is that what I'm like?

- Shut up.

My brother knows Karl Marx

He met him eating mushrooms

in the People's Park

He said, "What do you think

about my manifesto?"

I like a manifesto

Put it to the test-o

Took him straight down

to meet the Anarchist Party

I met a groovy guy

He was arty-farty

He said, "I know a little

Latin - manicus manicae"

I said,

"I don't know what it means"

He said, "Neither do I"

Eat natural food

Bathe twice daily

Fill your nostrils

up with gravy

Don't drink tea

and don't drink coffee

Cover your chin

in Yorkshire toffee

Dancing in the disco

bumper to bumper

Wait a minute

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Dancing in the disco

bumper to bumper

Wait a minute

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Oh, no

Dancing in the disco

Go, go, go

Dancing in the disco

Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no

Dancing in the disco

Go, go, go

Dancing in the disco

Oh, no, oh, no

It's alright to say,

"Things can only get better"

You haven't lost

your brand-new sweater

I know I had it on

when I had my tea

And I'm sure I had it on

in the lavatory

Oh, no

Dancing in the disco

Go, go, go

Dancing in the disco

Oh, no, oh, no

Dancing in the disco

bumper to bumper

Wait a minute

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

It's alright to say,

"Things can only get better"

You haven't lost

your brand-new sweater

Pure new wool

and perfect stitches

Not the type of jumper

that makes you itches

Oh, no

Dancing in the disco

Go, go, go

Dancing in the disco

Oh, no, oh, no

And my mother

will be so, so angry

And my brother

will be so, so angry

And my girlfriend

will be so, so angry

And my dog

will be so, so angry

'Cause I was dancing

at the disco, bumper to bumper

Wait a minute

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Where's me jumper?

Oh, no.

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