The Zero Theorem Page #3

---

- What?

- If target timetable is attainable,

press one. If not, ent...

Please enter number of minutes

needed for target overruns.

One moment, please.

Management have authorised

- a 60-minute overrun.

- No, that...

- Goodbye, Mr. Leth.

- That's nothing... No.

We can finish this session

another time, Qohen.

- I think you'd better get back to work.

- These entities refuse

to remain crunched.

Each has its own meaning,

but that changes

- depending on the following.

- Qohen.

- Which then changes

- Deep breath.

- depending on the meaning of...

- Deep breath in and out.

Deep breath in...

- and out.

- All we want is our call.

Yes, your call.

We'll complete this

session another time.

()

LIPS:
Hello, Qohen Leth.

This is a courtesy call.

Your next instalment of

processed data is due...

Hello, Qohen Leth.

This is a courtesy call.

Your next instalment of processed

data is due for upload in one hour.

Hello, Qohen Leth.

BAINSLEY:

Are you an entity process?

Have you tried them?

You should try herbs.

I'm happy with herbs.

Way happy.

They should put them in the

drinking water. Ha-ha-ha.

Black fluoride. Ha-ha-ha.

Are you here alone?

(UPBEAT PARTY MUSIC

PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

We are generally everywhere alone.

I love mystery.

Turns me on.

Well, you don't know me

and I don't know you.

No.

- I'm the neighbour.

- Mm-hm.

There's always a neighbour

at this kind of party.

Care to come to my place?

We'd only disappoint you as

we have countless others.

(GASPS)

That's the best line

I've heard all night.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

We must leave now.

Hey, wait.

Wait.

Don't say no.

Just think about it.

If it's not now, some other time.

Just have to call me.

LIPS:
Goodbye, Mr. Leth. Goodbye,

Mr. Leth. Goodbye, Mr. Leth.

Oh!

(GROANS)

Next instalment of processed data

is due for upload in one hour.

If the target timetable

is attainable, press one.

If not, enter what is

needed for target overrun.

Please enter the number of minutes

needed for target overrun.

Zero must equal 100 percent.

(MUMBLING)

Zero must equal 100 percent.

(BEEPING)

Go like this.

Ha-ha-ha. Sideways

walks the crab, and...

()

(MUTTERING)

Ha-ha-ha, oh!

No. No.

(SIGHS)

Come on.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no!

(PHONE RINGS)

- What? Not now.

- LIPS:
Processed data is due for upload.

Please enter number of minutes

needed for target overrun.

That timetable is not authorised.

Please enter the estimated number.

- Please enter the estimated number.

- Shut up. Shut up.

That timetable is not authorised.

(PHONE RINGING)

- Please enter the estimated number.

- I'm gonna catch them.

That timetable is not authorised.

Please enter the estimated number.

That timetable is not authorised.

Please enter the estimated number.

- No.

- SHRINK-ROM:
Deep breaths, Qohen.

- Not you. No, we won't breathe!

- Deep breaths, remember?

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

And you too!

No!

(INAUDIBLE)

(INTERCOM BUZZING)

Hello?

JOBY:
Management says

you've got a problem.

(SIGHS)

(SHOOING)

(KNOCKING)

Quinn, you tortured little slut,

that is. Been a long time.

How are you? Still dying, I see.

- What are you doing here?

- Field work.

I love it. Gets me out of the office

into a snappy uniform. Ha, ha.

(SHOOING)

You could use a

woman's touch, Quinn.

Eh...

Ah. Management can't

get through to you.

What's the story?

At present, we have difficulty

maintaining our upload schedule.

The entities are

behaving very strangely.

Yeah.

Personnel meltdown.

I've seen plenty of it.

I'd pull you off the pitch

but Management wants to

give you another chance.

Don't ask me why.

Ooh.

Phone trouble, was it?

Tried to fix it yourself, did you?

(LAUGHS)

()

Wrong tool for the job.

Ball-peen's more for hammering

out dents in sheet metal,

not for close tolerance

phone repair.

It's all about connections, Quinn.

Wires, wireless, weaving

a World Wide Web.

Can't get anything if

you're disconnected.

Voil.

Tell you what, this manual

work's giving me a thirst.

You've not got a beer for

a working man, have you?

We have tap water.

Yum-yum.

(FLY BUZZING)

Thank you.

(SIGHS)

I miss you, Quinn.

Supervisors don't

make many friends.

- You consider us a friend?

- Yeah, of course I do.

Of course I do.

So, what's the real problem?

The zero theorem is unproveable.

()

We still haven't

received our phone call.

You don't trust Management.

Nothing adds up.

No, you got it backwards. Everything

adds up to nothing, that's the point.

- What's the point?

- Exactly. What's the point of anything?

You've got a case of the

zero theorem heebie-jeebies.

Don't you think working

sucked the soul out of me?

Bet your big bald buns, it did.

I was nowhere near where you are.

You're knocking on the door, Quinn.

No wonder you're stressed.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Do you really have no

idea what you're doing?

We don't care. All we

care about is our call.

Could you inform Management we

want our call and we want it now?

Yes, yes, yes, God, talk

about tunnel vision.

You'll get your call.

You're a bundle of nerves.

You can't work like this.

You're not gonna get that call of

yours all wound up tight like this.

I've got a friend who

might be able to help.

- You said you didn't have any friends.

- Ouch, Quinn, ouch. That hurts.

It's Qohen.

Q, no U, O-H-E-N.

All right. No need to

spell it out, man.

I've got the picture.

Let Joby handle it.

()

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

- Yes?

- BAINSLEY:
Mr. Leth?

Qohen Leth?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Surprise.

Bainsley.

I waited.

You never called.

Oh, you poor thing.

Joby's right, you need me.

You're Mr. Joby's friend?

Well, Joby doesn't

have any friends.

I feel so, so holy,

going to the chapel of love.

We prefer not to be touched.

The rent must be outrageous.

Actually, we own the building.

We bought it from an insurance

company some years ago.

There'd been extensive fire damage.

The previous occupants were

an order of monastic monks

who've sworn vows of chastity...

poverty and silence.

Apparently, no one broke

the silence to yell fire.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

And what do we have here?

Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

Goodness me.

What other surprises

do you have for me?

That was a gift from...

Shh.

()

You have...

the most intriguing bone structure.

So polished.

So, so pure.

Ahh. So pure.

Hey, a mighty big hard

drive you got here.

What work do you do exactly?

Well, I shoot trouble.

Mr. Joby seemed to think

- that you might help us get our call?

- Yeah.

Yeah, he mentioned the call thing.

You're staring at me.

- We're terribly sorry.

- Ahh!

(WHIMPERING)

I just broke a nail.

- On your big, fat, stupid keyboard.

- We'll get our first aid kit.

- Would you please just kiss it.

- Excuse us?

Whenever I hurt myself,

my daddy would kiss it

and make it all better.

- Well, we fail to see how...

- Please.

You call that a kiss?

()

There.

All better?

SHRINK-ROM (OVER MONITOR):

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes