The Zero Theorem Page #7

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...reaches out to that special you.

()

They'll never get it up.

(LAUGHING)

A little tail would make that thing

more aerodynamically active.

GIRL:
Ready? One, two, three.

You ever have a girlfriend?

Yeah, we had a girlfriend

when we were your age.

We spent every possible

moment with our long walks,

movies, lying in the backyard

staring up at the stars

until her parents called

her in, sent us home.

Very much in love with

her, as we recall.

What ever happened to her?

We married her, she

eventually divorced us

and we never saw her again.

Thanks for that happy,

hopeful little parable.

I can hardly wait for my

own first divorce. Heh.

- GIRL:
Yeah, more, more. That's it, yeah.

- I don't know any girls my age.

Seems like getting old

would be pretty boring.

Old people, they just... They do the

same thing day after day after day.

Like listening to the same

song over and over and over.

Yeah, maybe it's a good song.

Maybe. After a while, it gets old.

- KIDS:
Ah!

- Get out of here. Go.

You know, I'm 15.

I'm 15 and already tons of

stuff bores me to death.

Think about what will happen

when I get as old as you.

I'm about to crash.

I need some food.

Do us a couple of dogs, Q?

A couple of wieners for

a couple of weenies.

- Can we have some relish on ours?

- Of course. You got it.

You know, I just met her,

but I really miss Bainsley.

Must be killing you,

losing a doll like that.

Sorry, man. I'm going.

()

BAINSLEY:
Just come with me.

We connected.

You need me.

And I need to be needed so bad.

(BEEPING)

What's the matter? Just realising what

a jerk you were dumping Bainsley?

I'm just thinking...

Did I just hear what

I think I heard?

I told you. I've

been working on it.

That's what I like about you, man.

You're not too old a dog

to learn new tricks.

(GROANING AND GRUNTING)

- What's wrong?

- I'm just dizzy. I'm dizzy.

Just a little dizzy.

You're burning up.

Happens when I don't sleep.

Not a big deal.

- You need medical attention.

- Just get me aspirin

and run me a cool bath.

I feel better already.

I just need some sleep.

Bob?

Bob?

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

()

(GRUNTING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(PIGEON SQUAWKING)

(DEVICE RINGING)

(GRUNTS)

Unh!

(GROANING)

()

(GRUNTING)

(SQUEAKING)

I... No.

I don't wanna take...

I knew nothing.

(PIGEON COOING)

(THUMPING AND BANGING)

Ow.

(GROANING)

(THUMP)

Unh!

You have made a very big mistake.

- He just needs some rest.

- Yeah.

Come on.

- I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes.

- SLIM:
Here we go.

We'll be back tomorrow

for the hardware.

Don't touch anything.

We have notified your supervisor.

(GROANING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

(SQUEAKING)

(POUNDING CONTINUES)

Quinn, you bastard.

I just called by

to say thank you for getting

me fired from my job.

You're still a tool.

At least I'm not playing

patty-cake in a bathtub

with a teenage boy, you sick freak.

You have no idea what

you're talking about.

I know what I know.

I had a good job till you came

along and you f***ed it up

and you f***ed up Zip-T and

you f***ed up poor old Bob.

Well, I'm here to say f*** you

and the entity around it all.

That's F-U-Q-U, Quinn!

- You know my name.

- I know who you are.

Leth!

Do you?

()

(SIGHS)

(BEEP)

(BLEEPING)

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

(BEEPING)

Unh!

()

MANAGEMENT:
I'm afraid you won't

find my son here, Mr. Leth.

He's been hospitalised.

Is he all right?

If I believed in miracles,

I'd be praying for one now.

He's not well.

My son's never been well.

I've tried to protect him, but

he's always chafed at my touch.

This morning, he stole a car

from my vintage collection.

Are you real or are

you just in my mind?

It doesn't matter at all. You're

part of the neural net now.

- So there's no answer?

- Depends on the question.

What I'm living for?

That's a good question, Mr. Leth,

posed to the entirely wrong person.

You seem to have mistaken me for

a considerably higher power.

I'm not the source of your call.

I'm not God or the devil.

I'm just a man seeking the truth.

- What truth if...?

- Turn around and look.

That's it.

Chaos encapsulated.

(CONTROLS CLICKING)

That's all there is at the end,

just as it was at the beginning.

There it is then. You've

proved the zero theorem.

Not quite. Mancom is still, as

you said, crunching the data.

Why would you want to prove

that all is for nothing?

I never said all is for nothing.

I'm a businessman, Mr. Leth.

Nothing is for nothing.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

- What?

- There's money in ordering disorder.

Chaos pays, Mr. Leth. Chaos

comprises a rich vein of ore

that with Mancom's

muscle, will be all mine

to mine.

The saddest aspect of mankind's

need to believe in a God,

or to put it another way,

a purpose greater than this life,

is that it makes this

life meaningless.

You see, this is all just a way station

on the road to promised eternity.

The reason I chose you...

I mean, rather perversely, I admit,

is because you represent the

antithesis of my project.

A man of faith.

You see, you've persisted in

believing that a phone call

could give your life meaning.

You've waited and waited,

and as a result, you've

led a meaningless life.

I'm sorry, but I no longer

require your services.

You pervert! You devil!

You monster!

You tear me up, charge me interest.

MANAGEMENT:
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth.

I no longer require your services.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no

longer require your services.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no

longer require your services.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no

longer require your services.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no

longer require your services.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no

longer require your services.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no

longer require your services.

MAN (OVER SPEAKERS): Mancom, making

sense of the good things in life.

Mancom, making sense of

the good things in life.

Mancom, making sense of

the good things in life.

Mancom, making sense of

the good things in life.

Mancom, making good

things of man life.

Man things in good...

(MAN'S VOICE GETTING DISTORTED)

Making good things...

Making...

Making man life... Making

man life... Making man life...

Making man life... Making

man life... Making man life...

(QOHEN PANTING)

(SIGHS)

Oh.

Yes, you were the wrong tool, mate.

(CLICK THEN ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(THUMPING AND CLANKING)

()

(WHIRRING AND RUMBLING)

()

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(KAREN SOUZA'S "CREEP" PLAYING)

When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

I wish I was special

You're so very special

But I'm a creep

And I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts

BAINSLEY:
Qohen?

I wanna have control

BAINSLEY:
Heh, heh, heh. Qohen.

I want a perfect body

BAINSLEY:
Hey, Qohen.

I want a perfect soul

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