The Zero Theorem Page #6

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Old man's phone doll.

Your next upload is due.

- I'm nowhere near ready.

- All right. All right.

Uh, we gotta get back

to you. All right. Bye.

(BLEEPING)

Chill, Q, don't let

tentacles get you down.

My guess is they're looking

for the least little entity.

The entity who could.

Find her and she drags

the rest behind...

Oh, there it is, Q! Don't let it

get away. I got it. I got it.

F***, I'm gonna start

a chain reaction.

Yeah!

(BEEPS)

What f***ing luck.

What f***ing luck!

That ought to keep

Mancom busy a while.

You're quite good at

this, aren't you?

I can sprint, Q, but I

can't go the distance.

If I didn't know it was impossible, I'd

say you're closing in on this thing.

Better get you your call before you

prove that nothing is calling.

Where are you going with that?

Major breakthrough. Gotta get with the

mainframe and figure out the details

so we can get this

baby flying again.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

(KAREN SOUZA'S "CREEP"

PLAYING ON WEBSITE)

When you were here before

Mm.

Couldn't look you in the eye

(BAINSLEY MOANING)

(KEYBOARD CLACKING AND

COMPUTER BLEEPING)

You're just like an angel N

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN (ON WEBSITE): Oh, yes.

- MAN:
Bainsley, you are so,

- Mm.

so hot.

Isn't she, boys?

(MAN LAUGHING)

Oh, we're just being joined by a

new stud for tonight's gangbang.

Bainsley, say hi to Mr. Qohen Leth.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Hey. Hey.

Qohen.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

(BLEEPS)

BAINSLEY:
We're connected by

memory chips and fibre optics.

This is my place.

We're safe here.

BOB:
She's not gonna

be back, your call girl.

She was paid by the hour.

(BLEEPING)

(KAREN SOUZA'S "CREEP"

PLAYING ON WEBSITE)

Hey

When you were here before

(BUZZ)

(BLEEPING)

(QOHEN SIGHS)

()

Wakey-wakey. Q. Look

what I got. I fixed it.

Check this out. Look

what I made. All right.

Prototype, soul-searching device.

What do you want?

He's a cranky bastard, ain't we?

Is this what I lost

weeks of sleep for?

Look, this call you're waiting for,

it's a figment of your imagination.

There's no such thing.

Not by phone at least.

Ask your shrink.

Yeah.

Yo, yo, yo, doc, you there?

Tell him there's no phone call.

I'm authorising you to

tell him the truth.

Come on, tell him he's delusional.

SHRINK-ROM:
It's true, Qohen.

Your phone call's a delusion.

Sorry about that.

I was programmed to leave your

peculiar pathology untreated.

- BOB:
All right. Thanks, babes. See you.

- But I didn't...

BOB:
The truth ain't pretty, Q.

But like my old man says,

it'll set you free.

Your call ain't carried

by British telecom.

It's coming from your

soul, connect with it.

You know how everything

inside you releases energy.

This suit will pick up the data and

relay it back to Mancom's neural net.

How can you believe in the soul

if you believe in nothing?

It's called a paradox, Q.

I'm young enough to believe

all kinds of things.

Did you know...

that more than 33 different

aboriginal tribes believe

that the soul resides somewhere

in the lower digestive tract?

Absolutely true.

But here's the zinger.

None of these tribes have any

knowledge of each other's existence.

- Coincidence?

- Hm?

Coincidence?

Where do you think all these

separate peoples got such an idea?

Dysentery.

Aha. Q, you're getting

to be very funny lately.

Listen up, if you have a soul,

which I'm betting you do,

this baby will locate it

and connect you with it.

(INTERCOM BUZZING)

- Did you order pizza?

- Did you order pizza?

Can I come in?

()

It's Management's son.

You know Management, don't you?

I'm so sorry.

Joby told me I could have the

VR suit if I played along.

And you just seemed just...

Well, you were lonely.

You're wrong.

We were always alone, never lonely.

Qohen, please.

Bainsley, Bob. Bob, Bainsley.

She won't be staying long.

- Hi.

- Hi.

The Hawaiian tropics chick, eh?

Marooned yourself with this guy?

Well, we expect technology

supplied the necessary enticement.

BOB:
Yeah, she's like a 10.

There's no way she'd want

an old guy, Q. No of fence.

- None taken.

- But I do want him.

I think, and I'm pretty sure.

- What for?

- Heh, heh.

- There's just something about him.

- BOB:
Yeah, right.

Must be the preservatives.

Hey, don't laugh at me.

Sorry.

BAINSLEY:

I know it doesn't make sense,

but I need you...

I need you to believe me.

You said you never

wanted to leave me.

That wasn't us, that

was someone else.

No, that was you, stripped

of all your fear.

A cheap preferential trick.

What are you really afraid of?

QOHEN:
We accept your apology

and wish you well in all

your future endeavours.

Hoping that Management

will assign someone else

to serve as the object

of your affection.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

()

Well...

(SIGHS)

Everything I own is

in my van outside.

I don't know where I'm going,

but will you come with me?

Jesus, Q, do it.

We're afraid it is too late.

It is time Bainsley was on her way.

We have work to do.

We'll go somewhere far away,

to a special place,

on a tropical island.

A real one.

Just come with me.

I know we connected

somehow, you know?

I know we did.

And you need me.

And I need to be needed so bad.

Just come with me.

You know we can be

together for real.

Just run away with me.

No, we can't.

(SIGHS)

Jesus Christ, Q, do you

have any heart at all?

(SIGHS)

- Hey, hey, do you need a break?

- Yeah.

We feel like a rat in a rat trap.

I've been ready to gnaw my

foot off since I got here.

Let's get out of this tomb.

- Do you mean us?

- Yeah.

- You and...

- Me and yous.

Come on. Whatever happened

to giving up that "we" sh*t?

Well, we've been trying.

Yeah, sure you have. Come on.

Let's go. Up. Come on.

We haven't been outside

in over a year.

What happened to you, man?

Life happened to me.

Look, life happens to

everybody, all right?

Try thinking about somebody

besides your own selves.

I'm tired. I'm stressed.

And I'm traumatised for the

rest of my poor love life

with the way you dissed that

Bainsley, who is a scabillion times

the woman that you deserve, so...

I need a break, Q,

all right? So get your...

Get your f***ing head out

of your ass and follow me.

- MAN:
There we are.

- BOB:
Come on. Come on, let's go.

()

- BOY:
Penny for the guy?

- BOB:
No, go. Go.

Come on. Come on, then.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Come on. Come on.

Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

You don't need...

You don't need skin cancer.

Right, there you go.

This is a big day.

A big day. We're going to the park.

And I got this new song

too, just for you.

Let's go.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING

OVER EARPIECE)

WOMAN (OVER SPEAKER):

Good morning.

- You having fun?

- Excuse us?

Are you having a good time?

Approximately.

WOMAN:
Your dreams are our

dreams. That's why we say:

"Enough is never

enough." Call us today.

BOB:
Jeez. What are you doing?

- Get out of my way.

- Punks!

F*** you. I know,

I know, I'm f***ing...

MAN (OVER SPEAKERS):

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