They Came Together Page #3

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You're full of it, buddy.

I'll see you at the party.

All right. Look, Bob.

Here's the real truth.

About three years ago, I was attacked

by a group of trick-or-treat-ers.

About 30 of them.

They pinned me down, and they said,

"Dick or teat?" It was obviously a

play on, you know, "Trick or treat?"

Yeah.

They made me choose between

their d*cks and their teats.

It was awful.

Joel, I know that. It was all

over the news that year.

But come on, man. You've

gotta get over it, buddy.

Let me think about it, okay?

Yeah.

It's Halloween, Joel. Why

don't you go to that party?

I'm just not into the whole

"Halloween costume" thing.

You know, I mean, what's the point?

You go to a party, people

say, "Who are you?"

I say, "I'm Ben Franklin,"

and they say, "Great!"

And then you're you again.

Except now I've got knickers

and a bald cap. And for what?

- Because it's fun, Joel.

- Forget it. I'm not going.

I don't know, Wanda. I just don't think

I can go to that Halloween party.

And what if I see Frank?

And Mia, the yoga teacher?

You can't let stupid old

Frank run your life.

You've gotta go to that party

and you gotta be fierce!

But even if I wanted to go to the

party, I don't have a costume.

Well, guess what? You do now,

because you can have my costume.

Oh, my God, Wanda! Thank you!

No. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Now, get out of here!

I got a party to go to!

Wait!

Thanks.

Wait!

Sh*t.

My bobbing apples!

My party tomatoes!

Watch where you're going!

Like it was my fault!

Yeah, well, I didn't

run into myself.

Wow. You're rude.

You're a jerk.

Look Mister Thang,

you bumped into me.

- Hardly.

- Oh, please!

You're so lucky that I am

late for a party right now

where my friends are gonna introduce

me to an exciting new woman!

Let me tell you something.

I'm about to go to a party

where I'm gonna meet an exciting

new guy! So see you later.

Yeah, see you never!

- Well, I'm going this way, so see you later!

- I'll see you later. I'm going this way.

Oh, great! Your party is in

the same building as mine.

Well, luckily, we will be

separating momentarily

- when we go to our different parties.

- Luckily, yes.

Oh, Great. Looks like our parties

are on the same floor, too.

Talk about bad luck.

Oh, God damn it!

Joel! Molly!

- They came together.

- Oh.

No, we didn't.

Nice. Come on.

So, I guess you guys

already met, huh?

Unfortunately, yes.

To my great chagrin.

Chagrin? Who even says that?

Uh, Roland!

- Hello, man.

- Oh. How did you know?

Great costume!

Thanks. Yours, too.

Vampires.

Where's the bathroom?

Oh, yeah. Straight through

that door on the right.

- Yeah. I think I ate something weird.

- Don't worry.

Who designed these stupid things?

No, no, no, no...

So, uh, what do you do?

I'm an entrepreneur.

I own my own business.

I'm a development exec over at

Candy Systems and Research.

You ever heard of it?

Candy Systems and Research? CSR?

Yeah. What of it?

Unbelievable.

- Can I ask you a question?

- Yeah.

How do you sleep at night?

I usually have to jack off, and

then I can sleep pretty soundly.

El bao esta ocupado!

So, um, Bob tells me you're

an amateur birdwatcher.

What's your favorite bird?

The turkey.

Good.

Do you watch a lot of TV?

What's your favorite show?

I don't watch TV. I think

it brutalizes the senses.

Okay.

I can see this is

going nowhere fast.

So, uh, Molly...

Listen, before you ask

me any more questions

from the Icebreaker Handbook,

here's the 411.

Upper Sweet Side, NYC.

Does the name ring a bell?

- Yeah. Little candy shop?

- Ding! Ding! Ding!

Give the man a prize.

He's a winner!

"What has he won,

Johnny?" "A new car!"

Yes, that is my store. And I

put my whole life into it.

Molly, I had no idea.

The only line you care

about is the bottom line.

Look, are you the kind of person that

I feel a strong connection to? Yes.

Do I find you cute and funny? Yes.

Could you be the guy that I could

fall for and live with forever? Yes.

But the point is, you're

a corporate robot.

And so, it is with great pleasure that I

say to you, go jump in a lake, meathead!

Molly! Wait, Molly!

Sh*t.

I'll have what she's having.

You are having what she's having.

It's all the same food.

The pasta and the beans

and the lentils.

Hey, Roland?

You wanna tell me why

your super-hero costume

is lyin' on the bathroom

floor filled with sh*t?

What?

Oh, my God. What did you do?

I didn't do anything.

You sh*t your pants. And

then you took a shower.

And you just left your costume

lyin' on the floor, didn't you?

- Did not!

- Roland, that is disgusting!

Whoa. Wait a minute.

Let me explain.

My costume was itching me,

so I went into the bathroom

and changed into Mr.

Taking-a-shower-guy costume

and just left the costume in there.

Why is there sh*t all

over the washcloths, too?

The washcloths are just for show!

- Those are brand new washcloths.

- Oh.

The only thing I can guess

is somebody else must have

gone into the bathroom,

put my costume on, sh*t in it,

and left it there.

That is the only

logical explanation.

All right, which one of you

people went into the bathroom

put my costume on, and sh*t in it?

Wow. I'm disappointed

in you people.

I gotta go.

I'm disgusted with everyone.

Who do you think it was?

So, what did you think of Molly?

What a nightmare! God!

Yeah, she's attractive

and smart and funny.

She's exactly the type of person I

could see myself falling in love with.

But boy, with an attitude like that,

it's no wonder she can't find a date.

Molly.

Wait! He didn't mean what...

Sh*t.

So it wasn't love at

first sight, was it?

Are you really asking us that? Were

you not listening to the story?

No, I'm... Forget it.

Anyway, after that debacle, I

assumed I'd never see him again.

But then, a few days later, I was

browsing in my favorite used bookshop

and guess who was there?

Who?

Joel.

Me.

Wanda, that's him!

That's the jerk I met at Bob

and Brenda's Halloween party.

Oh, Lordy. Ooh, this

could get ugly.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Howdy.

- Hi. Again.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here? Looking for

a book. What are you doing here?

- I'm a regular here.

- Yeah. Regular beanbag.

You know, maybe you'd

feel more comfortable

in a corporate mega-bookstore

chain like Brams and Nerbils.

Why don't you just calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down! What if I don't

want to calm down? Stop trying to fix me!

Okay. I'm going to step out

of the crossfire here.

Yeah. Me, too.

Look, Missy, my brother and I are

here to buy something for our bubby.

Oh, your... Bubby?

Yeah. My bubby. My grandmother.

I had a grandmother. Her

name was Arlene Crabtree.

She died recently.

We were very close.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Can I help you find

something for your bubby?

Well, uh, I'm looking for

maybe a fiction book.

You like fiction books?

Just because I work for a big corporation

doesn't mean I don't like fiction books.

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