Think Like a Man Too Page #10

- How's my body look in this?

- Awful.

- What are you supposed to be?

- A sexy hobbit.

No, I'm a sexy caveman.

Gotta be kidding

me. Black Spartacus?

That's a good idea.

All right, fellas. You got

15 minutes before show time.

Loosen up, bro.

All them ladies gonna

eat you alive out there.

Better watch out, Zeke.

I can't believe this is happening.

I'm actually in a strip club.

Girl, please. We ain't doing

anything our men aren't doing.

Except we're not gonna get caught.

Look at him.

Okay, the action's down here.

Trust me, it's not.

Follow me, ladies.

Lauren! Do we have to do this?

Yes!

Oh, my God. It's your final

dare. Stop being a mom.

Ladies!

Give it up, give it up.

Come on, ladies!

How hard can it be to impress them?

That is a bunch of drunk

and horny women out there.

Wild crowd tonight, guys.

Cute hobbit. Go get them.

Okay. That guy is a professional.

And this is amateur night,

for chrissakes, you hear me?

You win by applause.

Listen up! My first

three amateurs, you're on!

Our outfits are gonna be better.

Look at that pork chop.

- Oh, sh*t.

- It's a setup.

Man, those are ringers.

Competing for $50,000 in cash...

Take your pants off!

...Sexy Santa and

his little helper.

Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies, let me hear you!

Are you ready?

I said, "Are you ready?"

Ladies, this is the moment

you've been waiting for.

Do we have any

bachelorettes in the house?

- Any bachelorettes in the house?

- Yes, over here!

We're only gonna bring one, one

lucky bachelorette to the stage

for a lap dance from Santa.

Can I get a Candace? Do we

have a Candace in the house?

Candace, come up on stage.

Come on!

Fellas, go get Candace.

Go, yes, take her!

Give it up for Candace, ladies.

Good one, Lauren.

Yeah, I got her good, didn't I?

Come on, ladies, let me hear you.

- Come on, ladies, let me hear you!

- Lauren!

One more time, from the top, okay?

Five, six.

Five, six, seven, eight.

And step. And snap it.

Get lower, like Beyonc.

Right here. You gotta do

this. This is what they want.

- And then back it up.

- That's your boy.

It's like you got a chance

to put it right in they face.

Here it is. Took it away.

You don't have to do this.

We do have to do this, because

we took an oath, Michael.

- Another one?

- Come on.

You promised!

Y'all see that right there?

It's not gonna be that bad, man.

Just keep thinking $50,000.

Ladies, let's help her

out. Candace! Candace!

I know a Candace.

Where are you going? One more shot!

Candace!

"Kansas"?

Get off my girl!

Michael?

That's my girl right there.

Get your hands off me!

Michael's fighting!

Oh, my God.

Get off her!

That's my friend!

Stop!

Michael!

I got you!

Get off of her!

Stay down, all right?

- Really, dude?

- Sh*t.

No!

Bar fight!

Michael!

The story you are

about to see is true.

The names have been changed

to protect the innocent.

So the fourth quarter began with

both teams on a downward spiral.

Dom, slow down.

Wait. Mike, wait, wait.

- What?

- Wait, wait.

Slow down.

Look, while we're

in here right now,

I don't want nobody...

All right. Everybody all right?

- It's a door.

- Okay, listen to me.

Don't nobody say nothing

to nobody in here.

- You keep your mouths shut.

- That's a good idea.

You let me do all the talking.

- Hell, no.

- What do you mean?

Why would we let you

do all the talking?

Because I'm a Season

1 holder of OZ.

- Yes. Have you seen it?

- I've seen it.

- Have you seen Season 1?

- No.

Exactly, so you don't

have the knowledge.

Why don't you just

have my back one time?

- Talk some sense into him.

- Don't talk no sense into me!

Zeke's gonna blow

this whole damn thing.

Now look, we'll... Oh, my God,

Bennett, did you just fart?

I'm nervous.

Okay. You...

Listen to me. Listen

to me right now.

On the count of three,

I'm going in. Okay?

One, two...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Three.

Everybody, listen up!

What I need to know

is who's the boss in here?

Whatever you're thinking

right now is wrong.

You know why it's wrong? 'Cause

the new boss just walked in.

That's right!

Me and my crew.

We just took this

over. You got that?

It's a sign of respect.

Mercy, please.

- Mercy.

- Mercy, please.

Mercy, please. We're sorry.

You want the cube, you got it.

We don't need this cube.

Where was y'all at?

Why you up there, Dom?

One thing that never occurred to any of

the players was that both teams could lose.

Come on, ladies, keep it moving.

Let's go.

I'm not mentally prepared

to be someone's bottom b*tch.

You know we're probably

all getting Chlamydia

from sitting on

these benches, right?

You know you're all

thinking about it.

My first official

photo on my wedding day

is a mug shot!

This is bad.

This is really bad.

Dionne Warwick in concert.

How 'bout that Do You

Know the Way to San Jose?

Yes, I do.

I had the time of my life, Eddie.

So did I.

So...

But it doesn't have to end.

I could use a nightcap.

Eddie. Eddie, listen.

I'm an old-fashioned girl.

I don't go in for flings and

affairs and one-night stands.

I understand.

So

I'm gonna say good night.

I'm gonna say good night, too.

Good night.

- Good night.

- So let me get this straight.

You're gonna use your one

phone call to call your mother.

She's gonna get us out

of here fast, watch.

Anything?

No, my mom's phone keeps

going to voice-mail.

- Who else?

- Uncle Eddie.

It's Loretta. Please

leave a message.

Who am I supposed to call?

Hello? Hi, could I talk to Kanye?

Can you just tell him

to get on the phone?

No, I'm still not

gonna call him Yeezus.

Mom, if you get this message...

What you mean, where am I

at? Where the hell are you at?

Who's this?

Hell, no! I know there ain't

that b*tch in the background.

Listen, I'm in the Clark

County jail. Come bail me out.

That's a rude way to answer the

phone. I don't know anybody's number.

It went to her voice-mail.

I'm getting a new

assistant, she's fired.

Honestly, I don't know

anybody's phone number.

It's programmed in my phone.

Who dials a number anymore?

Hello? Hey, Jonah.

Put Nana on the phone.

She's asleep? No,

don't wake her up.

No, there's nothing underneath the

bed. I checked before I left. What?

What do we do when we're

scared? What time is it?

What time is it?

It's game time!

Any dogs in the house?

Any dogs in the house?

Alls we need is each other!

Alls we need is each other!

'Kay, feel better?

All right, I love you.

We're next, let's go.

'Sup, Ray? So, you

pretend to be Ray Lewis?

For my kids, I'll be Ray Lewis, Jerry

Lewis, or Emmanuel Lewis if it helps.

- But how do you know it's gonna work?

- I don't, I'm just winging it.

My kids just want to know their dad's

got their back. It's not rocket science.

- It was a good Ray Lewis.

- Thanks.

I can't believe you're

making me do this right now.

It's the only number you remember.

- 'Cause I tried so hard to forget...

- Dial.

- Not right.

- Dial.

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