Thirty Day Princess Page #3

They gave us a good send-off.

But this is marvelous.

You don't look so hot

in that one, Baron.

Oh, don't I look sweet there?

- But that is not you.

- That's right. I forgot.

Oh, I'm a wolf, am I?

A wolf gorged

with the blood of the poor, eh?

Well, I'll go right over there

and punch him in the nose.

- Where's my hat?

- What's the matter?

- I'll make him eat his words.

- Who? What do you mean?

Mr. Porter Madison.

I'll break him in two! Where's my hat?

Oh, one bad notice in six.

It's still a hit.

Where's my hat?

Say, this is part of what

you're supposed to do.

Your job's to vamp

the American public, isn't it?

My girlish laughter

is dedicated to it.

Good. Then start with

Mr. Porter Madison.

He's trying to kill the bond issue.

You can make him lay off.

- You mean vamp him?

- Yes.

I'll try it.

There's an extra 5,000 in it

for you if you can.

Confidentially,

I'd have done it for four.

"I should regret having to inform

Her Highness that you are ashamed

"to come after your unwarranted attack

on the Taronian bond issue."

Ashamed, huh?

He thought that'd get me.

Well, it does.

- You mean you're going?

- Why not?

Think I'd let that horse thief

bluff me?

Suit yourself, but don't let her shake

that sturdy Americanism of yours.

Swell chance. Listen,

get a spread set for tomorrow

comparing the Princess

unfavorably with our shop girls

as to style, dress, bearing, beauty,

intelligence and, oh, everything.

Brave words, but I know

a lot of guys who go to Europe

with one 100% American chips

on their shoulders

and finish up with calluses

on their knees

from scraping before thrones.

There's something

about those royalties that...

(BAND PLAYING MUSIC)

GRESHAM:

Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Pfeifer.

Your Royal Highness,

will you pardon me a moment, please?

- Hello, Madison.

- Hello, Gresham.

Your Royal Highness, may I be permitted

to present one of our most brilliant

young newspaper owners,

Mr. Porter Madison III.

How do you do, Mr. Madison III.

I have always wanted to meet you.

Why, thank you, Your Highness.

Your newspaper,

it is not unknown in Taronia.

I remember one day

His Majesty say something about you.

- I forget what he say.

- Really?

Oh, yes, we know of the good work

you are doing for the people.

Is that a fact?

- Your Highness.

- I mean, Your Highness.

Oh, if the "highness" bothers you,

you may call me "ma'am."

- Ma'am?

- Oh, yes.

You may dispense

with the formal salutation.

- Would you like to call me ma'am?

- Yes, ma'am.

And now, if you will lead me

to the champagne, Mr. Madison.

We are somewhat of,

how you call, a thirst.

- Very good, Your Highness.

- Ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

The fathead thinks he's making a hit.

I say, Gresham,

that's a marvelous collection

of crystal glasses you have there.

It ought to be.

It set me back $18,000.

I've been waiting

for an occasion to use it.

- Oh, what pretty glasses.

- Yes.

To that so charming gentleman

and patriot,

your father, King Anatol XII.

(BAND PLAYING MUSIC)

And now, to that so charming gentleman

and patriot, my grandfather,

King Anatol XI.

And now to my great-grandfather,

Anatol X.

Are there anymore Anatols

we can drink to?

- There must have been an Anatol I.

- ALL:
Hooray!

No more glasses.

NANCY:
Oh, let them get some more.

Anatol I was just as good

as the rest of them.

Very well, Your Royal Highness.

- In the meanwhile, let us dance.

- Yes, ma'am.

Tell me, do all Americans

dance so badly as you?

What do you mean?

Couldn't you come a little closer?

- Princess, I take it all back.

- Back? What do you take back?

Never mind.

Oh, ma'am, you're marvelous.

And you are not,

like you Americans say,

so lousy yourself.

- The fun, it is over.

- Over?

From now on, I must go around

in your romantic city

with a lot of old men

in high hats.

Maybe I'm too bold,

but couldn't it be arranged so that...

- What?

- So that I would show you the city?

It's a lovely idea, Mr. Madison III.

Here's your blast.

"The dowdy Princess versus

the American shop girl."

Can't dance, can't dress,

awkward, uninteresting.

Cheap! Noisy! Vulgar!

Didn't you tell me?

You misunderstood me.

It's positively indecent.

- It's what?

- Indecent.

Why, a Princess travels 4,000 miles

out of respect to our country,

and you say she waddles.

Say, pull up your trousers,

will you?

I just want to see if you have

any calluses on your knees.

Cut that down to a column,

stick it back in the second section,

and change that headline.

How'll I make it read?

"Sight of royalty too much

for Madison III?"

Suppose I throw out

the yarn altogether?

Now that's a good idea.

After all, this is not a scandal sheet.

That's news.

Do as I say.

How about the Taronian bonds?

They got ribbons in their hair now, too?

No, no, I don't want you to boost them.

We've got to protect the American public.

On behalf of the public,

I thank you!

I like your so strange city

very much, Mr. Madison.

Even the poor people

live so nicely here.

All these new tenements were started

through a campaign in my paper.

Then why is it that your paper says

the bonds of Taronia are no good?

Well, what's that got to do with...

That is what my father wants

to do with the money.

Make the living nice

for the poor people.

"Automat"? What is automat?

You put nickels in a slot

and food comes out.

- No.

- Yes, Your Highness.

Tonight, I find the country

I have looked for on the map

ever since I was a child.

- What country?

- Fairyland.

Where there are stars

above you and stars below.

It is lovely, this New York.

New York says the same

about you.

- New York say what?

- That you are lovely.

Have you the right to speak

for the whole big city?

I have the right to speak for myself,

or have I, Your Highness?

We give you the right.

And I like you to think

I am lovely.

It is you that makes me think

New York is so nice.

Do you mean it?

In Taronia, what we mean we say,

what we say we mean.

(BAND PLAYING MUSIC)

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

More, please.

It is nice here. It is a nice...

How you call, hot spot.

And you are nice.

You are more nice every day

I've been with you.

I hadn't any idea

a princess would be like you.

I hadn't either. I mean, I did not know

a princess could be so happy.

Oh, look, look!

Do you get homesick

for Taronia sometimes?

A little.

The trava is lovely in the spring.

- It can't be so lovely this spring.

- It's always lovely.

The trava is what you call

the country.

Do you go sometimes to the country?

Yes. I'm crazy about hunting.

Do you ever hunt, Your Highness?

Yes, I've spent most of my life

hunting for jobbies.

I've never heard of them.

What is a jobbie?

A rare animal.

Very hard to find in America.

- Well, what's the matter?

- Nothing.

I remembered something funny which

happened to me when I was hunting once.

I set a trap for something

and got caught in it myself.

You are young and rich.

In my country, by now you would

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