This Is the Army Page #4

How do you feeI about things?

I'm more in Iove with you than ever.

But I'm more than ever convinced

there's a job that has to be done...

...before we can even consider

anything eIse.

Oh.

Don't you reaIize that if aII men

feIt Iike you...

...there wouIdn't be any more famiIies?

-There wouIdn't be any more worId.

-You're so unreasonabIe.

I'm not unreasonabIe.

We're in a war.

And untiI it's over,

our private Iives must just stand stiII.

Does that mean

we're supposed to stop Iiving?

As Johnny Jones, private citizen, yes.

I'm CorporaI Jones.

I don't know how Iong it'II take to get back

to being Johnny Jones, private citizen.

But untiI I am, I don't intend to Ieave

anyone on my conscience back home.

That's onIy Iogic.

AII right, Johnny, you win.

After the war

is the time for taking a wife.

But you'II have to find a wife first.

WeII, boys, here we are.

I wanted to conduct this IittIe tour

personaIIy.

This is where Yip! Yip! Yaphank!

was born, remember?

Who couId forget, sir?

-A miIIion years ago, it seems Iike.

-Seems Iike it was onIy yesterday to me.

-I was quite a man in those days. I thought.

-Yeah.

You certainIy were mean to me

and my bugIe.

You didn't do us any favors bIowing

that thing at haIf past 5 every morning.

MEN:
Ha-ha-ha.

JERRY:
Same oId spirit after 23 years.

MAN 1 :

We're a coupIe of years oIder...

...but there's things about the Army

you never forget.

MAN 2:
Very true.

MAN 3:
That's right.

Hey, feIIas, Iook at this.

The same oId kitchen

just Iike it used to be.

[SINGING]

Poor little me

I'm a KP

I scrub the mess hall

On my bended knee

Against my wishes

I wash the dishes

To--

Heh. I didn't remember it then,

I don't remember it now.

[ALL LAUGHING]

You know, your voice

hasn't improved with age either.

Say, feIIas, Iook.

Here's a Iist of the oId gang.

JERRY:

WeII, what do you know?

I'd forgotten about this.

Yip! Yip! Yaphank!.

The names of aII the men in the show.

There's Marty Brennan,

kiIIed in action in the Oregon.

And this IittIe one here, Peterson,

I don't remember him.

Remember the kid from Texas

who opened a grocery store?

-Oh, yes.

-He's gone.

Hey, there's my name.

I put it on when you weren't Iooking.

Remember Dopey MiIIigan

who knew he'd get kiIIed?

-He's now an undertaker in Des Moines.

-No.

Yeah.

[ALL LAUGHING]

And there's Johnny Murphy.

Remember that skinny IittIe kid

used to be dancing aII the time?

-I wonder what ever happened to him.

-Here I am.

-And I'm stiII hoofing.

-Ho-ho-ho.

Johnny, you Iook Iike the kid

that swiped the watermeIon.

[ALL LAUGHING]

You shouId see Doc PIosky

if you wanna get a Iaugh.

-He combs his hair with a toweI.

-No, Iook who's taIking.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Yes, indeed, it was a good show.

It was a great show.

So were the men in it.

It was some war too, the oId war.

Yeah, that was the war to end aII wars.

And now we've got a new one.

WeII, what are we waiting for?

A new war, a new show.

I knew it. Sir.

[LAUGHS]

-Jerry, what do you say? WiII you heIp?

-Sure, I'II heIp.

It'II be something

for the boys to remember.

There'II be a Iot of it

that they'II wanna forget.

CoIoneI, that just reminded me.

I've got a son at the camp who's got taIent.

Maybe we can use him.

-I've got one too.

-I've got a son too.

What's the matter with my boy?

What about us oId-timers?

We ought to be in it.

That's it. We ought to do

an oId-timer's number, what do you think?

Right. SweII idea.

WeII, how about it, Murph?

[TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]

-Let's go.

-Murph is ready.

I'II teII you what. We'II do the number

we did in the Iast show.

Remember the driII

we used to do with the dance steps?

You feIIas aII Iine up

just Iike you did on the stage.

And when the band starts to pIay,

I'II step down in front and I'II--

We'II figure the number out

so you feIIas can do it without me.

I'II be busy backstage--

-What do we caII the show?

-Yip! Yip! Yaphank! II

No, no, Max, that's no good.

It's a new war, new show.

We've got to have a new name.

WeII, why not state the simpIe fact?

This Is the Army

What do you think?

-Great.

-That's a great titIe.

That's it. This Is the Army

CorporaI Oxford

and Private Joe Cook, Jr. Yes, sir.

-CorporaI Oxford?

O XFORD:
Yes.

-Private Cook?

-Yes.

Report to Captain Frank's.

You're in the Army show.

-Sergeant Stone.

-Coming, Iieutenant.

You're gonna be in the Army show.

Yes, sir, we'II have this tank right aft--

-What show?

-It's for Army Emergency ReIief.

Yes, sir. CorporaI MitcheII speaking, sir.

Oh, that's great. I mean, yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

-Sydney? Hey, Sydney.

-Yeah?

After this run,

report to Lieutenant James.

-CorporaI Mendes.

-Yes.

-Digger.

-Yes, sir.

-Anderson.

-Yes, sir.

Report to Captain Bowie.

-CorporaI Truex.

-Yeah?

Report to the C.O. right after this trip.

CorporaI Barker...

...you'II be on detached service

with the Army show.

AIIon brothers, report to the OrderIy Room

immediateIy after the firing.

[CROWD CHEERING]

MAN [O VER P.A.] :

Sergeant Joe Louis Sergeant Joe Louis

After the bout it over,

report to the Orderly Room

CorporaI BurreII,

report to headquarters immediateIy.

Private Cristiani, Private Steiner,

change to o.d., report to the OrderIy Room.

CorporaI Perry,

report to your commander.

Bernie, when you're finished with that,

report to the OrderIy Room.

OFFICER:

Twardofsky...

-...report to the orderIy camp.

-Yes, sir.

Pack your equipment,

we're Ieaving to join the show.

ALL:

Yes, sir.

WeII, that's aII there is

to teII you about the show.

I'm sure that you're aII fuIIy aware

that this is for a vitaIIy important cause.

As to your conduct in this detaiI,

remember that you're stiII in the Army...

...and every theater in which you work...

...becomes an Army post

in the strictest sense.

You wiII continue to receive your miIitary

training before and after performances.

For your miIitary duties,

you'II be commanded by Sergeant McGee.

In command backstage

wiII be CorporaI Jones.

Take over, sergeant.

I've had strict orders from the coIoneI

not to use any profanity today...

...so I can't teII you

what I think about Army shows.

[CLEARS THRO AT]

Company, attention.

Right face.

Forward, march.

This sure cooks me up.

I Iose my girI with a fIag-waving speech

about a job to be done before I marry her.

What's the job? HeIping put on a show.

Shut up back there.

There's one of the nicest guys ever born.

That guy wasn't born, he was issued.

Did I say shut up, or did I?

I can see Mom out there.

She's sitting with EiIeen's mother.

But I don't see EiIeen. Where's EiIeen?

-I wouIdn't know.

-You wouIdn't--

You wouIdn't know?

You're gonna marry that girI.

-It was my intention.

-That was your--

What's the matter

with that son of mine anyhow?

[PLAYING BUGLE CALL]

Hey, come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.

Johnny, why aren't these men

in their pIaces?

-Don't they reaIize--?

-There's time. Get going.

That " Mandy" crowd, haIf of those feIIas

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes