This Is the End Page #4

Actors.

Famous people.

They'll get Clooney,

Sandra Bullock, me.

If there's room,

you guys'll come.

The point is, is that we're all

gonna get out of this first.

What the hell was that?

It's already going

crazy out there, guys.

We can't leave. I'm not leaving, okay?

I'm a victim.

I've had a victim's mentality my whole life.

People can smell it on me.

When I was a kid,

I had man-titties.

The bullies held me down,

they tittie-f***ed me.

That's what's happening

out there right now.

That's right,

we are all soft.

Yeah.

We are all soft!

We are actors! We

pretend to be hard, man.

Yeah.

We soft as baby sh*t.

As baby sh*t, soft as...

Wait, Craig, what are you doing, man?

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

What are you doing to the painting, man?

We got to board this sh*t up, man.

Board it up?

We got to protect ourselves.

We don't know

how long we gonna be in here.

Okay, chill.

There's raccoons, and bandits,

and sh*t out there.

This is Obey, man!

If you get out the way!

This is my favorite f***ing painting!

What are you doing, Craig?

Guys, help.

Help. Help. Get off.

Chill. Look.

Helicopter!

Helicopter!

The good guys are here.

We're fine! It's gonna be fine.

God damn!

Oh! God damn!

Ow! Sh*t!

You okay?

No, I'm not okay!

F*** your house, Franco!

My house didn't do that! Aah!

Ow.

You don't got a tool kit

or nothing? Just a toolbox?

I don't know.

Look in there.

Where's the edge

of this sh*t?

Your thumb's

in my butthole, man.

Whoa.

Y'all need this dick?

No, we're not using it.

All right, I'm gonna

take it over here.

Careful with that dick.

Damn.

It's heavy.

There it is,

got that dick now.

That dick is coming now.

Yeah, got this big dick.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey.

What now?

Listen.

Not the Rogen, all right?

Don't take him.

Take me.

We got 12 bottles of water,

56 beers, two vodkas,

four whiskeys, six bottles of wine,

tequila, Nutella,

cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas,

apples, bacon, steaks,

pancake mix, CT Crunch, milk,

ketchup, a Milky Way,

half ounce Sour Diesel, three and

a half grams Grand Master Kush,

one ounce of 'shrooms,

15 pills of ecstasy,

a porno mag,

a baseball bat,

and the video camera

from the movie 27 Hours.

127 Hours.

Uh...

127 Hours.

And a functioning revolver

from the movie Flyboys.

Old Faithful.

Jesus.

Thing's real.

No, I kept this from the movie. Yeah.

This is an actual revolver. I see.

Franco, that's

very uncomfortable.

Could you put

that down, please?

Loaded.

Love it.

Awesome.

Can you just put the gun

away? I always keep my props.

That's really cool.

Always keep my props.

I know how to

handle it.

He knows what he's doing.

I like this bit.

I like it. I get it.

Let me see.

It's real. It's heavy.

Let me see it like that.

God damn!

Come on, guys!

You could kill...

Careful.

Bang, bang!

Jesus!

Please, put it down!

Oh, f***!

Bang, bang, bang.

You're dead.

I hope you're f***ing happy.

Pow, pow, pow.

Stop...

Guys, stop f***ing with the gun.

Jesus! Jesus!

Pow, pow.

It's a real gun!

Bang.

It's so funny.

It's so funny.

Guys, it's funny.

It's not funny!

We're getting

sidetracked.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'll just kill myself.

No!

Don't do that, Jonah!

Jesus.

Oh, no.

Jonah, give it back.

I don't know! I don't know.

Don't do that.

Jonah.

I'm so...

- Oh, my God. Hey.

- Oh, dude.

Come on, no, no.

Don't. Jesus!

Would you put the thing down?

The whole...

I'm trying to

have some fun, man.

Okay, okay, Jesus.

Look, just because a bunch of

people fell into a hole outside

doesn't mean we can't

have some fun.

We're a bunch of best friends

hanging out. It's like a sleepover.

Okay, food. How are we

gonna deal with this?

Um...

Can I have that

Milky Way?

No, you can't have

the Milky Way.

That's my Milky Way.

There's a bunch... What?

I went out

this morning,

specifically bought this Milky

Way to eat after my party.

That's weird.

It's not weird.

It's my special food.

I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.

I don't think you should get

the whole Milky Way.

I want some

of the Milky Way.

I'd be pretty bummed if I don't at

least get a bite of the Milky Way.

Oh! Now Craig wants

a bite of the Milky Way.

Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky

Way. It's a f***ing Milky Way.

A fifth of everything is

what's fair and reasonable.

Everyone gets

a fifth of everything.

I want one-fifth

of your T-shirt!

I want the bottom part,

the belly.

I'm not sporting

a crop top in your house.

I'll cut that sh*t off

and make a headband.

You couldn't

handle my midriff.

Guys, the only issue is,

I kind of need the Milky Way.

For f***'s sake.

No, for real,

I have low blood sugar,

and if my endorphins

drop too low,

I'm gonna be

a nightmare to be around.

What? Your LBS starts acting up,

you can have a finger

scoop of Nutella, okay?

One finger scoop of Nutella. Fair.

I'm going to bed.

Jesus f***ing...

Don't touch that

Milky Way, Jonah.

Night, James.

Oh, God, no!

F***.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm gonna

sleep with you.

What? I'm gonna sleep with you.

It's too scary

to sleep alone.

But this is

my little area.

Well, I'm invading

your little area.

I'm sorry, but I'm

too scared, okay?

Are you mad at me, man?

If I was pissed at you,

I'm sure it would

have something to do

with the fact that

I had no interest

in coming to

this house socially,

and now,

I am barricaded in here

with a bunch of people

that I really hate.

Maybe this was

meant to be.

Maybe this horrible, horrible,

deadly earthquake happened

so we could become closer

as a group of friends.

I don't need a group. I'm

like DMX, man. I'm a lone wolf.

DMX isn't a lone wolf.

DMX has

the Ruff Ryder crew.

You can't stop, drop,

and open up shop alone.

You need people to help you in

an earthquake disastery situation.

It was something else.

It was Judgment Day.

Like Terminator 2?

No, not like Terminator 2.

For God's sakes.

Like Skynet?

You think this is Skynet?

Like, Skynet went live?

No.

Will you please

stop saying "Skynet"?

Well, you're the one

that said Judgment Day.

The biblical

Judgment Day.

What? That's crazy. It's just...

You f***ing heathen.

Okay, here's the thing.

Let's say for a second

there was blue light

sucking people

up into the sky.

That means that we were not

awesome enough to go to heaven.

Sh*t! Sh*t.

What y'all doing?

F*** you, Craig.

I'm scared.

It's scary by myself.

It's way better

with more people.

I'm gonna

come down here.

Oh, yeah, good, yeah.

Get in here, man.

Get right in there.

So, you're gonna...

Right here.

Right here.

I feel better, actually. I like that.

It's better with

more people.

Hey, guys...

- Jesus Christ.

- Jesus!

Sorry. Franco has this

crazy open floor plan.

I can hear every word

you guys are saying.

I might as well hang with

you guys if that's cool.

Nice.

Coming in hot.

I gonna grab

a blanket from you.

Give me that blanket.

Get in the middle of it. That's good.

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