This Means War Page #5

- I'm sorry, but...

- Does this have to do with Heinrich?

- That's level 5 classified.

For my eyes only.

This operation is top secret.

- Don't let your country down, boys.

- Roger that.

This is how we do it.

This is how we do it.

This is how we do it.

It's Friday night.

And I feel all right.

And the party's here on the west side.

So I reach for my 40

And I turn it up.

Designated driver

Take the keys to my truck.

Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded

Honeys in the street say.

Monty, yo, we made it.

It feels so good.

In my 'hood tonight.

The summertime skirts

And the guys in Kani.

All the gangbangers forgot

About the drive-by.

You gotta get your groove on.

Before you go get paid.

So tip up your cup

And throw your hands up.

And let me hear the party say.

I'm kind of buzzed and it's all because.

This is how we do it.

This is how we do it.

To all my neighbors

You got much flavor.

- This is how we do it.

- Let's flip the track.

Bring the old school...

Aww.

This is how we do it.

All hands are in the air.

Wave them from here to there.

If you're an O.G. mack.

Or a wanna-be player.

You see, the hood's been good to me.

Ever since I was a lower-case G.

But now I'm a big G.

Let me hear the party say.

If you were from.

Where I'm from then you would know.

This is how we do it.

- What the hell is going on in here?

- Nothing.

Sorry to interrupt playtime,

but we have an address on Ivan Sokolov.

You boys

might wanna get out of the office.

Absolutely.

I'll take lead, you run backup.

I was thinking of taking lead on this one,

thank you.

- I'm always the first in the door.

- You're not always first at everything.

Hello. We're, um, friends of Ivan.

Oh, no, take lead, please.

No, no. Honestly, after you.

- Brut?

- Patchouli.

I love patchouli. Lovely.

Oh, no, I'm like...

- Yeah. What are you betting down there?

Hello! Cards!

Mate, I am such a huge fan of poker.

He actually won

the Go Fish Masters tournament in Reno.

This is private game.

Don't wave your hands at me, chief.

Don't you know who I am?

He got into the ros at brunch,

he's gonzo.

I said this is private game.

I know who you are, mate.

- Ivan.

- The terrible.

We're friends with Karl Heinrich.

There's one little problem.

Heinrich doesn't have any friends.

Oh, dear.

Mag! Give me a mag!

Do you ever come prepared?

Bollocks, mate. Bollocks!

Get out your gun.

Tuck, get down!

Get down!

- There you are. I got you, eh, mate?

- No, I got him.

Yeah, of course you did, mate.

I love your work.

Tell us where Heinrich is

and we'll be able to cut you a deal, Ivan.

I'm not saying anything.

Okay, you get three square meals a day

and we'll get you a nice pair of trousers.

Let's go. Give deodorant

a chance, Ivan. You stink.

- What's happening?

- Hm?

- What's going on?

- Uh, Collins. I'm gonna go see the medic.

- Yeah.

- You?

No. Just the intel flash coming over.

- Roger that.

- Right. Right.

She texted her friend Trish.

Said she needed to talk

because she was F-T-F-O.

Which Cryptography Department believes

means she was freaking the f*** out, sir.

I S-H-l-T you not.

I was L-M-F-A-O when I read that.

- It was crazy, ridiculou...

- Bothwick! S-H-H-H-H-H.

Trish then called the babysitter

and told her it was an emergency.

This is serious. This is really serious.

Can't believe this is my problem.

Last month, I was dating Boggle.

This month, two gorgeous guys.

I need you to stop making references

to Boggle like a man. It's a game.

And you sound like a woman

who has nine cats and knits her ass off.

You never said gorgeous. You said

good-looking. There's a difference...

- Wanna see a picture of them?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- I didn't know you had pictures. Give it.

Oh. Wow.

- Right?

- That's dirty sex.

You know you're gonna have dirty sex

and it's gonna stink.

Not like sex.

I mean, like, man stink, the good stuff.

That's pretty impressive. For you, yeah.

What does the other one look like?

You just scroll over,

you do the finger thing.

Oh, my God. He is hot too.

I am impressed with you.

- This is hotness. That man is...

- You scared the sh*t out of me.

- You all right?

- Yup.

- Medically speaking?

- Fine.

They're people, not products.

- You're not a very good liar, know that?

- Oh, yes, and you are.

- They never play this game with me.

Seeing as we're both here,

we might as well share resources.

Incredible guys.

- I don't have a choice.

- Please, sit down.

- Oh, I'm staying.

Okay, good, good.

Well, I'm available as a friend.

If you want me to have sex

with both of those guys...

...just to test out stuff and see

who comes back a winner and who doesn't.

They wouldn't know. I'd pretend I was you.

I'd put my hair up in a pony.

Obviously I'm busy, because I'm a mother,

but I would carve out time in my schedule.

That's the kind of friend I am.

- Why is she listening to that old man?

- I have no idea.

- Okay. You know what? That's not helpful.

- Okay, fine.

Do one of your "focus groups"

you do at work.

You can be the focus group,

I can be in charge, like you.

- Oh, that's actually a good idea.

- Okay.

This is good, I like this.

Okay, so I will ask you questions

about the products.

- Okay.

- The people.

And you tell me who you like and why.

I don't know. They're both incredible.

What a struggle. I have to go home...

...and clean tartar sauce

out of Bob's beard right now.

Probably one of his testicles.

You're gonna talk to me

about how amazing these guys are.

- Is there anything bad about them?

- Okay, let me think. Flaws.

I think there...

There is one thing.

FDR has these tiny, like, girl hands.

Like little T. rex hands.

- Ha!

- Oh, grosss.

Means he's got a Mike and lke

for a penis.

You know that's not true. You've seen it.

You've seen it in Bangladesh,

you know that's not true.

And Tuck is British.

Mm.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Doesn't mean anything.

That's the same, they're kind of even.

So get into decision-making mode.

And I need you to do it kind of quickly.

It's fun, but I'm not the one having sex.

- So I can't be that invested.

- Okay. You know what I need?

Mm.

- A joint. Okay.

- No, I need a deadline.

Gonna give myself a finite

amount of time to make this decision.

- That's good.

- One week I have to make a decision.

One week?

Okay, so she grew up in Georgia.

She likes to volunteer at dog shelters.

She's a fan of classic rock

and collecting mini Camaros.

What, as in the cars?

This is so fun!

You're a natural in this.

It's just so weird.

My dad used to collect these.

They were never as nice as this one.

But he never let me drive them.

I can't possibly imagine

why he wouldn't do that.

She's got a magic spell on me.

Did he just give our bird the bird?

Now I've got a woman.

- What was that?

- What? Well, that was the exhaust.

- Oh.

- Give it some throttle. Go on.

She likes red wine, lavender bath salts.

And she collects posters

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